I Spent too much time reading SB and ...

[eponym]

Not to bump this thread, but here's something I came across today which I was working on more than a decade ago and never finished. You might not know the Gilbert and Sullivan original, so . . .

for a stage version with very young Kevin Kline and Linda Rondstat:

or for a star wars version with General Grievous:



That said, all together now, allegro non troppo . . .

I am the very model of contributors on Scubaboard
I’ve knowledge on all topics, whether commonplace or unexplored
I like to add to bp/wing and poodle jacket arguments
Of snorkels, splits, and agencies I can become intolerant
I post in forums everywhere, I hijack threads relentlessly
My avatar keeps changing but for now it’s an anemone
I point out typos everywhere and criticize your bad grammar
I get the in-jokes all the time, I even know the Warhammer

I help to keep the mof/non-mof threads eating up the server space
I’ve been reported sometimes and my posts were pulled to my disgrace
In short, in scuba knowledge whether commonplace or unexplored
I am the very model of contributors on Scubaboard

I have obsessions practical and lyrical
I also find those “Downfall” Hitler clips to be hysterical
I quote from other posters without giving them their due credit
I also greet new members if I deem their posts to be more fit
I can spot a tech poser from posts which follow in his wake
I know that deco theory can’t allow for divers’ own mistakes
I can tell the diference ’tween a novice and the real deal
Your split fins make me want to rant but mods they just won’t let me squeal

RGBM and VPM are not a hidden mystery
The DIR voices on Scubaboard are not what they intend to be
I know that Haldane’s work with goats should not be taken overboard
In short, I am the very model of contributors on Scubaboard

 

[eponym]

Hey, Pete, maybe you could make a new member class called "Modern Poster-General"?
(just kidding)

 

[eponym]

Been a while (covid, etc.) and I don't think I have shared this before (although at my age I am frequently wrong - but this is based in part in personal experience) . . .

Now I’ve heard there was a secret cave
That David dived and it eased his pain
But you don’t really care for scuba, do ya?
It goes like this, the reg, the mask
The long inhales, the long swims back
The brand-new caver thinking hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Your breath was slow but you couldn’t nav
You thought you saw a quick way back
The moonlight it was only an illusion
I tried to find the caving line
You finned up silt, you crapped the dive
I watched as you just chanted Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

You should have said your air was low
We could have made a deco blow
But you never showed your gauge to me, now did ya?
And though helium helped in your tank too
The dark narc it was moving you
Then every priceless breath we drew was Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well I laid the lines but you mucked it up
I couldn’t see so I tried by touch
I took the exit alone, I couldn’t find you
And even though it all went sour
I can’t blame silt or tidal hour
I stand before my judge without illusion
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well, maybe there’s another dive
As for me, I just can’t watch more die
I can’t be liable just ’cause I outbreathed you
But it’s not a crime to swim to the light
Yet someone’s son or husband tonight
Will weep a cold and broken hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Well people I’m not teaching now
I know the risks, I know the how
Of sites I used to dive before I trained you
And I’ve seen the flowers on the strand
But diving, love, is not that grand
It’s a cold and it’s a wet and dark delusion
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah