Wow! Thanks guys! I really appreciate the help as I don’t have any friends who dive.
A few points- the second person I was paired with seemed very legit and stated he had done thousand of dives and had been a dive master. Likely, he was very independent and knew the crew so he wasn’t fussed. He did stick close to me and was always helping and helped an even newer newbie under water whose tank was out of the lower strap. Like I said, it was a muddled switch out there and I was sort of with him and the dive instructor. Going forward, when I get a more clear and less muddled dive buddy assignment, I can take charge a bit and say WAIT- let me look real quick. Let’s do our checks. If nothing else, let me see their air is working well as that’s for my benefit. If they want to get snotty, then tough cookies. We aren’t going until we do it.
Regarding checking the regulator etc, we were taught to test both parts ourselves due to covid as I certified in August. Is that what you guys are doing rather than the buddy do it? I’m not going to ask to do it as to make them uncomfortable so better I do it and then they test theirs like in class? When I DID test my back up the instructor told me that’s my buddy’s problem not mine. Lol. I was simply showing him it worked as per class!
I am also going to get there extra early next time so I CAN set up my own gear. “No thanks mate. We’ve got time. I need the practice” if anyone pushes in.
I do agree that the more you can depend on yourself the better, however. I’ve also been independent and that’s a survivor quality.
You are responsible for your safety so if you want a buddy check, ask for it. If they aren't willing or you don't feel safe - call the dive. Seriously if at any time you feel pressured to do something you don't like, aren't comfortable with or in a manner that disturbs you, feel free to call the dive. As is said a lot on these forums diving should be fun and if it isn't stop doing it. At worst a buddy check will take 1-2 minutes so what is the big hurry??? The ocean/sea/lake isn't going anywhere in the near future! Another often quoted adage on here is that it is better to be on land/boat wishing you were in the water than in the water wishing you were on land /boat - in other words don't get yourself in to a situation where your safety is at risk.
It is interesting to hear an instructor describe your octo as the buddies problem. Should your primary fail for any reason you can switch to your octo while problem solving it (mine started breathing wet near the start of a dive but still delivered plenty of air so buddy and I surfaced, discussed it, detuned it so no freeflow and continued the dive safely)
I have to say that I started out doing full buddy checks with my buddies (and still will with a new buddy) but after a few dives, you get to know them, their kit and how well they set themselves up so you end up stripping it down to the minimum as per BoulderJohn below (with each of us casting a critical eye over our own gear and theirs).
I agree with those above who said that safety checks are very often ignored, and I agree that is not good. On the other hand, it may be happening more often than you think.
On a recreational dive with buddies I know well, you may think no safety check was done, but it was. We just do it inconspicuously, scanning each other as we finish gearing up and waiting for the beginning of the water entry. We always breathe off of each regulator and check inflators on our own as a part of the gearing up process.
Technical dives are a bit more complicated, and that will be more conspicuous.