Why do we bash each other?

[MXGratefulDiver]

Geeze. I post a Christmas photo there and someone comments that I don't have a long hose. That's pretty funny.

Actually, Ellen, I think that one falls under the theme of The Pub's slogan ... "Where off-topic is the topic ...

Getting back to the title question for a moment ... I don't think there's as much actual bashing going on in ScubaBoard as it seems to a lot of people. This is a huge community ... and one where we spend time discussing things with people who we might not choose to even HAVE conversations with in real life. I don't think we'd all like each other ... or even necessarily get along ... if we were face-to-face. Think of the people you interact with at work every day ... do you like and get along with all of them? It's a bit idealistic to think so. Human nature being what it is, there's always a percentage of people who will rub you the wrong way. In real life, we can choose to not be around those people. On an Internet forum we really don't get that choice (and no ... the Ignore button will not get you away from them ... that's more like pretending they aren't there). Again, human nature being what it is, we tend to assign motives to what people say based on how well (or not) we like them. Someone we like can say something and we'll take it in a certain way ... even if we disagree with them. Someone we don't like can say the exact same thing and we'll "read" a tone, and even an intent into it that probably wasn't there.

It's just the nature of being human. And no matter how open-minded we view ourselves, we all have to deal with the emotional responses that come with being human.

As is the case with most things, it truly boils down to our own personal choices as to how we take someone else's words. There are some long-time members of ScubaBoard who used to bug the hell out of me. I viewed them as bullies and smart-asses ... and those traits tend to evoke a strong negative response in me. Over time I came to realize that's not what they were at all ... that because I'm sensitive to those traits I was reading things into their posts and assigning traits and motives that really weren't there. Once I decided to look at their posts differently, I started seeing humor where I hadn't seen it before ... and suddenly those folks were alright with me. I've even come to consider some of them as friends.

So I guess my point is that a lot of what you see as "bashing" isn't bashing at all ... it's really your own perception of intent based on personality traits that you assign to someone on the limited perspective you can get by reading their posts.

So next time you think someone's bashing, take a minute to ask yourself if this is really not just a difference in perspective based on personality traits or experiences you don't share with this person. Sometimes you can surprise yourself at how different it comes across when you choose to factor your own preconceptions into the context of what was said.

Another thing I've found effective sometimes is if someone's bugging you, drop them a PM. Not a nasty "you're bugging me" PM ... but something friendly. It tends to personalize us to each other, and their response will usually tell you whether you were right or wrong in your initial assessment of how this person really intended to come across. I've made quite a few friends on ScubaBoard that way ... often from people I otherwise hadn't been getting along with very well.

Finally, try not to take these conversations too seriously. Scuba diving is a recreational activity ... we do this for fun. Taking it too seriously tends to suck the fun out of it and turn it into something that more closely resembles work. Dunno about you, but I come here to get AWAY from office politics.

For the most part this ia a pretty mellow place to hang out ... particularly when you consider how many people interact here and the incredible variety of personalities involved. You'd be hard-pressed to find a real-life environment where so many people can get along so well with so few actual problems.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[S. starfish]

Fundies doesn't make someone DIR (neither does a long hose, BTW).

Did the turd mention whether or not he succeeded in passing the class?

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

He didn't say, I didn't ask. Finding out his diving and dive training history was secondary to making him leave so we could get back to enjoying the sun and water and not have to hear and angry rant about how much better we were than everybody else. I mean I know I'm great and all, but sometimes I get tired of hearing it. :mooner: Besides whether he passed or not didn't really matter, the damage was done. I just thought the event was interesting as it is the only significant instance of "bashing" that I've encountered outside of the internet.

I know a long hose doesn't mean DIR. I suppose a better and more thorough way of saying it would have been: "He saw our long hoses and through inductive reasoning correctly surmised that we subscribed to a set of shared ideas and practices commonly referred to as Doing It Right".

