Solved: LGBTQIA people. Is there a need for a sub-forum?

[El Hefe 612]

Okay… First, I know I'm new here. Second, I'm genuinely curious. And third, I read the entire 18-page thread of the "LGBTQ Divers?" question. As a openly gay, married man I would love to have a place to connect with other gay men, women, and like-minded individuals to discuss dive travel opportunities, to find dive buddies without having to worry about whether or not they might have a problem with me, and to feel comfortable talking about things that might impact us.


If possible, I'd like to have a board created under Non-Geographic Clubs called:


LGBTQIA Divers and Their Friends


I have spent the past week-and-a-half searching the internet (and this board) for such clubs, and I was surprised how lacking they were. It's been six years since the original question was posted in the thread referenced above. I know if I'm interested, that there are probably many others who would be too, but they may just be afraid to ask. Many of the responses in the thread above were not very understanding of what it is like living as an LGBTQIA individual in a predominantly heteronormative global society. Having such a space is not about excluding anyone, it's about having space where we don't have to worry about being who we are and can focus on what we love - diving (among many other things).


Thanks!

 

[El Hefe 612]

Because if you're gay (or L,B,T, Q, I or A, I guess), you'll never know if someone gives you the stinkeye just for showing the same type of affection towards their partner as I can show towards my wife without anyone batting an eyelid. Some people don't give a crap about reactions like that, others care. I'm pretty certain I would find it uncomfortable. If you're of the latter category, you might want to spend some of your free time in an environment where you can be fairly certain to avoid that stinkeye. And I'm not talking about tonsil-licking making out of the "get a room, you guys!" category, I'm talking about holding your partner's hand, giving them a hug or a chaste peck on the chin, or just mentioning them in a casual conversation about what you did last weekend.

I find it rather telling that even in a work environment as progressive as mine, several of my gay colleagues seem a lot more reluctant to talk about their SO than I am to talk about my wife. I wouldn't be surprised if that's a learned behavior caused by the aforementioned reaction.

YES! That ↑

I can't tell you how often I'm in conversation with someone (or a group, class, salesperson, etc.), and they ask if I'm married. Now what do I do... Do I know this person/group; can I trust this person/group; how will this person/group react; do I answer this person/group; should I leave gender out of my response and let them assume sex of my SO; how safe am I giving an answer with this/person/group? All of these run through your head in a matter of seconds, and whatever I decide to say will have an impact on what happens next.

Case in point, I went to my local dive shop to sign up for the OW class. The sales person was telling me about Scuba Palooza 2017 and the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of divers while doing my OW dives. He asks, "Does your spouse like camping?" I've never met this person before. Do I say, "No." or "No they don't." or "No he doesn't." or "No, my husband is not a camper; he prefers 'camping' in a hotel room." Because I wanted to get a sense of how I would be accepted by this dive operation, I went with the later. The salesperson's reaction was that of "unfazed," and it was fine. But I really didn't know, and I took a risk.

The same happens every school year when I meet my new students. Inevitably, I'm asked if I'm married. Often, I'll answer, "Yes." But then comes the question, "So, what does your wife do?" After 20+ years of teaching, I now answer, "My husband (or he) is in marketing." And for my ESL students, I have to translate husband and explain that I'm not using the wrong-gender form of the word - Mi esposo... Si, el es hombre... and so on.

 

[Kharon]

So we can add an S(traight) to the acronym and just be People of ScubaBoard. OK.

Yeah and then spell it HUMANBEINGS

 

[Kharon]

I can't tell you how often I'm in conversation with someone (or a group, class, salesperson, etc.), and they ask if I'm married. Now what do I do...

Personally, I would either simply say "that's personal" or if I felt it was a less than innocent inquiry "why? are you proposing?". When it comes right down to it it's none of their effing business. People stick their noses way too far into others business long before they earn that right through real friendship.

 

[diver0008]

YES! That ↑

I can't tell you how often I'm in conversation with someone (or a group, class, salesperson, etc.), and they ask if I'm married. Now what do I do... Do I know this person/group; can I trust this person/group; how will this person/group react; do I answer this person/group; should I leave gender out of my response and let them assume sex of my SO; how safe am I giving an answer with this/person/group? All of these run through your head in a matter of seconds, and whatever I decide to say will have an impact on what happens next.

Case in point, I went to my local dive shop to sign up for the OW class. The sales person was telling me about Scuba Palooza 2017 and the opportunity to hang out with a bunch of divers while doing my OW dives. He asks, "Does your spouse like camping?" I've never met this person before. Do I say, "No." or "No they don't." or "No he doesn't." or "No, my husband is not a camper; he prefers 'camping' in a hotel room." Because I wanted to get a sense of how I would be accepted by this dive operation, I went with the later. The salesperson's reaction was that of "unfazed," and it was fine. But I really didn't know, and I took a risk.

The same happens every school year when I meet my new students. Inevitably, I'm asked if I'm married. Often, I'll answer, "Yes." But then comes the question, "So, what does your wife do?" After 20+ years of teaching, I now answer, "My husband (or he) is in marketing." And for my ESL students, I have to translate husband and explain that I'm not using the wrong-gender form of the word - Mi esposo... Si, el es hombre... and so on.

You seem to get asked often if you are married.

 

[divad]

YES! That ↑

I can't tell you how often I'm in conversation with someone, and they ask if I'm married. Now what do I do... .

Depends on what she looks like...

 

[El Hefe 612]

Personally, I would either simply say "that's personal" or if I felt it was a less than innocent inquiry "why? are you proposing?". When it comes right down to it it's none of their effing business. People stick their noses way too far into others business long before they earn that right through real friendship.

Yes, but can't you see how much more comfortable it would be for us hopping on a boat (list, group, outing, event...) knowing immediately that I don't have to run through my list of questions when formulating a response and I don't have to "educate" like I constantly have to do in everyday society? Usually, I'll tell people I'm gay, have a husband, like the "D," etc. and let them deal with their own homophobic issues, but sometimes it's nice not having to do that. Whether we want to or not, there is usually some level of "guardedness" that happens when we enter an unfamiliar setting (like SB) or engage in conversation with non-LGBTQIA folks. It's nice being able to let our hair down and just be us without the guardedness.

(Why is my horse just lying here? Giddy-up! Oh crap!! He's dead. )

 

[El Hefe 612]

You seem to get asked often if you are married.

I'm a teacher. I have hundreds of students. Happens at least once or twice a day. Hazards of the job (I should get hazard pay).

 

[diver0008]

It's nice being able to let our hair down and just be us without the guardedness.

Yeah, well try being a Conservative, or a Jew.

You are not the only ones who need to be careful how out they are in public.

 

[diver0008]

Its not like they are excluding anyone.

But isn't it?

I do not see any letters in their ever aggrandizing acronym that include me, for example.

 

[El Hefe 612]

Yeah, well try being a Conservative, or a Jew.

You are not the only ones who need to be careful how out they are in public.

...hence part of the reason other groups have been created:

• Women's Perspectives
• Divers with Disabilities
• Dork Divers
• Grumpy Old Divers
• Scuba Singles
• Worldwide Christian Scuba Diving Organization
  
• The Pub

It's comfortable being social with others like you. If you'd like a space like that, you certainly can suggest one. I don't have a problem with other groups' existence. I sometimes do things related to my disabilities, sometimes I do things related to my crafting abilities (knitting, sewing, beading, cooking, etc.), sometimes I hang out with my video gaming friends, and sometimes I do things with other dorks and nerds. It's just fun, you can relate on another level (besides just diving), and has nothing do to with exclusion.