Funny things heard on the dive boat

[snowflake4727]

He couldn't walk so I imagine fins weren't much used to him. Anyway that is what his buddy was for. This guy was big enough that he could have easily picked up his buddy in full gear, scooter and all, and carried him out of the water. Big guy.

I've got a video of that dive. I should put it on youtube. There is one clip in it where you can hear the scooter coming and Steph (the videographer) turns her head, and video, just to catch him on video turning at the last minute.

This was also the same dive that while that I thought the boat blew up. I was making my way down the anchor line and I hear this massive explosion. I probably blew 500psi. I'm expecting to look up and see the boat or a blown SCUBA tank falling down. Nothing. Continue down and get on the wreck. All of a sudden the DM come flying by me with his spear gun pointing straight ahead as he was chasing a pompano or something. Then an even bigger explosion. The DM was using a bang stick, legal in NC. Scared the crap out of me. Fortunately I was diving wet.

You would have been diving wet either way.

 

[Sinbad the Diver]

Wow, just wow! That guy will deserve some day a Darwin award.

unfortunately, that person's family will probably be represented by the ghost of Johny Cochraine when they sue the dive op that has the misfortune of having him as a customer when Darwin comes calling.

 

[Coldwater_Canuck]

She must be a relative of this lady:
While on a boat carrying a mix of certified divers,and "resort course" students, a slight rain started-more of a mist than anything else. One lady began to fidget nervously. I asked her if she was okay, and she asked-while pointing to her BC- "is it okay for this to get wet?"

That one is a lot better than the other "wet" ones, because there is some validity to not wanting stuff to get wet (either because you'd rather put gear on that isn't soaked, or becase you'd rather keep some things like your gear bag, towel, etc. relatively dry) but asking "is it okay" out of fear for damaging the gear is pretty funny.

 

[auger]

an old navy routine to break in "newbees".......loads of fun

 

[cudachaser]

Almost a dive boat story:

Last year I had a family taking OW. The youngest was 12. Well he performed excellently through all the classwork, pool and OW 1, 2 & 3. Finally we are on OW 4...about midway through the dive, he comes up to me all wide eyed like something was seriously wrong and signaled to go up. We got to the surface and before I could ask him what was wrong...he blurts out..."Is there anywhere I can take a crap?" I told him he'd have to wait till we get back to the dock...but it wouldn't be long. As soon as we tied up...he beelined to the rest room!

 

[scubadobadoo]

Dive Master: "Okay, be back in 30 minutes divers."

 

[Yellowmask]

This thread is making me think that there should be some sort of law against diving whilst stupid.

 

[Lee Taylor]

Male diver asking male puking diver:

Hey can I have your sandwich?

(It's a male thing)

 

[Blazinator]

This thread is making me think that there should be some sort of law against diving whilst stupid.

That'll be a new diving acronym - DUIS. Diving under the influence of STUPID.

Reminds me of Ron White's (Blue Collar comic) great saying, "Ya can't fix STUPID!!"

 

[FredT]

From my wife to a long time dive buddy, after a third diver had managed to spear him in the head on the back deck with a detach tip without the point mounted by grabbing his gun from a pile BY THE RUBBERS instead of asking for it to be handed to him. After we got the bleeding stopped little 5'2" Jeanne bent over and quietly said in a rather surprised and pleased tone of voice to Matt:

"I'm so proud of you. You let him live."

Idiot Diver seemed to vaporize. We were on about a 30' long boat, and didn't even SEE that diver again until we unloaded the boat 5 hours and many dives later when he came over to apologize. I have to assume he rode on the bow bull nose the rest of the trip to keep the center console between us and him.