familyman

[Hank49]

Me and my son Willy, born June 19. I have to admit, this little guy's face and smile pass through my head pretty often when I'm out spearing or on the boat. Am I more careful? Maybe....

 

[Oyster Diver]

Congratulations on the addition. I agree, I'm always thinking about my family as I gear up before a dive. I think that make me much more cautious.

 

[LeadTurn_SD]

Some excellent points about living life in the face of risk, real or imagined, have already been made in this thread.

I think each of us needs to decide the level of risk they are willing to take to do the things in life that bring them joy. Then do your very best to manage those risks.

My feeling is that once you have decided to accept the risks involved with breathing compressed air under water, the slight additional risk of diving solo seems pretty manageable.

I also feel that all the factors that go into making a safe diver (situational awareness, good judgement, knowing personal limitations, good water skills, firm grasp of basic scuba skills, etc.,) apply equally to "buddy dives" and solo dives. I will not do a dive as a "buddy dive" that I would not be fully comfortable with solo, and vice versa. Either I am up to the dive, or I'm not (and these days, most of my dives are pretty darned easy).

Best wishes.

 

[Stoo]

I had an interesting conversation about diving alone with a couple of non-diving friends over dinner the other night, when out of nowhere, my Significant Other blurted out that she is "terrified" about what she would do if I didn't surface when I should. (She typically tends boat while I dive.)

This came as a surprise to me as we have talked about it in the past. Previously, she always said that she was fine with it. (I suggested that she wait a while, then go home. If she spots me floating nearby, toss a line around my foot and tow me in to the boat ramp..)

So I asked her why her opinion had changed and she couldn't explain it, other than perhaps our relationship was perhaps stronger than it was in the past. (We only married 2 years ago, although we have been together for many years). Our marriage is great, and I think we both would be lost without the other...

So for the first time ever, I am considering giving up diving. The reality is that I don't want the hassle of diving with other people, so I would rather just stop diving and take up something else.

She "insists" that she didn't say this with the intent of making me stop soloing and says she has always worried, but never really said it out loud before... She says she would feel terrible if I stopped diving because of her...

What's a guy to do...

 

[diver_doug]

I had an interesting conversation about diving alone with a couple of non-diving friends over dinner the other night, when out of nowhere, my Significant Other blurted out that she is "terrified" about what she would do if I didn't surface when I should. (She typically tends boat while I dive.)

This came as a surprise to me as we have talked about it in the past. Previously, she always said that she was fine with it. (I suggested that she wait a while, then go home. If she spots me floating nearby, toss a line around my foot and tow me in to the boat ramp..)

So I asked her why her opinion had changed and she couldn't explain it, other than perhaps our relationship was perhaps stronger than it was in the past. (We only married 2 years ago, although we have been together for many years). Our marriage is great, and I think we both would be lost without the other...

So for the first time ever, I am considering giving up diving. The reality is that I don't want the hassle of diving with other people, so I would rather just stop diving and take up something else.

She "insists" that she didn't say this with the intent of making me stop soloing and says she has always worried, but never really said it out loud before... She says she would feel terrible if I stopped diving because of her...

What's a guy to do...

Here's the perfect compromise: Keep solo diving...but promise her that if you die, you'll quit.


But seriously...it seems odd that this would get brought up out of seemingly nowhere. I mean, from the looks of your profile you've been diving for many years and have amassed thousands of dives and, presumably, you haven't died even once. So it seems to me that the fear on her part is at least somewhat unfounded. I can't help but wonder if this change in attitude was brought about by an article she read, discussion with friends etc. Or if possibly she is blowing the "danger" aspect of diving out of proportion because deep down she just doesn't want you to do it anymore. Or (I don't know her age) but maybe she's going through menopause. That may sound like a joke-but my mom and a couple of her friends went semi-insane when they went through menopause (they will readily admit to this). And blowing stuff out of proportion was defintely one of the commonly-shared characteristics. Or maybe deep down YOU want to stop diving and you're using this as your out. But alas I know neither you nor your wife, so maybe she genuinely has been afraid all these years and finally mustered up the courage to tell you.

Before you decide to give up diving (unless you want to give it up) I would have a thorough talk with her. Find out why she never brought it up before and why it seems to be of greater concern now. Maybe you can mitigate her concern by reminding her of your high level of experience, showing her your back-up gear, finding articles online that discuss the benefits of solo diving, etc. Let her know that your love for her keeps you from doing anything overly-risky (a little manipulative, but it' probably true). Obviously you should do whatever feels right, but if you love diving I would think very hard about giving it up-especially when there doesn't seem to be any substantive reason to do so.

 

[Doc Harry]

Personally I really don't see any relationship between solo diving and family. If you're that worried about "family responsibilites," get a $500,000 life insurance policy and go have fun solo diving.

The risk of you dying in a car wreck driving to work every day is significantly higher than the risks associated with solo diving. If you were really concerned about your "family responsibilites," you'd stop driving your car.

 

[Stoo]

Personally I really don't see any relationship between solo diving and family. If you're that worried about "family responsibilites," get a $500,000 life insurance policy and go have fun solo diving.

The risk of you dying in a car wreck driving to work every day is significantly higher than the risks associated with solo diving. If you were really concerned about your "family responsibilites," you'd stop driving your car.

I think this is what you call "Preaching to the choir..." We all know this... it's the rest of the fam damily that has the problem with it.

Since that dinner time discussion, we talked again, and I believe I was successful in convincing her that the way I dive alone is no more dangerous than diving with someone... arguably safer in fact. She brought up one dive last summer where I dove a virgin wreck in Lake Ontario, that was in 175', 11 miles offshore, and in 5' waves... at dusk. At the request of the person who found the wreck, and shared the coordinates, we didn't anchor. I dropped a light shot line, rolled out and dove, while she puttered in circles for an hour with a girlfriend. Apparently the entire conversation was about "what if" I didn't come up/they couldn't find me etc... Hell, the friend is even a paramedic... what could be safer?

On the upside, during our little chat, she flatly refused to even consider "allowing" me to stop diving... Apparently I become a miserable SOB when my gills dry out.

Someone needs to invent a cheap communication system... Maybe a could take a bag of ping pong balls down and release one every so often to tell her I'm alive. I don't suppose ping pong balls would do too well at 180'.

 

[Doc Harry]

I think this is what you call "Preaching to the choir..." We all know this... it's the rest of the fam damily that has the problem with it...

Ah-h-h-h-h-h-h--h, yes..................... My light bulb is now on.....

Someone needs to invent a cheap communication system... Maybe a could take a bag of ping pong balls down and release one every so often to tell her I'm alive. I don't suppose ping pong balls would do too well at 180'.

Is $1,172.95 cheap enough for you?

Ocean Reef Alpha Under Water Cell Phone

 

[Stoo]

Is $1,172.95 cheap enough for you?

Nooooooo.... The last refuge for peace and quiet bites the dust.

The day I hear a phone ringing underwater, I'm finding a nice wall and heading down, down, down....

 

[deepwater]

I understand the relationship between solo diving and family....so I guess I'm a crappy father because I taught both of my kids to solo dive, ride Harleys and jump out of perfectly good air planes.