whitelief, I completely hear where you're coming from.
In the beginning of September I started my OW course. There were two pool sessions during which I couldn't actually make it to the bottom of the pool on account of a bad head cold. (Sinus squeeze sucks - never dive with a cold :sorry: )
Despite that, I might have been able to join the class for the Open Water Weekend if I hadn't blown the last pool session. Just knowing it was the last pool session, and was a review of all skills covered up to that point, I think my stress level was through the roof. I did worse than 'poorly'. When the instructor gently suggested I was "not ready" for Open Water yet, - he said my whole body language was saying 'Not Comfortable In The Water' - I was at first devastated :croctears: . But in thinking it over, by the next day I had decided I wasn't going to let it get me down.
I enlisted the help of a friend in improving my haphazard swimming skills (to improve my comfort level in the water overall) and started attending the pool sessions of the next OW class, at the instructor's invitattion.
It has been only 3 pool sessions since my missed OW checkout weekend and already the instructor is very impressed. He says he sees all the confidence and comfort in the water that he had hoped I'd start to exhibit!
I think for me, what did it was taking the pressure off - no more of that "oh boy, I'd better master this skill quickly, we're running out of class time and we have so much still to cover, I don't want to hold the class back" - and just the familiarity with the equipment that can only come with time using it. It's more a case of "I'm here because I want to be, and it's on my own terms".
FYI I've been snorkelling and freediving for a while, which masks my non-conventional swimming skills and the fact that I have slightly negative personal buoyancy when i'm not wearing fins, neoprene or some other buoyancy aid. The first night of OW class, we did a 'swim test' and I think my dismal results of that probably colored my confidence levels throughout the entire course. Talk about a self-fulfilling prophecy!