Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Teamcasa]

We have all heard this when diving on a smaller boat.

Diver 1: "Where is the head?"
Captain: "Off the stern, ladies to the left, men to the right."

 

[Miller64]

a couple glasses of wine,,this has been some interesting reading,,,I cant wait til i get out and say something stupid.(if i havnt already)...

 

[FritzCat66]

Also i knew an Pro diver DM also who took a full breath from his snorkel under water thinking it was the regulator...

Don't knock descending on your snorkel. It actually works! Saves backgas!

Well, for the first half-foot anyway...


(Spoken from experience... on multiple occasions, embarrassed to say. What can I say? It was a great snorkel and the mouthpiece felt just like my reg! Fixed it by carrying a portable snorkel folded up in my BC, so no temptations now... although I still do miss that snorkel sometimes.)

 

[Black Red]

Overheard in LDS, while browsing for gear.

Man : I want a dive knife.
Salesgirl: What type of dive knife do you need?
Man : I want a big dive knife.
Salesgirl: Now, why will you need a Big dive knife for?
Man : Dun you think it will make me look more macho?

At this moment, I cant help but turn around n look at the bewildered look on the salesgirl.

Wonder wat gave him tt idea?

 

[mbalmr]

Some of these are pretty good!!! Made for a very entertaining couple of hours.

 

[smellzlikefish]

What happens in your wetsuit, stays in your wetsuit.

 

[Scotttyd]

I was showing some pix of sand tigers to my non-diving co-workers and was asked "Are those trained sharks?" After laughing I had to tell him no, then he asked "Why don't they eat you?"

 

[mullen1200]

"Stay close to someone with a computer so you know how much air you have"

-A Course Director to his wife (who was diving without an spg)

............

 

[L_A_S]

sitting in DM class and discussing physics, including gas expansion behavior from depth etc. someone remembers a Bermuda Triangle special on the Discovery Channel about how undersea vents releasing steam may be the cause of ships sinking mysteriously. So my buddy Sam says I wonder how deep I'd have to be, and how many beans I have to eat the night before, to rip a fart big enough to rise, expand and cause the dive boat to sink.

 

[bamamedic]

my coworkers asked why i sounded excited after i got off the phone with a LDS. i told them because i was told you could see the canoe from the toilet. what they didn't know is that i was talking about the submerged dive platforms at a local lake. one of the platforms has a toilet tied to the top of it and there is a submerged canoe about 30 feet away, so visibility is at least 30 feet which is pretty good for local minneapolis lakes. i can't figure out why my coworkers think i'm strange.

My coworkers feel the same way about me....they think I'm absolutely insane! Especially when I start talking about cave diving. I swear, they are going to send me to the looney bin any day now