I have some serious complaints about COzumel.
1. The food is too good and I eat too much of it all the time because it is cheap, I get soo full I have to sleep it off.
2. the dive masters do everything for me, I never have to carry a tank, or even wash my gear for a week, this is just too lazy for me I am getting fat.
3. I have to negotiate with the vendors to get 75% off of jewlery, my wife gets so much she no longer needs any lead.
4. why are they always so nice and happy, please have a few authorized grumpy people installed at every corner so I feel at home.
5. the current diving, is too easy, all I do is float along, there is no work involved.
6. the variety of sea life is too much, I run out of space on my SD card and have to download it to my PC every night.
7. the weather is awfull, who wants warm days and cool nights, every single day. i mean it never snows. at least they have an occaisional wind day that gives me a break from diving all the freaking time.
8. it is too economical, my wife keeps wanting to go back, and with all of these complaints I cant even say it is too expensive.
Cozumel is terrible, you should never go there.
Or from another perspective your list reads to my ears like: food that emphasizes quantity over quality, a requirement to dive with dive masters who insist on touching my gear and planning my dive, pushy vendors and street urchins, limited biodiversity of the caribbean and spending vacation with the types of people who love all those things.