Funny things heard on the dive boat
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A tourist asks a Newfoundlander:
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Newfoundlander replies:
"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the fookin' boat."
"Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the Newfoundlander replies:
"If they fell forwards they'd still be in the fookin' boat."
divingguru
Contributor
Not so much diving but dive boat related.
I was tour leading on a speedboat trip to the Phi Phi Islands in Thailand. I had around 15 customers on-board from all different parts of the world. One female customer (american) asked if she could have a 'coke' out of the cooler box, I reached in and grabbed her a 'pepsi', she asked "don't you have coke" I said "no sorry, we only have pepsi, but that's close enough, right?" - She then went absolutely crazy and demanded a coke, she told us that her agent when she booked the trip had told her that there would be coke on-board.
She sat in the corner of the boat for the rest of the day and didn't speak a word to anybody and refused to even go snorkelling around the beautiful reefs, all because of the coke!
Amazing
I was tour leading on a speedboat trip to the Phi Phi Islands in Thailand. I had around 15 customers on-board from all different parts of the world. One female customer (american) asked if she could have a 'coke' out of the cooler box, I reached in and grabbed her a 'pepsi', she asked "don't you have coke" I said "no sorry, we only have pepsi, but that's close enough, right?" - She then went absolutely crazy and demanded a coke, she told us that her agent when she booked the trip had told her that there would be coke on-board.
She sat in the corner of the boat for the rest of the day and didn't speak a word to anybody and refused to even go snorkelling around the beautiful reefs, all because of the coke!
Amazing
Papa_Bear
Contributor
She was a Coke head! She wasn't part of the Pepsi generation! She wanted to teach the world to sing? So without Coke she had nothing to do! Thank god you didn't give her a Dr. Pepper! 
Papa_Bear
Contributor
Wow, the sad thing it is not far off? There puff bladder will not expand and contract for ever, it may not be three? But your not doing them a favor!
Yellowmask
Registered
Not actually on the boat... heard on the shore following a Rescue Dive when one of our female divers was trying to rescue one of the larger male divers in the group:
"It took you a while to get him out of the water."
"I was doing okay... then these six guys from Greenpeace showed up and started hosing him down and trying to roll him back in there."
"It took you a while to get him out of the water."
"I was doing okay... then these six guys from Greenpeace showed up and started hosing him down and trying to roll him back in there."
j.doe
Contributor
Heard a good one the other day
Wife and I were out, and for what ever reason my ears were giving me issues. Anyways, the DM grabs one of his newly cert OW guys that was buddied with him and tells him in french that he is now buddied with her and that she will watch out for him. The new diver petrified looks at my wife and says in french that "I only speak french, how are we going to communicate under water"
My wife and I both were rolling on the ground laughing.
Anyways we both get a grip on ourselves and my wife explains in her broken french that you can't talk under water. He then opens up his mouth and says "nobody told me that in my class"
After another bout of laughing my wife asked for a new dive partner.
Best comic entertainment I have had in a while.
Wife and I were out, and for what ever reason my ears were giving me issues. Anyways, the DM grabs one of his newly cert OW guys that was buddied with him and tells him in french that he is now buddied with her and that she will watch out for him. The new diver petrified looks at my wife and says in french that "I only speak french, how are we going to communicate under water"
My wife and I both were rolling on the ground laughing.
Anyways we both get a grip on ourselves and my wife explains in her broken french that you can't talk under water. He then opens up his mouth and says "nobody told me that in my class"
After another bout of laughing my wife asked for a new dive partner.
Best comic entertainment I have had in a while.
jh_MacLeod
Contributor
This reminds me of a boat dive I did last year in Thailand.
Two German guys are getting their rental gear together. One is a diver and one is not; the non-diver is just going along to do some snorkeling while the rest of us are under. While trying to figure out his equipment, the snorkeler puts his mask on upside down, and I'm beginning to wonder if he even knows how to swim. The guy looks to be in his 60's and is over 300 pounds. I make sure the DM is aware of a potential problem in the plan; he just shrugs, yeah whatever, and we cast off. By the time we get to the dive site (average depth about 20 meters), the plan has been clarified. The first mate who will stay on the boat will watch after the guy; problem is, the first mate is a little Thai man about 1/4 the size of the German guy.
Anyway, we do the dive and return about an hour later. As we climb back onboard, we see the German guy "beached" in the bottom of the boat; panting, white as a sheet and looking like he's had a heart attack. And the first mate doesn't look much better. Seems the guy panicked as soon as he hit the water and it took his rescuer more than 30 minutes of desperate and heroic effort to (a) prevent him from drowning and (b) get him back on the boat.
jwcfbd
Registered
The funniest thing I've ever seen was a woman climbing out of the water in tears.
Once aboard the crew asked her what was going on. She starting talking about the dive and the star fish the DM pointed out (See pic below) and how she picked it up and was holding it for a few seconds. As the story went on she was getting more upset. She finally got to the point where she let it go about a foot off the bottom and that is when a big fish came by in a flash and swallowed it whole. She busted out in tears crying that it's dead because she just had to hold it. Everyone else on the board had to hold back the laughter. It took her a while to claim down.
Once aboard the crew asked her what was going on. She starting talking about the dive and the star fish the DM pointed out (See pic below) and how she picked it up and was holding it for a few seconds. As the story went on she was getting more upset. She finally got to the point where she let it go about a foot off the bottom and that is when a big fish came by in a flash and swallowed it whole. She busted out in tears crying that it's dead because she just had to hold it. Everyone else on the board had to hold back the laughter. It took her a while to claim down.
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