Non-diving spouses

[jjhill]

thanks for the great reply. that's what i'm thinking, seperate vacations... but doesn't that suck? i know i'd really like for her to be down south with me but she can't deal... you guys handle it OK i'm assuming?

We do separate vacations on occasion. Such as mine coming up to Cozumel. More often then not we vacation together such as last year we went out to California together. When we vacation together I still try to get in a dive or two while she goes to the spa or something. When we vacation together however diving is not my priority. Nice if it happens but is not the main reason for the trip.

 

[katdiver]

Sounds a tough one, she ticks most of the boxes, but not quite all.....
Life's too short for compromises so follow your heart and go your way. There's someone out there for you.
My wife is a non diver too, but she loves to snorkel. Our compromise? We built a dive business!

 

[Theunis]

It can be a tough issue. My wife got certified 14 years ago, did 10 dives with me, severely panicked during her last dive and decided never to dive again. I did respect her decision not to dive again, but she respects my choice to dive.

At this point it's all about compromising. When we go on holiday down to the coast I do my one dive a day, normally early in the morning which takes about two to three hours. During this time she and our daughter go shopping, eat breakfast, etc. The rest of the day I'm a family man again spending time and enjoying the holiday together.

I hope you can solve this problem.

 

[Doc]

Diving is a life sport, that is- you are likely to be physically capable of doing it long into your active life.

Why not have someone to share it with?

btw- taking a girlfriend to Prague is like bringing snow to Vail.

 

[Rick Inman]

Someone on this board formulized it quite well:

1 diving spouse + 1 non-diving spouse = 2 non-diving spice... (or was it spouses)?

Nope. My wife of 28 years has no interest in diving. But she is such an overwhelming priority to me that if she just gave a nod I would sell all my gear just to please her. Fortunately, she feels the same about me and insists that I continue to pursue what I enjoy. She budgets trips to the places I want to go, she sets aside money for me to buy gear, she encourages me to take time to go diving every week.

A few months ago I told my dive friends I could not go on an expensive trip they were planning to NY to dive the St. Lawrence river. My wife overheard me and insisted we work out a way for me to go - which I did.

When we plan vacations I try to find locations that will please both of us. But she says, don't worry, wherever you like to dive I'm sure I will love the beach or boat ride. So I work my tail off to make sure she has fun and the things she cares about (the accommodations, the schedule, the food, etc) are just perfect for her.

If you would not give it all up for her, and she would not work to make sure you have it (whatever it is), in the long run things are sure to not end well, IMO. YMMV

 

[Brian Sharpe]

However, now dating somebody that refuses to go to these locations (we're not talking cold water/scary places..........

Erik

It sounds like the relationship is still at a fairly casual stage, at the risk of sounding like Dear Abby, if neither of you is willing to compromise this early in the game there's not much chance of a long term successful relationship.

I've lived in Europe and personally wouldn't want to travel there (except maybe some of the warm, sunny parts) at that time of year - I would expect Prague would be overcast, rainy and cold. If you wanted that you could save time & just go to Seattle during the winter

BTW, my spouse doesn't dive but she actively encourages my activities (probably just to get me out of the house)

 

[BabyDuck]

this *is* tough. you're sounding willing to do her kinds of vacas, but she's not willing to do yours. then again, you get to dive every week pretty much, so i can see her point for you to give it a rest. (not that i agree with it, just that the non-diving public would think that! )

someplace with something for both of you, like mexico? you dive ocean & cenote, then go see the mayan ruins? or a bahamas marathon or ironman?

a small 'her kind' and large 'your kind' one year, then switch? (like new york & a broadway show, and carribean getaway, then next year st petersburg/leningrad & florida.) i don't know how much money & time we're talking, but you get the drift.

so here's my advice, worth millions of pixels...bring up every kind of compromise you can think of. have her brainstorm compromise with you. if she's not willing to entertain any kind of suggestions except her own, that's a big enough character flaw to look at really *really* hard. if she's pretty level-headed, maybe you won't mind her running y'all's life, and that's ok - many couples have someone with iron underwear - but she *will* be running your life if you stay together, make no mistake.

 

[ligersandtions]

You have to decide if she's really "the one" (or one who you can imagine being with for the long haul). If this is just a casual thing and she's already giving ultimatums like "I will NEVER go to somewhere tropical with you, but I EXPECT you to to Europe with me", it's only going to get worse. But if her ultimatum is more like "I do not want to go somewhere tropical THIS TIME, but would rather go to Europe and would like you to join me" then I think it's fair that you make the compromise and then get to planning your next (tropical) vacation.

If she's not a person you can imagine being with for a long time, it's probably better to cut your losses now. It seems as though you've had more tolerant girlfriends in the past....if it were me, and she really is saying that she never wants to go on tropical vacations with you, I'd find one of those tolerant girls....or maybe find a girlfriend who dives!

FWIW, vacations apart from the SO might be good for some of the time....but if all your vacations are separate from one another, what's the point?

 

[SkipperJohn]

I'm in the same boat. My passion is the ocean. My GF thinks it's only for dreaming. She wont even step into it (something about being afraid of fish). We go to Aruba every year and she swims in the pool. I think the pool is just a giant bidet that doesn't flush (sorry for the image).
So I anxiously await an answer that will work for me as well.

 

[Buoyant1]

No problems! My wife doesn't dive (and currently doesn't plan on it) During local diving season, she catches up on other stuff, and goes out with friends while I'm gone...When on vacation, she goes to the stores that I won't be caught dead in, or just goes and basks in the sun ont he beach!

It's a great combination for us!! I get to do what I want, and she gets to do what she wants, and no one suffers in the process!

I'm thankful though, that she likes going on vacation to sunny, warm and wet locations!