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BigWhiteSquare
Contributor
Oh yeah. This B.S. story definitely belongs next to threads about people dying. Get a grip idocsteve. The " Humor, Games, Clips, Yarns & Tales " page is the place for bovine scat like your "story".
wetrat
Contributor
I believe you. I saw a mermaid at Carlos-n-Charlie's in Cozumel. Oh wait.... no that was a barmaid.
BigWhiteSquare
Contributor
Fellow Scubaboard denizens, I come before you now as a humbled and broken man. I find myself in an uncomfortable and awkward position, for you see I must now publicly offer up sincere and humble apologies for remarks I made earlier regarding the story posted by idocsteve. My comments were driven by anger and the jealousy I feel when I realize I will never be able to pen such a masterpiece as we have seen here. In short, it had nothing to do with the fact that his story was originally posted in the "Accidents and Incidents" forum. You know, the one where people tell all those creepy stories about fellow divers being hurt and killed. What utter cheek on my part to even imply that his story didnt belong there. To his credit, idocsteve reprimanded my truculence straightaway, in the form of this private message:
Oh, truer words were never spoken! So now I must turn to you, idocsteve, and offer up this, my sincerest apology: I shall endeavor to address each point you insightfully brought up. In return I ask only that you have patience with my expressions of regret, for I am a mere drudge in the face of limitless talent such as yours.
A little "brevity"? Do you, by chance, mean levity? While I'd be the first to admit your oh-so-entertaining novella was practically overflowing with the latter quality, it seemed a little lacking of the former. However, I certainly don't want you to be discouraged by this, the mildest of criticisms. Please, by all means, do entertain us in the future with every little stream of consciousness that falls from your pen, or perhaps more accurately, your keyboard. The sheer brilliance of your talent will warm everyone lucky enough to read your works for years to come. So if youre wondering whether I have a "lot of anger," yes, its absolutely true. I do. Im angry that, unlike you, my name will never be mentioned among the giants of American literature. Think about it. Hundreds of years from now students all across this great land will be studying the collected works of Melville, Twain, Faulkner, Hemingway and idocsteve. I feel privileged to witness to this auspicious moment in history. The rest of us mere plebeians must content ourselves to fall enthralled at your feet, hoping that someday in the not-so-distant future you will once again favor us with immortal lines like "her outfit was pink; and she filled hers pretty much the same way as the first, although due to her somewhat larger upper body endowment, her suit consisted primarily of two large conch shells" Oh the sheer rhapsody contained in your words! The sweet mystery of life is revealed whenever I read that story. It still gives me shivers.
With respect to my marital status, it's so generous of you to offer your insight. I was just pondering the very subject you were kind enough to broach. "Why, oh why?" I've said to myself "have I failed so miserably in my constant attempts to acquire a loving little "dive buddy for life" and house full of raucous "little white squares" running all about." After no small amount of consideration, and more than a little consternation, I believed I've arrived at the most germane point: I've set my standards unreasonably high. I find myself constantly regretting, after these many years, that I've been so very stringent in my insistence that potential spouses are free of any of the "major" sexually transmitted diseases, possess at least a majority of their teeth, and are able to read and write a sentence in somewhat standard English. What utter folly! How could I have been so blind that I let these arbitrary and banal guidelines come between me and the heavenly domestic bliss that comes so easily to those like you whom the fates have smiled upon? My solitary existence will be my punishment for my puritanical rigidity. But enough about me and my personal eccentricities! No doubt a man of your immense literary talent is not constrained by such peculiar strictures. Your choice in companions no doubt reflects a more open-minded approach.
Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?
Most humbly,
BigWhiteSquare
idocsteve:
Oh, truer words were never spoken! So now I must turn to you, idocsteve, and offer up this, my sincerest apology: I shall endeavor to address each point you insightfully brought up. In return I ask only that you have patience with my expressions of regret, for I am a mere drudge in the face of limitless talent such as yours.
A little "brevity"? Do you, by chance, mean levity? While I'd be the first to admit your oh-so-entertaining novella was practically overflowing with the latter quality, it seemed a little lacking of the former. However, I certainly don't want you to be discouraged by this, the mildest of criticisms. Please, by all means, do entertain us in the future with every little stream of consciousness that falls from your pen, or perhaps more accurately, your keyboard. The sheer brilliance of your talent will warm everyone lucky enough to read your works for years to come. So if youre wondering whether I have a "lot of anger," yes, its absolutely true. I do. Im angry that, unlike you, my name will never be mentioned among the giants of American literature. Think about it. Hundreds of years from now students all across this great land will be studying the collected works of Melville, Twain, Faulkner, Hemingway and idocsteve. I feel privileged to witness to this auspicious moment in history. The rest of us mere plebeians must content ourselves to fall enthralled at your feet, hoping that someday in the not-so-distant future you will once again favor us with immortal lines like "her outfit was pink; and she filled hers pretty much the same way as the first, although due to her somewhat larger upper body endowment, her suit consisted primarily of two large conch shells" Oh the sheer rhapsody contained in your words! The sweet mystery of life is revealed whenever I read that story. It still gives me shivers.
With respect to my marital status, it's so generous of you to offer your insight. I was just pondering the very subject you were kind enough to broach. "Why, oh why?" I've said to myself "have I failed so miserably in my constant attempts to acquire a loving little "dive buddy for life" and house full of raucous "little white squares" running all about." After no small amount of consideration, and more than a little consternation, I believed I've arrived at the most germane point: I've set my standards unreasonably high. I find myself constantly regretting, after these many years, that I've been so very stringent in my insistence that potential spouses are free of any of the "major" sexually transmitted diseases, possess at least a majority of their teeth, and are able to read and write a sentence in somewhat standard English. What utter folly! How could I have been so blind that I let these arbitrary and banal guidelines come between me and the heavenly domestic bliss that comes so easily to those like you whom the fates have smiled upon? My solitary existence will be my punishment for my puritanical rigidity. But enough about me and my personal eccentricities! No doubt a man of your immense literary talent is not constrained by such peculiar strictures. Your choice in companions no doubt reflects a more open-minded approach.
Can you ever find it in your heart to forgive me?
Most humbly,
BigWhiteSquare
LOL:lol:
Isn't that an oxymoron?BigWhiteSquare:
OP
idocsteve
Guest
BigWhiteSquare:
Thanks for the clarification Whitey!
BigWhiteSquare:
Your standards are fine. The problem is that you are hanging out in the wrong bars!
Hammerhead
Contributor
Tengai:Are you sure she was a natural redhead? If I remember correctly red is the first color that should have faded as you went down deeper with her??
"with" or "on":11:
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