LIABILITY WAIVER
I ___________________ hereby affirm that I have been advised and thoroughly informed of the inherent hazards of scuba diving activities. Further, I understand that diving with compressed air, oxygen enriched air (Nitrox), oxygen and/or helium (Trimix and/or Heliox) and/or neon and/or a severe flatulence methenox disorder involves certain inherent risks including, but not limited to, decompression sickness, embolism, oxygen toxicity, inert gas narcosis, marine life injuries, and/or other barotrauma/hyperbaric injuries that can occur which require treatment in a recompression chamber. Divorce, use of incontinence products, bad credit, bad shocks, bad lower back, ridicule from your friends and family, irreversible hypothermic induced small penis envy and the inability to support even an extra, extra small catheter to ones' penis may all be side effects not immediately evident.
I, ____________________ further understand that the open water scuba diving trips, which are necessary for training and certification may be conducted at a site that is remote, either by time or distance or both from such a recompression chamber. The site is probably an expensive, over-rated weenie site that will be hyped as much as possible to make me believe that I'm actually exploring something macho. I still choose to proceed with such instructional scuba dives despite the possible absence of a recompression chamber, absence of marine life other than something on a microbial level, descent bathroom facilities, and appropriate cocktail bars and/or gentlemanly ballets in proximity to the dive site.
I, _________________ understand and agree that neither my instructor: ______________________, the facility, ___________________, through which I receive my instruction nor any of their respective employees, officers, agents, mistresses, cousins, in-laws, one-night stands, neighbors, acquaintances, mothers, fathers, former cell mates, hair dressers, bar tenders, mailmen, the pool boy, the kid that cuts the lawn or assignees (hereafter referred to as Released Parties) may be held liable or responsible in anyway for any injury, death, adulterous action, voyeurism, lewd and/or licentious behavior or other damages from any family including daughters, sisters, sister-in-laws, mother-in-laws, spouses, and/or the neighbors spouse, heirs or assignees that may occur as a result of my participation in this diving class or as a result of the negligence of any party, including the Released Parties, whether passive, active, out of lust, or being just down right malicious. So there.
_____ In consideration of being allowed to enroll in this diving course, I hereby personally assume all risks in connection with said course, for any harm, injury, or damage that may befall me while I am enrolled as a student of this course, including all risks connected therewith, whether foreseen or unforeseen including all bar tabs, bail, bounced checks, back taxes, paternity judgments, child and/or spousal support payments and/or incidental overdrafts incurred by said instructor. I further acknowledge that the said instructor was just sitting around, minding his/her own business when I demanded he/she provide me with diving instruction. I threatened to kill him/her and his/her entire family at knifepoint if he/she did not teach me how to dive to the deep, dark and scary.
_____I further save and hold harmless said course and Released Parties from any claim, lawsuit, contested paternity action, allegations of drunkenness, adultery, voyeurism, and contend that the Released Parties do not know my daughter(s), who the father of her baby is, cuz they weren't there and they have alibis including those for my instructor, his family, estate, heirs or assignees and all of his innocent buddies whom also were not there, don't know my daughter(s) either and whom also have bullet-proof alibis, in order to consider my enrollment and participation in this diving course, including both claims arising during the course, and those I receive within 9 months after my certification.
____ I also understand that scuba diving activities are physically strenuous and that I will be exerting myself during this Scuba diving course and that if I am injured or killed as a result of heart attack(s); stroke(s); panic; hyperventilation; oxygen toxicity; inert gas narcosis; drowning; DCS; car accident; hernia; hemorrhoids; old age; mad, rabid, killer trout or any other risk of diving that I expressly assume the risk of said injuries and hereby bequeath my entire collection of dive gear to said instructor. My wife's phone number is (___) ___ - ____ and her picture is included.
She prefers(please state color)
Roses _______
Carnations _______
Other ___________ (please state)
My wife's favorite lingerie color from Victoria Secrete is: ____________
She prefers her men wear:
Boxers __
Briefs __
Au Naturale __
I further state that I am of lawful age and so is my daughter and spouse whom are all of a lawful age for legal consent of certain conduct, and I am of course competent to sign this liability release.
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Signature of Student Date