Bratface
Contributor
Hey, I need some! I miss the way it goes in hard and comes out soft and wet. I miss the way it tastes. Darn, I need some gum!
Post your funny/clean jokes here...
- Thread starter SteveDiver
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Bratface
Contributor
What did one old sagging boob say to the other old sagging boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.
If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.
Flux Man
Registered
Three men, a doctor, a priest, and an engineer, are golfing on a warm summer day. The only problem is the group they are behind has been playing really slow and hold up the entire course. After about the 7th hole, the doctor priest and engineer become fed up and decide to talk to the course marshal about their slow play.After they flag down the course marshal, they explain the problem.
The marshal says, "Ya, a lot of people have been complaining about them, but those men are actually firefighters, who about a year ago saved all our lives when the old pro shop burnt down. Unfortunetly, they became blind during the rescue, so we offered them free life time membership."
With a look of sorrow on his face, the doctor says, "Wow, I can't believe it. I have a friend who is an otologist. I'll give him a call tommorrow and see if there is anything he can do for them."
"Those poor souls. I will say a prayer for them everynight." the priest says.
The engineer turns to the marshal and asks, "Why don't they play at night?"
The marshal says, "Ya, a lot of people have been complaining about them, but those men are actually firefighters, who about a year ago saved all our lives when the old pro shop burnt down. Unfortunetly, they became blind during the rescue, so we offered them free life time membership."
With a look of sorrow on his face, the doctor says, "Wow, I can't believe it. I have a friend who is an otologist. I'll give him a call tommorrow and see if there is anything he can do for them."
"Those poor souls. I will say a prayer for them everynight." the priest says.
The engineer turns to the marshal and asks, "Why don't they play at night?"
Flux Man
Registered
A lawyer finds a magic lamp on the ground one day and decides to rub it. Low and behold a genie comes out and booms, "You have found my lamp and freed me for that I will grant you three wishes! The only catch is that for every thing you ask for, every other lawyer will get double that."
The lawyer immediately says, "I want one of those new porsches."
"It shall be done! But every other lawyer will now have two porsches!"
Next the lawyer says, "I want a billion dollars."
"It shall be done! But again, every other lawyer now has 2 billion dollars!"
Then the lawyer sits there and thinks for a minute and finally proclaims, "Genie, I've done a lot of bad things in the world and I want to start to make things better, so this wish I want to make it count. Genie, I wish to donate a kidney."
The lawyer immediately says, "I want one of those new porsches."
"It shall be done! But every other lawyer will now have two porsches!"
Next the lawyer says, "I want a billion dollars."
"It shall be done! But again, every other lawyer now has 2 billion dollars!"
Then the lawyer sits there and thinks for a minute and finally proclaims, "Genie, I've done a lot of bad things in the world and I want to start to make things better, so this wish I want to make it count. Genie, I wish to donate a kidney."
Penopolypants
Contributor
Why are math books so sad?
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Because they've got problems!
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. ''What on earth,'' she inquired of the artist standing nearby, ''is that?''
He smiled condescendingly. ''That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.''
''Well, then,'' snapped the little old lady, ''Why isn't it?''
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Because they've got problems!
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. ''What on earth,'' she inquired of the artist standing nearby, ''is that?''
He smiled condescendingly. ''That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child.''
''Well, then,'' snapped the little old lady, ''Why isn't it?''
Diver Dennis
Contributor
A man goes to visit his grandfather in the hospital.
"How are you Grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine." says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nurses?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all, Nine hours solid every night. Before I go to sleep they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. That's it, I'm out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this and rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing? My grandfather tells me you're giving him Viagra every night. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the head nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well, the hot chocolate puts him to sleep and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
"How are you Grandpa?" he asks.
"Feeling fine." says the old man.
"What's the food like?"
"Terrific, wonderful menus."
"And the nurses?"
"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."
"What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?"
"No problem at all, Nine hours solid every night. Before I go to sleep they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. That's it, I'm out like a light."
The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this and rushes off to question the nurse in charge. "What are you people doing? My grandfather tells me you're giving him Viagra every night. Surely that can't be true?"
"Oh, yes," replies the head nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well, the hot chocolate puts him to sleep and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."
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okay, so captain Joey just called to tell me his blonde joke. The trajic part is....I did not get it and he had to explain it to me.
This guy is in bed with his wife and the phone rings. She answers and says "I don't know, thats 200 miles away". and the husband says "what was that all about?" and she says "I have no idea, this guy was asking me if the coast was clear."
This guy is in bed with his wife and the phone rings. She answers and says "I don't know, thats 200 miles away". and the husband says "what was that all about?" and she says "I have no idea, this guy was asking me if the coast was clear."
How many lawyers does it take to roof a house?
It depends on how thin you slice 'em!
Did you guys hear about the blonde who drowned at the local swimming pool? Somebody told her there was a scratch and sniff on the bottom.
It depends on how thin you slice 'em!
Did you guys hear about the blonde who drowned at the local swimming pool? Somebody told her there was a scratch and sniff on the bottom.
OP
SteveDiver
Contributor
Hillbilly Overalls
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