How to Tell Your Dive Buddy is a Newbie!

[syruss32]

Okay so it is Saturday, the weather is nice, the sun is up, you are on a dive boat in Belize or the Caribbean... There are 9 other divers on your boat none of which you know. You get partnered with diver #7.

Now you want to know is he/she experienced with out asking. What are the top 10 signs your dive buddy is a newbie?

1) You see him putting on his fins and you say jokingly that he is putting them on the wrong foot and he says "thanks" and commences to changing the fins to the other foot.

2) When he straps the BCD to the tank you realize the BCD is upside down but say nothing till you go to help put it on

3) When he turns on the air, his tank is setting close to yours and he checks your pressure guage and all is well

4) When you hit the water side by side you realize he has already grabbed your Octo in case of an emergency.

5) When he gets all the gear hooked up he realizes that the tank is the one he just took off an it is empty, so he signals to you out of air.

6) You are in the water and he starts to decend...should you tell him the snorkel is only good for 10 inches in depth?

7) He jumps in and almost drowns because he has too much weight on and both 2nd stages are neatly tucked under the weight belt.

8) You prepare to check him out and visa versa and he looks at you and says "okay lets go"

9) You dive in and descend, when he hits the bottom he takes off his fins and commences walking on the bottom, when asked why he says it is too much effort to swim off the bottom.

10) The 8 other divers are all moving to the front of the boat when buddies are assigned by the captain, leaving only you and flipper.

11) The DM asks if your Dan membership is paid up before assigning your dive buddy to you.

 

[Ontario Diver]

And of course;

- when you ask- how many dives have you done, he says "including this one?"

- When you ask where he did his pool training he says "Lenny's Billiards"

- when you ask what level he is at, he prould claims that he is a seventh level hobbit warrior

- when he prepares to enter via giant stride he exclaims "cool, water!"

- He wants to know if he will hear the music before the shark attacks

- He keeps asking the old guy if his name is Jacques

- on a 8:00 am dive, he wants to know if he'll be back on the boat in time for lunch

- he wants to know if you are really going to need "all of that gear"

- he wants to know what course to take so he can upgrade his "c"-card to a "b"-card


and of course: he introduces himself as Ontario Diver, Syruss, NetDoc, Iguana Don, Texas Mike, or Butch - the role models for a new generation of divers

 

[syruss32]

Originally posted by Ontario Diver
and of course: he introduces himself as Ontario Diver, Syruss, NetDoc, Iguana Don, Texas Mike, or Butch - the role models for a new generation of divers

Like oh my god, gag me with a credit card, cause that is like scary!

 

[striking viking]

.....when she is getting fitted for new gear and asks if the fins come in a pump.

.....when you go over hand signals, and your d/b says, "I'll just yell to ya if I have to say something."

.....when they ask, "How many dives will I have to do before I become a competent diver?

.....when they put their wetsuit and weight belt on before setting up anything else.

.....when they ask, "What skills are we doing on this dive?"

.....when they ask to be buddied up with someone with experience because they have none.

 

[WetDane]

1) When the buddy looks at your 7' hose and wonders what that is for...

2) Buddy looks at the canister for your light and asks if that is a rebreather...

3) Proudly shows you his c-whatever light and calls the light head on your hand a weenie...

4) looks at your jet fins and wonder why you don't get some new fins...

5) He thinks George is unreasonable...

6) Applies makeup before getting on the dive boat...

7) Has all equipment hanging and dangling from his rig.

8) Wonders why on earth you would want to turn your gas off underwater...

9) buddy hits the water and keeps trying to clear his mask - after dive complains that is fogs up all the time - when you ask him about toothpaste you get an angry look - as if this is not the time...

10) Dm on the boat tells him - you are diving with that guy - it'll be safer...

11) when mounting the reg to the tank, he cranks it down REALLY hard so it won't fall off...

- Ok, so I have a leaning towards a certain following - get used to it...


Big T

 

[Heads Up]

1. He has managed to disassemble his 2nd stage 'just to see how it works'

2. He feels ill and chucks up into the wind.

3. When kitted up, he realises his weights are still on the deck and falls overboard trying to reach them

4. He strides overboard with his BCD hose still waggling around his ears

5. He descends so fast you have to dig him out of the seabed with your fin

6. He ascends so fast he makes it back on board without removing his weights

7. He spends his safety stop upside down, holding the shot line for dear life (gotta love PADI dry suit training)

 

[The Chairman]

S/He asks if the whistle will really work underwater...

Puts the tank valve opening away from the head on the BC...

They assemble the first stage onto the tank several times before they get that durn regulator hose over the right shoulder.

They assemble the first stage to the tank BEFORE they undo that bungee cord to the boat.

They get sea sick from all of their ups and downs while they are submerged... put some air in the BC, take some air out...(repeat as needed)

They think the boat ride is way cool!

Fifteen minutes after surfacing they want to know why everyone is just sitting around...

Last in, first out...

They actually think my Diver's song parodies are funny...

They truly believe that every instructor makes as much money as Capt. Dave says…

One question... "What’s a Warhammer Maneuver???"

They look at my Twin Jets with spring straps and say “What a stroke!”

:tease:

 

[WetDane]

Heee haw -
the wetsuit and weightbelt rang home last night - whilst discussing no computer diving in the 100 fsw range using nitrox with some buddies we observed an instructor and two students - precisely as described above... Scary...

Big T

 

[Butch103]

They look like Syruss and I hehehe

Butch eace:

 

[syruss32]

Originally posted by Butch103
They look like Syruss and I hehehe

Butch eace:

Poor Saps