Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[dive bandit]

Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins
to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in
real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says,
'Kin ya swallar?'


The woman shakes her head no.

Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'

The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down
her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his
tongue.
The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
If you don't send this to five friends, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world!

 

[mike_s]

Hi,
Some time ago there was this list of funny acronyms. Like NAUI = 'not another useless instructor" etc. Does anyone have that list?


Sharkegg

like PADI = Put Another Dollar In

 

[Ed L.]

Send this to your friends who send you those heart felt e-mails. This one moved me to tears!

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air.

The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it.

As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.

Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled.

Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.


Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son.


As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.


The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down.


The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant..


Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing, and made his way into the enclosure.


He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder.


The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly.


Probably wasn't the same elephant.



This is for everyone who has sent me those sappy ‘heart-warming’ stories. Oh, And the tears in my eyes – they were from laughing.

 

[santafejoe]

Good one

 

[Timoblue]

 

[Rhone Man]

 

[ScubaSteve]

That one is hilarious.

 

[Rhone Man]

 

[Rhone Man]

 

[Rhone Man]