Long Distance Relationship Advice Please!

[DebbyDiver]

There you go making sense, SAS. We will have four two-week plus time periods together before my big move. Truly, more time together than most people spend hours-wise when dating local peeps then moving in.

For me, I have nothing to lose by moving down there and giving this a go. At other times in my life, it would have been impossible. The timing is right. I was outtahere anyway. LUCKY ME that this man dropped into my life out of the heavens.

I made a similar risky decision about 30 years ago...boy oh boy did friends and family give me grief...yet I have never regretted it. Lucky me to have two chances in my lifetime to turn things upside down for the better.

Thanks for the well wishes...I truly believe I am making the right decision...a calculated risk. And, if it doesn't work out...I will not be sorry for trying.

 

[SoccerJeni]

So my situation was a little different because it was during a deployment...but still thought I would throw it out there...

If you have experience with long distance relationships, your input on the following questions would be greatly appreciated

How did you meet? Online dating site
Did the relationship start out as long distance or local? Started out local and I didn't know he would be leaving until a couple months into the relationship
What was the distance apart? I was in Missouri, he was in the Army serving in Iraq
How often did you see each other? He was deployed for 18 months, and I did not see him at all during that time
What were the modes of communication? ie voice, text, im, webcam Only a few phone calls, mainly emails
How often did you communicate? It depended on what was going on with him, but most of the time it was daily, occassionally he would get upset and not speak to me for many weeks
What were 3 challenges of a LDR and how did you cope with them? I know this situation was quite a bit different since he was at war, but the biggest challenge was the miscommunication in emails. War also really changed how we communicated with each other. He would seem to shut down whereas before we were able to discuss things and get them resolved. I think it's easier to resolve conflict in person, so being LDR & him at war just made it so much worse. I also think it was hard for me thinking about the fact that I was committed to someone I wasn't going to see for over a year.
What were 3 things that you did which contributed to the LDR's success? I was always there for him, never cheated, never left him even when he would quit talking to me for long periods of time. I kind of feel like I should win girlfriend of the year of 2008/2009 for everything I went through to support him. :chuckle:
How long did the LDR last? We were together 2 years, 18 months LDR
If applicable, how long was it before one of you relocated?
How did it turn out? When he came home he had a very hard time adjusting and was having some PTSD, he withdrew from me and the relationship was over
Would you do it again and why/not? Um...I never want to go through what I did during that deployment again. It was one of the hardest and worst experiences of my life. I wouldn't discount a LDR now, but I don't think I want to do an LDR during a deployment again if I'm only a girlfriend.
Is there anything you would have done differently, if so, what? I'm not really sure. I'm sure there were a few things I could change about how I handled things.

If there is anything else I should have asked?

Thanks!

 

[drydiver]

wow, great pearls of wisdom from both sides of the fence in these posts :worship:

been a long day for me, will share some more thoughts/questions tomorrow night

 

[Sas]

Truly, more time together than most people spend hours-wise when dating local peeps then moving in.

Really? Pretty much from the day I hooked up with my partner we were at each other's place about four-five days a week. Never have done the traditional dating thing with any of the people I have had relationships with... And all but my current partner had been long term friends. Most of my friends are with people who had been long term friends beforehand so my experience is quite different to yours and most people spend a LOT of time together, more so than hours on the telephone.

Basically I don't take issue with people meeting people online and moving in with them or whatever, whatever floats your boat (my boyfriend's sister met a guy online and moved from Australia to USA to marry him, seven years and two kids later they're pretty happy with things so I know it can work ), just the notion that you can somehow know someone well doing things mostly LDR compared to people who meet locally and start a relationship. I don't agree with that at all.

Thanks for the well wishes...I truly believe I am making the right decision...a calculated risk. And, if it doesn't work out...I will not be sorry for trying.

Cool, good luck

 

[DebbyDiver]

I think we are misunderstanding each other a bit..it's all good...let's just wish each other best of luck and agree to disagree! No two situations are the same. I'm happy and so are you, and that rocks!

 

[k ellis]

There you go making sense, SAS. We will have four two-week plus time periods together before my big move. Truly, more time together than most people spend hours-wise when dating local peeps then moving in.

For me, I have nothing to lose by moving down there and giving this a go. At other times in my life, it would have been impossible. The timing is right. I was outtahere anyway. LUCKY ME that this man dropped into my life out of the heavens.

I made a similar risky decision about 30 years ago...boy oh boy did friends and family give me grief...yet I have never regretted it. Lucky me to have two chances in my lifetime to turn things upside down for the better.

Thanks for the well wishes...I truly believe I am making the right decision...a calculated risk. And, if it doesn't work out...I will not be sorry for trying.

Good to hear of such determination to be happy. As I have lived through this situation myself I hope to hear about this as it unfolds. Good luck and best wishes of happiness

 

[mselenaous]

I still learn stuff about him too years later and I think we learned the most about each other when going through rough times, which you just won't get in a year or a few months.

+1 on continuing to learn about each other and especially going through rough times. It's not calender time, its shared experiences. Some people can go through alot more in a few months than others will in years.

Why is this? I am confused. Other people's approval of my relationship is not important....

Sas, it's difficult to explain to you the "friend approval" thing but in the past, friends have disliked people who ended up not working out in the end.

I agree with Debby. It's not other people's approval so much as a sanity/reality check when you are still too giddy to keep both feet on the ground. Sometimes folks come down off the infatuation cloud to realize they made a mistake but now have way too much vested, hence more painful to end. Just my 2psi.

 

[Wormil]

D: I'm not bidable D:

 

[ScubaTigress]

I'll bid on a Wormil for $10.25

I WIN!

 

[SoccerJeni]

I bid 11 Hamburgers...does that count?