This thread comes as a spin off from a long discussion elsewhere, and I think merits discussion it its own right -
The scenario involved a very experienced and competent diver (an instructor) who showed a tendency to 'wander off' and do their own thing during a dive and not maintain good buddy skills. In real life the scenario had a tragic ending.
Has this happened to you, what did you do, with hindsight what would you do different?
So basically three questions
1/ - "How do I confront an 'experienced' buddy about their behaviour"
2/ - "What can I do if the experienced diver is not open to feedback"
3/ - "How do I, as an experienced diver, remain open to feedback from my buddies"
Phil
1/- I always start with the "why" question. For example, say the buddy kept trying to go deeper than we had agreed upon pre-dive. I would say, "when we were at 30 meters I noticed you kept going deeper, but I thought we had agreed to dive to max 30. What was happening?"
This just gives the buddy an opening to talk. Sometimes the answer might surprise you. In one case where this happened to me, my buddy reported that his computer never showed that he was deeper than 30 metres and the logbook confirmed it. I had to go and get him several times from 35 metres, and my logbook confirmed my maximum depth. It turned out his computer was broken. In other cases they'll give you some kind of BS story to explain it, which gives you the opening to say, "Ok, I understand what you're saying, but as your buddy, that makes me uncomfortable. I much prefer to stick to the plan." This gets a discussion going about expectations without being so confrontational that they get their back up before you can make your point.
2/- Not much. If you can't adjust or accept their behaviour then you don't have a choice.
3/- You need to take your buddy seriously. If you don't have a "team" mentality then it's going to be hard for you to see your buddy as an equal, especially if they are less experienced, younger, man/woman or all that kind of stuff that sometimes causes people to disrespect or disregard another person. If you're having issues and you would *like* to adjust then asking your buddy the "why" question (again, the why question) will help get a discussion opened where everyone can get their wishes on the table. At that point, look for common ground first and then work on the bits where someone needs to adjust.
R..