Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[crd_kats]

Ya know you're a redneck when...

- you go to family reunions to meet women.
- you think possum is the "other" white meat.
- you lite a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
- your halloween pumpkin on the front porch has more teeth than your wife.
- your bumper sticker says, "My child whipped your honor student's ass".

 

[phil robson]

THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club.
A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker f
unction and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes"

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2009
models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing...the house I wanted last year is
back on the market. They're asking $950,000"

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will
probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand if it's really a
pretty good price."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in
astonishment, mouths agape.

He turns and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

 

[Cave Diver]

Old Guys Don't Care


As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the

Medical establishment. For example, my internist

Referred me to a female urologist.



I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.

She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.



When I asked her why, she said,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

'Because I'm trying to examine you...'

 

[mike_s]

Old Guys Don't Care


As we age, we tend to end up seeing more of the

Medical establishment. For example, my internist

Referred me to a female urologist.



I saw her yesterday and she is gorgeous.

She's beautiful and unbelievably sexy.

She told me that I have to stop masturbating.



When I asked her why, she said,

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

'Because I'm trying to examine you...'

you owe me a new monitor! Baaaahhhahhhaaaaa!

 

[m3830431]

After five years of toil at a Wall Street law firm, an associate was burning the midnight oil at his office. Suddenly, there was a flash of light, and a tower of smoke burst from the floor. Satan stepped out of the smoke, and addressed the lawyer:

"I understand you'd give absolutely anything to make partner," said the devil, "So I've come here to make you an offer. I'll make you a partner, but in return I will take the souls of your wife, your parents, your children, your grandchildren, and all of your friends."

The lawyer looked strangely puzzled, and thought hard for several minutes. Finally, he turned to Satan and asked, "What's the catch?"

 

[Abidon]

Marriage proposal prank played on a "friend".

YouTube - Prank War 6

I friggin peed my pants!!!!

That's Great the same guys did the awkward rap on the same page also very funny

OH... MY... GOODNESS!!!! That is seriously mean. I just soiled myself laughing but I can't help feeling so sorry for the poor bloke. He's got some patching up to do.

If you thought that the marriage proposal prank was funny, you'll love this one. The guy who got pranked at Yankee Stadium finally gets his revenge.

Prank War 7: The Half Million Dollar Shot - CollegeHumor Video

 

[m3830431]

A lawyer named Impos Syble was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it.

"Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer.

"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put `here lies an honest lawyer'."

"But that won't let people know who it is!" protested the lawyer.

"Sure it will," retorted the stonecutter. "People will read it and exclaim, "That's impossible!"

 

[msbrew]

Cheeky Monkey...
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.

The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk."

The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.

Again, the monkey shook his head up and down. "Well, did you see this?"

"Yes," motioned the monkey.

"What happened?"

The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.

"They were drinking?" asked the officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.

"They were smoking marijuana?"

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."

"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."

The monkey shakes his head "Yes."

"What were you doing during all this?"

"Driving," motioned the monkey.

 

[Salmonboy97]

Three Instructors
Three instructors and their students are on board a dive boat in the middle of the ocean— there’s a NAUI instructor, a PADI instructor, and an SSI instructor. Everything is going fine, until the boat springs a leak, and starts to sink.

The SSI instructor says to his students, “Okay… we’re in the middle of the ocean, so we might as well do our deep dive.”

The NAUI instructor says to his students, “Okay… we might as well do our navigation dive, so let’s get our compasses out and swim towards shore.”

The PADI instructor says to his students, “Okay… for $25 extra you guys get to do a wreck dive!”

 

[Divergirl4U]

Spring Classes for Men
@ the
ADULT LEARNING CENTER

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED

By Thursday, Mar.5th 2009

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIF FICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM


Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and We d nesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
At 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum
Monday at 8:00 PM , 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing
Tuesdays at 7:00 PM , location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM .
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM , location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.