Dive buddy's as a woman

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It is perfectly possible for two people to be madly in love with each other and yet be incompatible dive buddies. Just like he has found his style of divers, you can find your style of divers. As you progress there will be a lot of places where your interests will overlap and then there will not be an issue.

From the email it seems like you guys are new divers who are experiencing teething problems that we all did when we got certified. I think the best solution would be to find an easy shore diving destination (Bonaire) where the two of you can go and dive independently at your own slow pace so that there is no fixed time to jump in and come out. That way you will be able to learn at your own pace.
 
It is perfectly possible for two people to be madly in love with each other and yet be incompatible dive buddies. Just like he has found his style of divers, you can find your style of divers. As you progress there will be a lot of places where your interests will overlap and then there will not be an issue.

From the email it seems like you guys are new divers who are experiencing teething problems that we all did when we got certified. I think the best solution would be to find an easy shore diving destination (Bonaire) where the two of you can go and dive independently at your own slow pace so that there is no fixed time to jump in and come out. That way you will be able to learn at your own pace.
I am sorry Sinbad but I have to disagree that this is just buddy growing pains. The story is obviously one-sided but I am seeing a distinct lack of respect in her partner's behavior.

I hope I am wrong.
 
I am sorry Sinbad but I have to disagree that this is just buddy growing pains. The story is obviously one-sided but I am seeing a distinct lack of respect in her partner's behavior.

I completely agree.

And I don't know where SINBAD gets that they are "new" divers. Her dive count is the same as his and mine. Even if her count is on the lower side, that is still over 100 dives.
 
I feel miles better than 24 hours ago, thanks all.

Why give up something I enjoy cos someone else thinks I'm sitting in his save a dive box just in case.

i can dive in my own right and Prob build more confidence without some idiot competing with me over who has the most air and the least exposure protection.

back to the old chestnut, go out and have more fun, leave him with his new friends! Lol
 
I feel miles better than 24 hours ago, thanks all.

Why give up something I enjoy cos someone else thinks I'm sitting in his save a dive box just in case.

i can dive in my own right and Prob build more confidence without some idiot competing with me over who has the most air and the least exposure protection.

back to the old chestnut, go out and have more fun, leave him with his new friends! Lol
Your always welcome to come dive the Scottish west coast, we dive all year round and will buddy both sexes.
 
My husband and I initially couldn't dive together at all -- for the first six months or so after I got certified, I dove almost exclusively with other buddies. To this day, I have a lot of dive buddies I thoroughly enjoy seeing and diving with, and other than teaching, my husband and I don't dive together that much at home.

I found my buddies through my training. My first serious one adopted me to mentor me (we are still good friends, ten years later). My second was the person with whom I practiced and practiced to pass GUE Fundamentals -- we went on to take a bunch of classes together and to travel together, and he and I are still close friends and very happy dive buddies, although life has reduced the frequency of our dives.

You find like-minded buddies in the places where people dive like you. For me, it was the GUE community. For others, it's REEF, with its focus on marine life. Maybe it's a dive club that likes to schedule road trips to place you want to dive. Maybe it's your local dive shop, where you can meet other people with similar experience and interests. Find your niche, and what he does won't bother you any more.
 
I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.

when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.

While this has me wondering if this is just an outward manifestation of some underlying dissatisfaction about something else, I doubt Scuba Board is going to handle the non-diving aspects of the relationship.

then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.

It would be interesting to know what type of holidays these are, to what destinations? I'm wondering if it's somewhere with a range of activities, like a Sandals, or mainly just diving (e.g.: Bonaire), or what?

What is it that they want to do (that you presumably don't)?

What is it you want to do (that they presumably don't)?

Sounds like competing agendas, you think you're giving/accommodating more than he is, and he's diving with others he doesn't have to accommodate with?

Buddy interest mismatches are common. One likes to swim over large stretches of reef surveying the landscape & looking at big stuff, one wants to hunt anemone shrimp & nudibranches slowly. Do a forum search & read over some threads discussing the buddy system; some people want elbow-to-elbow never beyond arm's length separation, some want 'I can look around & see you' and some go in the water together because the dive boat op. demanded buddy diving.

then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.

Why he needs to sneak off (which is hard to do with scuba gear) I'd like to know. Were he up front, would you oppose him?

Any chance he wants 'guy time,' and instead of a sports bar or whatever, this is how he likes it?

If he's diving with other guys, maybe it would be awkward in their little get together if someone's wife came. Perhaps his buddy's wife wouldn't like his buddy diving with you, another woman, being involved? Just a possibility. You sort of allude to the 'mixed company' diving effect when you say this:

our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.

Perhaps you should adapt to a new dynamic then? Back when me wife was diving, a good single friend of ours usually dove with us. Just because we're married doesn't mean we're limited to diving with each other or couples.

In what way would you be holding him back? Does he want to dive more often, longer, deeper, swim faster covering more area, engage in a looser buddy style, etc…?

In another thread, some of the divers spoke of their wive's wanting to hold hands. I don't get that sense from you, but it does speak to the fact sometimes a diving spouse may have an influence on a dive different from diving with a non-romantic partner.

Understanding why he wants to do some of his diving with other people may or may not resolve what you see as a problem (does he see it as a problem?), but it would be interesting to know and might give you some peace of mind.

Richard.

P.S.: Oh, wow! On this thread do I get to be the one to bring it up? You've got over 100 dives, yes? Well, then you could do an SDI Solo or PADI Self-Reliant Diver course & start solo diving...
 
Interestingly I did ask how come I didn't get invited, the reply being that I wouldn't have wanted to go and therefore holding him back.

we have been on holidays from liveabords, to the west african cost, Maldives and uk. Choosing resorts specific to diving.

im willing to compromise and by not getting to do what I want, I mean, like when we're planning the dive and people say I want to see this or I'd like to try stop and photograph this, of course I'll chip in with what I'd like to see. However there have been times when we have planing and on the surface my husband hasn't expressed any interest, yet underwater shot off with his new friend (normally some guy who's wife is left looking after the kids). I'm not unreasonable and if anything if I really wanted to see something on a dive Id be more likely to let someone else do what they wanted to instead, but I do object when he just f's off underwater with whatever friend he has found, when we planned something else.

i get the he might want guy time, but then it's something we took up together as something to do as a couple, and if he now wants to change that he shouldn't expect me to be waiting for when they didn't want to come out to play, he can't have it both ways. It also annoys me that this people he wants to go with moan that they can't get their wives to dive. Plus I know for a fact he wouldn't like it the other way round

i think he used me to find his feet as he wouldn't want to get things wrong infront of the men folk, then I'm now surplus, unless there busy of course.

im going to go to my local clubs next pool session, something we never really did as he said it was pointless meet some people in a relatively fun environment
 
And I don't know where SINBAD gets that they are "new" divers. Her dive count is the same as his and mine. Even if her count is on the lower side, that is still over 100 dives.

I misread her number of "THANKS" as her number of dives. Sorry. Still getting used to the new lay out.
 
I misread her number of "THANKS" as her number of dives. Sorry. Still getting used to the new lay out.

no worries, I don't think I'm experienced, some people have thousands of dives and there is always something new

jeez I don't even know where to find buddy's, remember thinking in one of my 1st classes, I don't need to know that lol
 
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