Funny things heard on the dive boat

[pafindr]

I got stung by a jellyfish when I was trying to protect a student from getting hit by it.
As I moved the jelly out of the way one of the tentacles wrapped around my wrist. After the dive I got back on the boat and told my buddy (the instructor) what happened he looked at me very seriously and says, "you want me to pi$$ on it?"

After the second dive he started loudly complaining that he must have gotten stung because his lips were burning. I looked at him in all seriousness and said, loudly, "you want me to pi$$ on it!"

 

[HowDidIGetIntoThis?]

My course director says he brings a plastic bag with alphabet soup with him on boat dives.

If its rough, he goes around the boat with an empty plastic bag making barfing noises. He then turns his back, switches the empty bag with the full one and spreads some "barf" all over his face.

The concerned divemaster then goes up to him and asks him if he's ok and if there's anything he can do to help. With "barf" all over his face, the course director hands the divemaster the full bag in view of all the divers.

You can guess what happens next.

The divemaster puts the bag full of "barf" up to his lips and swallows it, again in full view of the other divers.

After everyone else barfs, they go diving.

A stunt like that is a perfect setup to do something really gross to the ever-trusting DM. I must hang out with the wrong type of people to even have such a thought.

 

[BabyDuck]

A man was leaning over the side of the boat holding a string.

I asked, "What are you doing?"

His response, "Decompressing my computer".

eh, that could be legit. i've seen folks diving 32% but forgot to tell their computers, and being on air made the 'puter go into deco. we left one of my buddy's computers decompressing in the cavern of little river once, since it was a 20+ minute obligation...

hmm, funny dive boat stuff...i met my sweetie on a dive boat. we figured any time your first date involves multiple trips to puke off the back of the boat and you both want to have a second date, that person's a keeper!

 

[Coldwater_Canuck]

A stunt like that is a perfect setup to do something really gross to the ever-trusting DM. I must hang out with the wrong type of people to even have such a thought.

Oh man ............ that crossed some sort of line

 

[farsidefan1]

Boat captn, "Get of my boat"

 

[Tigerman]

My course director says he brings a plastic bag with alphabet soup with him on boat dives.

If its rough, he goes around the boat with an empty plastic bag making barfing noises. He then turns his back, switches the empty bag with the full one and spreads some "barf" all over his face.

The concerned divemaster then goes up to him and asks him if he's ok and if there's anything he can do to help. With "barf" all over his face, the course director hands the divemaster the full bag in view of all the divers.

You can guess what happens next.

The divemaster puts the bag full of "barf" up to his lips and swallows it, again in full view of the other divers.

After everyone else barfs, they go diving.

OMFG!! If my chair dint have these huge armrests id litterarilly be rolling on the flor laughing

 

[DevonDiver]

eh, that could be legit. i've seen folks diving 32% but forgot to tell their computers, and being on air made the 'puter go into deco. we left one of my buddy's computers decompressing in the cavern of little river once, since it was a 20+ minute obligation..!

He he... now that is funny...tricking your computer into thinking that you are safe from DCS!

 

[electric_diver]

Many years ago we were diving the City of Sheboygan out of Kingston Ontario. It was a rough ride out and many people didn't feel well. We tie off and the boat really starts to roll. One guy is fully geared up, leans over the side and pukes. When he's done he turns back in and says:
" always chew your food to nostril size"

 

[ZapDiver]

Two months ago I heard an OW Instructor say that a puffer fish could only puff three times and then it will die.

My buddy and I look at each other and did our best not to laugh our asses off..

 

[Tigerman]

Question is.. Where he pulling your chain or did he really think so?