Advice for my younger brother

[DukeAMO]

There are a lot of scubaboard haters out there. Maybe the concern is that you'll listen to what you hear online, at the expense of listening to your instructor(s). Scubaboard posters can also be very hard on instructors.

It came as a surprise to me when, about half way through, the instructor ordered me to leave the pool room for the remainder of the lesson. According to my wife, after I left the instructor took my brother aside and had a whispered conversation with him. When they met me at the car my brother was crying and he continued to cry for the entire drive home. He has never spoken about it again. When asked he says that he can't remember what was said. All he knows is that he failed. I received no information from the instructor other than it was his belief that my brother only wanted to dive because I do.

Sometimes the simplest explanation is the closest to the truth. If the instructor thought your brother was only trying to dive to impress you, the instructor would want you out of the room to pull your brother aside and figure out how he really felt. Your brother may not want to tell you that he was doing it for you, but he wasn't really ready. Giving up on something like that can definitely make a teen cry, even if it's his own choice.

 

[FinnMom]

Wow. It soulds like your instructor got his toes stepped on and didn't take it very well. I think he might have been against your posting here
1) because as a knee-jerk reaction it just feels like a privacy violation to tell the whole world w/o his knowledge (perhaps not realizing no names or even locations were mentioned)
2) because he resented even you, let alone some SB poster thinking they had a right to intrude on how he was handling a problem btwn him & his student
3) because he knows SB well enough to be intimidated/humiliated by the known names & vast experience of some (surprisingly many) many folks reading these posts about hearing how his class isn't going so well
4) because he's been bullheaded or otherwise a dink/twit on SB and is still angry about the feedback he got ;-)

I can't know if your brother maybe was only trying to please you. My immediate worry was just that no matter how much he was interested or enjoying himself, if a teen/preteen/young adult feels like an older family member is pushing him around then very quickly the very most important thing in their world will be resistance/pushing back/getting even or whatever similar "seeing red" reaction.
Generally the young person does have some valid reason (albiet maybe small or far back in the chain of events) for feeling like he's being pushed around.

 

[ToyZuki9615]

If your brother decides to give it a try again I highly suggest you consider Jim Lapenta's book, SCUBA:A Practical Guide for the New Diver.

In the original post you mention that your wife didn't believe he understood or respected the buddy system. IMHO the current basic open water classes do a poor job of explaining the buddy system. I read Jim's book before taking my class and it seemed to fill the gaps that weren't covered by the standard material. Compared to the rest of my class I felt like I was an experienced diver, lol. Since certification, I have dove near classes being conducted and with recently certified divers (and even several that have been diving for some time) and many don't seem understand the concept of the buddy system.

 

[TSandM]

Dynamics with teens can be difficult. Several years ago, we tried to certify the husband and two kids of one of my best friends. The younger son was 13. Father and the older son did fine (and still dive) but the younger one really didn't want to be there, and we didn't realize how MUCH he didn't want to be there until he threw a complete panic attack at us. He was standing in the shallow end of the pool, screaming, "Don't come near me, don't come near me!". I wish one of us had had a quiet word with the kid before things got that far. I don't know if he would have told us what was going on inside him, but we might have been able to avoid a real disaster that way. Maybe this instructor did the absolute right thing for your brother.

 

[freewillie]

At first when I saw the thread I thought your brother was much older. Even with the time between first and recent post he is only 15. Still very young. I would have some reservations as a parent with a 13 y.o. taking a scuba course and not being fully engaged. That would raise a bunch of red flags as the parent and if I didn't think the kid was doing his/her best I would pull the plug and have them try again later in a few years.

I actually have a similar situation developing now. My oldest daughter is 16 and has been certified for 3 years and now holds PADI AOW certification. We will be going on vacation next year back to the Caribbean resort where she first certified. Her younger brother will be 10 by then and technically old enough to certify. But, as his dad I'm not so sure I want him doing scuba at that age. I know he would say that he understands the dangers but as his parent I don't know that he really understands the dangers. I will probably let him do the bubble maker and let him try out scuba gear in a confined setting like the pool. As for actually doing scuba classes for certification, I will almost for sure hold him back until at least 13. I have the luxury of telling him that's the age his sister certified and he can't until he is at least that age.

As for your brother, as he too gets older and if he goes with you on vacation you never know. He may see how much fun you are having and may decide he would like another try. I have a twist on the old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." You might think you can get the horse to drink but if you hold it's head under water long enough you will only succeed in drowning your horse. But, give it something salty to eat and it will eventually drink.

Good luck.

 

[Keith.M]

One of the things that I have learned is that you can't push someone toward certification, they have to come to it on their own.

When I first signed up for my certification classes, I asked my 14 year old son to join me. I tried talking him into it. He would have one reason to not and I would have a counter to it. He finally let me know in no uncertain terms, that he had NO interest in doing it. OK, fine.

So from there I received my certification and just started diving. Meeting buddies through here or through the LDS. Going on trips or one day turn arounds, getting as much diving in as possible.

I never brought up getting him certified again. He just saw me going diving, accumulating more gear (it is an addiction) and after my first year of diving, advancing my diving with higher levels of training.

During that second year, he casually mentioned that he was starting to consider it. "Oh that is nice" I said. Never another word. Then in December last year, he proudly told me that he had decided he wanted to dive with me. He was now 16 and I enrolled him in the first class that lined up with our schedules. He was certified the weekend of 3/1-2/14. Since then we have 7 more dives together and he really seems to like it. Only issue now is getting him in the right exposure protection. That 7mm wetsuit that I dive comfortably in, is not quite enough for his 5' 10" 139lb frame!

So my advice is to just dive. Maybe share with him how much fun you are having, but never trying to convince him that he could be having that fun too. If he decides on his own that he wants to pursue it, then you can support him in that 100%

 

[GrandpaScuba]

The question I would ask is: Does he really want to learn to dive? Or, is he doing it to please someone else? Whenever I teach "families" especially children I look at motivation. Are they doing it because they really want to do it. Or because "Dad" or an older sibling thinks they should.

I have found that often students that aren't doing well, either didn't really want to be there, or after getting partway into it, find it's not a sport for them.

 

[DiveShopBarbie]

Agree with many of the above responses...

If getting him in an actual class room is REALLY not an option (because if at ALL possible, I think that is 100% the best way to get him engaged), then I would set a limit (have his new dive buddy do it) of what he needs to pass and dive with her. I also think that someone should sit down and talk with him about it - say, these are the things you learned online. Let's discuss what you'd do in these situations and why x,y,z happens. There is a "what would you do" post on this forum that is pretty helpful - I'd put that list in front of him and have him talk it out with his potential new dive buddy. If he can't talk through them all, encourage him to take the class so he can handle those situations.

I do think it will get better when he's doing the check outs, but as another poster said, better to be super prepared for those so that he can take control of his own safety.

Finally - I would recommend the fiance doesn't dive with him until 200% comfortable. No one will have a good time otherwise... and they'll be putting each other at risk.

 

[GrandpaScuba]

I was going to include this link in my previous post, but I couldn't remember the source. I finally remembered that this article was from good 'ole Doc Vikingo. This article is a good discussion on evaluating whether kids should dive. The article is a little out of date now, so information on the training agencies may be incorrect. But the medicine and science are still valid. And that's the part of the article I wanted to emphasize.

Doc Vikingo's Children & Diving