So what do you say if

[victorzamora]

"Have you ever seen the TV show Wife Swap? Because I'm going diving with that guy over there now"

But seriously... If it were me, I would start with asking how they thought the dive went and try to get somewhere constructive from there (i.e. their acknowledgement that they did some dumb stuff, and what could be done to improve that). But in your place I would probably just move on

I just finished Full Cave, and in all four classes and 16 dives (Cavern, Intro, Apprentice, Full)....the insturctor asked us that very question. Every debrief started with: So, how do you think the dive went? If we didn't point out a mistake we made, why it was a mistake, and how to correct it, he would do so for us. After the first one, though, we found most of the flaws ourselves. If you end a dive and get asked that question, it makes you think. If you get asked it a lot, it makes you think automatically after EVERY dive. That's what that practice got me doing. Normally, asking someone how they thought the dive went makes them question. Also, it doesn't hurt to kinda make-up a flaw you made. "Oh, I had a lot of trouble clearing my mask" or "I'm proud of my air consumption because I have plenty, but I used to be a bit of an air hog!" It makes it seem like you're not scolding him, but that it's part of your debrief after every dive. I think it's something you should do after every dive no matter what. Your buddy may have caught mistakes you made!

One thing you may want to do is have a private conversation with a very good diver (bigger/stronger guy wouldn't hurt), explain the situation, and see if he could dive with him or with both of you. Then, if something goes wrong you have someone bigger AND better than you to help you out....AND you still get to learn from the better diver. A DMC or DM wouldn't hurt to have with you. Normally DMs/DMCs are where they are because they want to help teach/coach/mentor people, and they may gain invaluable experience from it. I was often that guy (big guy, DMC....not that I'm a good diver )....and after a few I figured out tactful ways to deal with different personality types. My main go-to was what I have to do with my fiancee: admit my mistake, show you your mistake, compliment you on something you did well. Ending with a compliment makes them short-term not mad at you, and long-term they still think about what they did wrong........if they care about being a decent diver. If they don't care, then RUN. Run fast, run hard, run far. That person is dangerous. Anyone that partakes in a risky hobby and doesn't want to get better needs to be avoided at ALL COSTS. They put you at risk and can get you into bad habits.

 

[chrpai]

Along the same lines.....

I was in the water one day getting ready to do a solo dive. Several AOW students were in the water while their instructor was getting ready to get in the water. While he was suiting up he asked them to take a compass heading and tell him the direction of the safety zone. One of the students answered "South". This got my attention really quickly because I knew the answer was "North."

I didn't say anything at first. I waited to see what would happen. None of the other divers offered up a second opinion. I waited a little longer to see if the instructor would say something. He didn't. Finally I decided that despite not being part of the class I needed to say something.

"Are you sure South will get you back to the shoreline?"

Finally another student spoke up and said "I think it's North." The others then agreed and the instructor jumped in the water.

Sometimes it's hard to know when to let something play out or to speak up. I try not to step on peoples toes too hard but in general I choose to speak up more.

 

[spectrum]

I have no idea what you mean and am not sure I even want to know.

I was up a few pounds coming off winter but the tide has turned. What were you thinking?

 

[ladyfishdvr]

So before hand... I will ask what kind of diving have you done in the past few months? How about I lead the dive and you stay on my left. I love to navigate.

After ... depending on the situation

So how do you think that dive went?

or Your style of diving is not compatible with mine, Gosh look at the time I really have to run...

or You really had some problems on that dive. Are you ok? I think you would be better diving with someone more experienced next time. Gosh look at the time I really have to run....

or Gosh look at the time I really have to run....

---------- Post added July 16th, 2013 at 02:11 PM ----------

I was up a few pounds coming off winter but the tide has turned. What were you thinking?

I was confused.

 

[windapp]

So before hand... I will ask what kind of diving have you done in the past few months? How about I lead the dive and you stay on my left. I love to navigate.

After ... depending on the situation

So how do you think that dive went?

or Your style of diving is not compatible with mine, Gosh look at the time I really have to run...

or You really had some problems on that dive. Are you ok? I think you would be better diving with someone more experienced next time. Gosh look at the time I really have to run....

or Gosh look at the time I really have to run....

The pre-dive planning with your buddy really should be a comfortable easy-flowing experience. You should be sharing how you like to dive, personal limits, things you have seen on previous dives, what you would like to do on this dive, whether or not you would like to break off from the group etc. If you have done the pre-dive planning, "How do you think that dive went" should really not have to come up in your conversation. If there is something you didn't like, you should be able to say "Can we try it X way next time". If they didn't follow the plan, it is perfectly acceptable for you not to talk to them again, and simply find yourself a new dive buddy. Your silence will speak volumes.

 

[maniago]

I have a couple of buddies that like to dive on weekdays. Mick Maniago (who has posted on this thread) and I dove yesterday.

Yes, yes we did, and we had two thumping good dives of over an hour each. Just a great Monday in the water!

---------- Post added July 16th, 2013 at 03:25 PM ----------

I also belong to Indian Valley Divers although that is NOT the club I was diving with that day, but it was at Dutch Springs.

Shoot me PM if you'd like to dive Dutch. My wife and I dive there, or try to, once a week on weekdays, and you're welcome to buddy along...we're both AOW as well.

 

[Adventure-Ocean]

You handled yourself very well in a very difficult situation. I am the kind of person to just say it like it is. Tell him or her what they did wrong and suggest they get more training before something terrible happens.

http://www.adventure-ocean.com

 

[FinnMom]

If you want to nice/positive you can always say "Gee, that sure wasn't boring"
In your log book you can mark this down as a training dive: an excellent experience for stress management.

When things are this bad you should try to let them know they have a serious need for practise & maybe more training. On the other hand I wouldn't recommend you waste time talking to anyone that isn't listening.

These instabuddy war stories are a big part of why my kid got a free trip when I wanted to try my first liveaboard!

 

[herbdb]

These instabuddy war stories are a big part of why my kid got a free trip when I wanted to try my first liveaboard!

I understand I try to travel with one of my sons when I can, but I am always comfortable with the divers trained by my LDS.

Ladyfish, if you decide to do a dive trip, you can rely on Sue Douglas and Dave Vailaka at IVS to find you the right trip and make sure you are comfortable with your dive companions.

We may have met at a meeting, if so I was the potato shaped grey haired old guy. I think I am the oldest active member. I like diving with younger people because they can help me with my wetsuit.

 

[Frosty]

ladyfishdvr Not for a second am I saying I don't believe you. But what you are saying happened just doesn't make sense.
It 'sounds" to me almost as if the diver concerned did what he did deliberately to check your reaction.
Is it possible that the diver concerned was in some way involved in your training?

Not wanting to be offensive but it just seems such a newbee diver reaction.