 

[CamG]

Greetings fellow Scuba Board members and this has been a great thread. I have come to appreciate many of the voices here on SB. And I must say that I have learned a tremendous amount from both positive and negative posts. I love the fact that people do not agree and have the freedom to do so. We never will reach our potential if everyone agrees with us. All of us need to be challenged and we need to be called out from time to time. Some times feelings can get in the way of good information, and need I say opinion become more than forceful. I feel that many times the intentions are not meant to be hurtful but rather quite the opposite. Some of the others use wit or humor to make points and I appreciate these. Lets just agree that in the Considering diving or Beginning divers forum we all need to be careful with wordings and gracious.
We all started from humble beginnings and needed grace at the start as well. I feel very fortunate for the grace that has been extended to me on many occasions by those that did not need to. The spirit of Scuba Board is what makes this a unique place that I have come to treasure and respect very much. Not just those that agree with me but especially those that have challenged me to grow outside my comfort zone. Thanks to all of you!
Some times it takes a few flames to refine character. With in the appropriate forum and spirit obviously. Diversity brings a wealth of knowledge and the wisdom to use it.
CamG Keep diving....keep training....keep learning!

 

[TheSmoothDome]

So I guess my point is that a lot of what you see as "bashing" isn't bashing at all ... it's really your own perception of intent based on personality traits that you assign to someone on the limited perspective you can get by reading their posts.

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

I agree that at times personal perception gets in the way of actual intent, but when does perception become reality? I'm not trying to get philosphical here, but when many people believe someone is bashing, then they're bashing. It doesn't really matter what the intent was, the result is what is remembered. I've seen more than a few posts on other boards refering to the negativity and bashing that has taken place on SB. To state that it is because of limited perspective doesn't really change the fact that the perception is out there and it's not just an isolated situation.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

I agree that at times personal perception gets in the way of actual intent, but when does perception become reality? I'm not trying to get philosphical here, but when many people believe someone is bashing, then they're bashing. It doesn't really matter what the intent was, the result is what is remembered. I've seen more than a few posts on other boards refering to the negativity and bashing that has taken place on SB. To state that it is because of limited perspective doesn't really change the fact that the perception is out there and it's not just an isolated situation.

That there's a great example of what I'm talking about.

It's easy to take one sentence out of a lengthy post and turn it into just about anything you want it to be.

Just curious if you read the rest of what I wrote ... and if so, does the context have anything to do with the meaning of the one sentence you decided to take issue with?

I am active on a few other boards too, and do see some references to the sort of comments you're referring to. Without exception, those are smaller boards ... usually regional in nature, or with generally more homogenous-thinking members.

It's very easy to keep disagreements to a minimum on boards where everyone more or less thinks the same or on those where everybody knows everybody else. It's much more difficult to do so on a board where you're unlikely in the extreme to meet, personally, the vast majority of the people you talk to on a daily basis. ... or where your backgrounds and interests run a broader spectrum.

It's not a matter of philosophy ... it's a matter of human nature. Cities tend to be more dynamic in terms of conflict than villages for a reason ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[DaleC]

I've met Bob in the parking lot once. He's a lot like he is on the board: big toothy grin, pointy nose, beady little eyes.

 

[otterdive]

Seems to me that a great deal of the perceived "bashing" could be avoided by posters if they simply go back to the original post on each thread, and try to stick to the original issue, or the OP's original question. If responders would ask themselves how their posts might sound to others, and how does my post HELP the situation, their message might be better understood. You might be absolutely right about what you have to say, but if you say it in a negative way, it's not likely to be well received. Also ask yourself, "do I really need to respond at all?"

I really think it's possible to get a good idea of another person's true personality via the written word. It's not perfect. Not being able to see another person's facial expression, or hear their voice inflections, certainly has a big effect on communication. But, as the eHarmony commercial states, a certain percentage of relationships leading to marriages are a result of online communication.

I also believe in the old saying "if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, and acts like a duck... it's more than likely a duck." It could be a goose, or something else, but it's probably a duck. If you stomp around, call people names, insult them, go off-topic, and generally act like a bitter, grumpy, know-it-all, crybaby, a**hole... well, what are we really supposed to think about you? For some of you with impressive credentials, the negative posts really get in the way of you being able to share your experience with the rest of us.

Also we could all ask ourselves how we would respond if we were standing right in front of another person. Would we take the same attitude, say the same things, and behave the same way. For some of you, if you were on my boat, I would duct tape your mouth shut and throw you in the bilge.

Let's all just devote ourselves to helping the OP on each thread. If you feel the need to go off-topic, or get personal, start a new thread.

 

[Walter]

Sorry Otter, but that doesn't work. Conversations flow, often responding to the original post no longer makes sense, but responding to a later post does. Also when responding to the original post in a helpful, polite manner, it is still possible for others to think you are bashing because you do not have the same opinion of the value of something that they have.

 

[otterdive]

Sorry Otter, but that doesn't work.

Well, I tried!

 

[Walter]

Keep trying.