Funny things heard on the dive boat

[tiggrr]

"Who's going to tell me when its time to come up?"

Guy didn't have a computer, watch, bottom timer.....nothing. Thought it was the DM's job to tell him when.

 

[tiggrr]

A father and son on a boat in Cozumel were showing off their numbers from their dive computers. Showing how they had gone to 140ft. They were very overweight and had less than 50 dives and diving air.

Told me they were going for their personal best depth.

 

[mike_s]

Forgot about this one...

"What do you mean the anchor line isn't tied off to the boat?" As we watch the 300ft of rope, attached to the 10ft of chain, and the anchor disappear below the surface.

I've actually been unlucky enough to witness that on a boat down in PCB.

apparently they had done this several times before though and had a float tied to the end of the anchor line in case they lost the entire line overboard. sounds simple enough right? pick up the line with a pole/hook right?



well dumbasses didn't have a boat pole with a hook on the end of it to pick up the line, so the captain decided to run over the line and let the deckhand pick it up on the dive platform as it came out the back of the boat. apparently he didn't disengage the props out of gear and the propeller shaft wound up the line on it.

we spent the next hour anchored in the wreck while they tried to cut the line out of the props.

NO I'M NOT KIDDING.


sad thing was that other passengers on the boat that were on there the day before said the deckhand and captain did the same thing the day before.

from what I understand, the captain got fired after that trip.

 

[EastEndDiver]

Starts raining while on a dive boat in Cayman a woman asks the captain if we should move our BC's under the hardtop so they don't get wet.

On a tender from a cruise ship a woman asks the operator if he can stop in different areas so she can get jars of the "different" colored water as we were heading in.

While diving the North Wall in Cayman a man points to Rum Point and asks if thats Brac or Little Cayman the operator says "Nahhhhhhhhh It's Cuba" without batting an eye.

While at Eden Rock dive center in Cayman a trio come from a cruise ship and spend about 60 minutes getting ready , after the "leader" determines that everything is a go they climb into the water start to snorkel out about 50 yards. When they are on top of the reef turn around and snorkel back in climb up the ladder the "leader" states his air is off and needs someone to turn it on.I graciously turn his air on trying not to laugh in his face and they start off again.Why one of his "buddies" could not do this in water still baffles me.

 

[sasquatcher]

One time we were sitting back on the boat thinking about the dive we were just on. I glanced over the other side of the boat and noticed one of the other divers had six toes on one foot. Basically, I'm probably the source of something funny heard on the dive boat. ....."hey, that guy's got six toes!?"

 

[dkktsunami]

Dive boat in Key Largo, moored to the Duane, basic "charlie foxtrot" occurring on the downline, three divers unable to descend in the current, a lot of gurgling, panting, kicking, splashing, yelling, and my mandated pick up buddy strides in but misses line, grabs another line supplied by the captain and is now being pulled under the dive boat.........

Captain's comment: "They should give these people a psychological profile before sending them out here"

My response: "And the dive operation thinks solo diving is dangerous........."

 

[BLUESEASONBALI]

i cant stand the water, i hate diving im only in it for the free lunches.....

 

[Lee Taylor]

A man was leaning over the side of the boat holding a string.

I asked, "What are you doing?"

His response, "Decompressing my computer".

 

[DevonDiver]

A muppet in Egypt complaining that his gear was on the 'sunny side' of the boat and would get too hot....just before being reminded that when the boat departed in 5 minutes, there would no longer be a 'sunny side' to the boat as it would be moving and changing direction.

A divemaster (!?!) who came up to me on a dive boat, having surfaced from a deep dive. Explained to me how they had aborted the dive, ascended quickly and skipped a safety stop because their dive computer had malfunctioned and started displaying strange info. They wanted to ask what their computer was doing...and remembered something about it saying 'ceiling'....!!!

Another divemaster (on holiday) explaining to a shop manager why he had abandoned his buddy, his group and the working DM....to conduct a solo bounce dive to 60+m on a v.deep wall and in v.strong current (Sipidan). Apparently, he was 'off-duty' and the rules did not apply to him. In return, dive shop manager explained to the muppet that Henry's Law still did....and that the muppet concerned would have to find a new dive center to continue his lunacy at.

 

[MarkUK]

Passenger: "Ooh, I need to swap my computer out for the second dive!"

Crew member: "Uh, why's that?"

Passenger: "There's something wrong with this one, so I always swap it out for my other one. Whenever I do two dives in a row with it it starts beeping like crazy when I ascend from the second dive."

Similar one to this on a liveaboard in the Caribbean. Overweight middle-aged guy with all the gear and no idea has just finished dive one and I see him taking his Vyper off and putting it in his bag, only to fish another one out of another pocket and put that on his wrist ready for dive two. After dive two, same procedure, stashes the just-dived computer in his bag and gets the first Vyper out ready for dive three. Same procedure for dive four.

At the end of the day, I am rinsing my two computers and he asks me why I wear two computers to dive. I told him that I have several incidences where a computer has gone down on me mid-way through a dive trip, so by wearing two, if this does happen, I still have a back-up computer which has up-to-date dive history on it.

He looks at me like I am daft and says, "Oh, that's not how I do it. On a liveaboard like this, I always do dive one and dive three on one computer, and dive two and dive four on another. It's great, I get way more bottom time than other divers do, particularly at the end of a week. Can't understand why more people don't do it."

I just nodded and walked away. People like this are beyond help...

Mark