Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[offthewall1]

Another humorous event:

This actually happened.

A current shop owner (who was a newbie at the time of this event) had just received his Nitrox certification was starting out on his first Nitrox dive in Hydes Quarry. I was at the top of the hill watching as he struggled on the surface trying to get himself underwater.

I yelled down to him "what are you doing?"

He turned around and replied "I can't get down... I think there's something wrong with this Nitrox or something!"

as myself and a few others held back our laughter... I yelled down to him... "Let the air out of your BCD you idiot." as I noticed his BCD was fully inflated!

Lesson for life: Be careful who you dive with : )

 

[Skookumchuck]

From a non diver friend, "Whats it like walking around down there?"

 

[tridacna]

Diving in Florida. They buddy me up on my second dive with a guy who has every possible gadget and most expensive gear. I tell him that I'm diving EAN36. "Don't worry, I understand" he says. Then drops down to 100+ on entry. It was an enjoyable solo dive.

 

[TwoBitTxn]

Every weekend I try to find a quote of the weekend. Most of the time I can't remember them since I don't write them down. Maybe I should.

Diving with a group of friends. We were on a surface interval under a shelter and it began to rain. A woman turns to her husband and asks, "should I go get the gear out of the rain?"

Last weekend I was gearing up students and fitting them with hooded vests. My only adult student is also female. She states "I have a big head so just give me a man with a big head." My AI lost it.

 

[metaldector]

A new diver was showing off his outfit. New wetsuit, mask, reg, and fins. "The only problem is the fins. They sent me two left fins. But it doesn't seem to be a problem." I asked how he knew the fins were two left fins? He turn them over and showed me the "L" molded into the bottom. "Have you ever thought that might stand for Large?", I asked him. The look was priceless.:no

 

[metaldector]

While in Tahiti, I was shore diving. As I was about to enter the water a lady came up to me with three small bottles w/caps. She was going to go home that day and wanted to show her friends the beautiful water. "They'll never believe its so pretty and blue!" "Could you," she ask, "get me a small sample of the bright blue water here near the shore, then the darker water out there, and then some of that really dark blue water way out there!" As she held up the three bottles, I nearly dropped to me knees with laughter.:11doh:

 

[BKP]

I noticed a diver (stranger to me) about to stride in on a relatively deep profile had a standard inflator and no octo, so I grabbed his arm, and questioned him about it.

His response: "...it's ok, my buddy has an octo..."

 

[TSandM]

One of my current favorite funnies came from Mike Edmonston: "Never assume an unexploded goat is evidence of a good decompression profile."

 

[Buoyant1]

One of my current favorite funnies came from Mike Edmonston: "Never assume an unexploded goat is evidence of a good decompression profile."

That needs to be a T-shirt!

 

[captndale]

I used to own a dive shop. One Monday, a diver returned his rental equipment from the weekends dives. He complained that he had been given two left hand gloves. I apologized and gave him a credit on his next rental. After he left, I started unpacking his gear bag and came across the gloves. When I found one glove turned inside out I first thought, "Well, that was good thinking - turn a left hand glove inside out and and you can wear it on your right hand. Good thinking." Of course, I had given him a bit too much credit. The glove was the right glove of the pair that had been turned inside out.