mlkco
Contributor
YouTube - Afgan Burnout
Pretty funny
Pretty funny
Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here
- Thread starter sandshaker
- Start date
Please register or login
Welcome to ScubaBoard, the world's largest scuba diving community. Registration is not required to read the forums, but we encourage you to join. Joining has its benefits and enables you to participate in the discussions.
Benefits of registering include
- Ability to post and comment on topics and discussions.
- A Free photo gallery to share your dive photos with the world.
- You can make this box go away
pidgiepoo
Contributor
A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.
> Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly
> noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the
> woman acted unconcerned.
>
> The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
> sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled,
> apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
>
> The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman,
> "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
>
>
> The woman calmly looked up at her and said,
>
>
> "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
> Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly
> noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the
> woman acted unconcerned.
>
> The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of
> sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled,
> apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.
>
> The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman,
> "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."
>
>
> The woman calmly looked up at her and said,
>
>
> "No, he didn't. He just walked in the door."
Dave: If the a/f mixture screw cap is still there, the carb is virgin inside
Axe: I love breaking in Virgins.
Dave: But the only one that bleeds with a Harley being a virgin, is YOUR WALLET.
Axe: At least I know where she's been.
Axe: I love breaking in Virgins.
Dave: But the only one that bleeds with a Harley being a virgin, is YOUR WALLET.
Axe: At least I know where she's been.
pidgiepoo
Contributor
What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife,
Ann, listened to
the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands
and wives know the
things that are important to each other.."
He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
flower?'
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and
whispered,
'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy..........
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by
circumstances.
While attending a Marriage Weekend, Walter and his wife,
Ann, listened to
the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands
and wives know the
things that are important to each other.."
He then addressed the men,
'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite
flower?'
Walter leaned over, touched Ann's arm gently, and
whispered,
'Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?'
And thus began Walter's life of celibacy..........
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Life Without Farms...
A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:
"FREEZE, MUTHA****A!!"
I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit .
A teacher in a Detroit kindergarten class asked the kids what kind of sound a pig makes.
Little Tyrone stood up and yelled:
"FREEZE, MUTHA****A!!"
I guess there aren't many farms in Detroit .
pidgiepoo
Contributor
An Irishman goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. He is amazed to find a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates.
Then the priest comes in. Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
Then the priest comes in. Excitedly, the Irishman begins..."Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be."
The priest replies, "Get out. You're on my side."
pidgiepoo
Contributor
Morning Sex"
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
he 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
he 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly," You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen, table.
Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
A Blonde's Year in Review
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said ' 2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition........learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm........ car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911. 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
January
Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February
Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....
Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March
Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said ' 2-4 years!'
April
Trapped on escalator for hours ... power went out!!!
May
Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June
Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July
Lost breast stroke swimming competition........learned later, the other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August
Got locked out of my car in rain storm........ car swamped because soft-top was open.
September
The capital of California is 'C'.....isn't it???
October
Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November
Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December
Couldn't call 911. 'duh'.....there's no 'eleven' button on the stupid phone!!!
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2010
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible
Rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
Make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
Teach a person to use the Internet and
They won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you
Still can't help but smile when
You shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
Lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00,
And a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2010
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow...
but don't let that stop you!"
________________________________________
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible
Rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection,
Make him a sandwich .
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day,
Teach a person to use the Internet and
They won't bother you for weeks.
Number 6
Some people are like a Slinky ...
Not really good for anything, but you
Still can't help but smile when
You shove them down the stairs.
Number 5
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday,
Lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 4
All of us could take a lesson from the weather.
It pays no attention to Criticism.
Number 3
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00,
And a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought For 2010
"Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;
What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow...
but don't let that stop you!"
________________________________________
Similar threads
