Dive buddy's as a woman

[PaloPinto]

I absolutely believe you should find another dive buddy, sneak off and dive, don't let him have all the fun!

 

[lamarpaulski]

Guy doesn't know how lucky he has it. Just like everything else in marriage you have to meet each other half way. Find a good buddy. Join a lady's group, leave him at home a few times.

 

[spectrum]

I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.

when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.

then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.

then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.

our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.

so now I'm feeling like I don't want to dive anymore, but I've worked hard to get my advanced. I loved to dive and take photos. So a question for you

as ladys how do you find a like minded buddy?

I know this is an old thread but it ran in a season where I'm often otherwise occupied and since it's been revived......

How do does a guy even begin to"sneak off at weekends to dive with the boys"? Load a bunch of gear out of the house leave and expect not to be noticed? For this to even be plausible there would seem to be relationship issues beyond the scope of this forum.

Assuming you have a good marriage but he's a jerk are you a good competent diver? Are you the one that has little band width and comes off like the 3 little bears? Today is to cloudy, too cold, too close to that time...., I don't like that site and effectively do everything possible to suck the fun out of the day? That may be why he's trying to escape you as a diver.

Are you a good effective buddy leading when it's time and following as a good buddy? Have you been making good gear decision and caring for the stuff or are you a money pit? You don't need to lug tanks or load weights but are you packing lunch while he is being your gear Sherpa?

I know you're probably long gone and will never read this but this may be a good read for someone.

Pete

 

[shoredivr]

Hmm, Pete, you didn't read all of her posts did you? In a later post she said how an instructor had said she was a better diver than her husband. She also said she took better care of her gear. I hope she's having fun diving her fins off.

 

[FinnMom]

Hey folks: the original poster hasn't visted ScubaBoard since Jan 31, 2015, which is the day after she started this thread.

There doesn't seem to be any point in replying to her.

 

[Peter69_56]

I certified with my husband and we did everything together, however over the past 12 months things have changed.

when things go wrong with my kit he insists its me, even when I've proved its not and guides with us have verified it.

then when we're on holiday he will make friends with other males who's wives won't dive and basically goes off with them. If we dive as a trio, he will leave me, exclude me or we don't get to do the things I want to do, yet I do what they want to do.

then I find out he has been sneeking off at weekends to dive with the boys again excluding me (their wives won't dive). I asked him about it and he said that I wouldn't have wanted to go and I'm holding him back.

our other people who we dive with are couples like we were, but then I feel like I can't go just with them as it ruins the dynamics.

so now I'm feeling like I don't want to dive anymore, but I've worked hard to get my advanced. I loved to dive and take photos. So a question for you

as ladys how do you find a like minded buddy?

Rosie,

I find your issues sad. I dive with my wife and love having her there. In fact I prefer her to be there with me over anyone else. The sad part for me is that she has a PFO and is sometimes limited in what she can do, and also she doesn't like cold water diving so doesn't dive at home very often if ever. Whenever we go away and the water is warm we dive together. I only dive with others when home or when I am doing deep technical dives (although my wife can dive to 55m).

Make no mistake, although your hubby thinks you are holding him back, in fact I would suggest he is holding you back. You are keen to dive and have an open mind where his is closed. Pity you didn't live in OZ as you would be most welcome to dive with us. In looking for dive buddies in my area, I dive with anyone who is keen to dive. Sex, age or ability is NOT a limiting factor. Nor do we like chest beaters, we just like diving. I think that is your real issue. Your hubby is NOT a keen diver, but more a chest beating guy who wants to be with mates as its "cool" to do that. Those who truly love diving just want to dive. I suspect that's you. The where and how doesn't matter, just that you can enjoy company diving. That your partner choses not to is sad but not a show stopper.

I advertised here and also in gumtree.com.au and got a number of hits from people who were keen. You might also try going on a dive trip with people as often you meet people who become friends and future dive partners. Just beware tho as sometimes you can find the diver from hell (and that's another story). But don't give up, good dive friends are close to you. One of my closest dive buddies I found off scubaboard.

The closest dive buddy I have I married.

---------- Post added January 11th, 2016 at 04:35 PM ----------

Before you run to see a marriage counsellor, chillyinCanada may have identified the problem. Perhaps your husband knows you are the better diver and has issues dealing with it. Not every guy can admit something like that. I know, as my wife is actually the better of the two of us at diving. She has better air consumption (all females pretty much win on that count), better situational awareness and basically looks more put together than I when diving. I have seen this before between couples and ultimately it begins to look like a competition where the guy is trying to outdo his wife and usually fails miserably. The outcome is resentment and frustration for both.

Perhaps letting him dive with his buddies for awhile will give him some time to realize that diving is not competitive sport. Also, the guys will tell him how lucky he is to have a wife that dives so eventually he will come to see the error of his ways.

I relate to this. My wife is much better than me. She has great buoyancy control, uses less air and is more aware than me. Now does that make me feel inadequate, hell no, that's just the way it is. As long as we dive, the rest is just fun.

---------- Post added January 11th, 2016 at 04:43 PM ----------

Oh and I just got to read that she hasn't visited this site for ages. All that advice just laying about filling up the scuba board. Oh well back to the salt mine.

 

[cavedivingwoman]

Thanks for the replys. I think you hit the nail on the head cramping his style. We started together and learned from scratch. However if now feels like he only wants me to dive when he doesn't have anyone else....
.

Rosie, if he were a considerate and competent buddy, he would not be one-upping you. Diving is not a competitive sport. I can tell you first hand that it is the fastest way to kill a two-diver relationship. (I usually see the opposite with men trying to do everything for their partners, even if they don't know what they're doing).
Join a dive club, dive with other women or with men who don't have ego problems. Don't worry about "cramping his style." That sounds like a guilt trip from him. I agree that this may be a relationship problem or a "macho" thing with him. We dive for fun. Don't let him spoil it for you.

 

[Altamira]

Although the original Op might not be reading this thread, there is still a lot of valuable information and insights in here for those of us that ďive with spouses, partners, or instabuddies.

 

[chillyinCanada]

It would be nice if she were to come back and give us an update.