Warning: Groan Worthy

[aussie_shark_bait]

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Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says "dam"
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Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted.
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
**********
Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to
Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!"
**********
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I've lost my electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bullsh#t before
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says,
"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the
dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he
says "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"

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Apparently 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese and there are 5
people in
my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my
dad......or maybe my older brother Colin, or my younger brother
Ho-Cha-Chu, but I'm pretty sure it's Colin.
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with nuts & hundreds and thousands.
Police say that he topped himself.
**********
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
**********
Two fish are in a tank
One says to the other "I'll man the guns, you drive"

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ASB

 

[blacklatexozdiver]

ROFL - well done!

 

[aussie_shark_bait]

ROFL - well done!

Ohhh i am moving back to West Oz later this year have to have a dive.

 

[fan(t)a(s)tic]

Hey mods, do we already have an official SB jokster? (jokester? or whatever...) :grin:

I have a nominee: A_S_B

Eight jokes in just about a week. That's got to be some kind of a record 'round here!

 

[Kriterian]

ASB is the bestest!

I'd like to add one of my favorites that for some reason people just don't get, which makes it even funnier some times.

Two nuns walk into a bar...the third one ducks.

 

[ScubaFreak]

I agree!! ASB has a great sense of humour - well the corny humour that just knocks me over every time!

for example
One dyslexic to another

"Tom, can you smell gas?"

"Are you kidding?," Tom replies, " I can't even smell my own name!"

Baduum tsch...

 

[wstein]

ouch

 

[LeFlaneur]

I went to the doctor and said, "Doctor my arm got broken in two places." He said, "Don't go to those places anymore."

 

[Mako Mark]

for example
One dyslexic to another
...

1.
what does DNA stand for??

The National Dyslexic Association

2.
did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?
He lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

3.
Why shouldnt you make fun of a dyslexic gnome?

Its not big and its not clever

4.
Two pieces of string walk into a bar and one orders then a beer for them each.
The barkeep says "sorry, we dont serve string here",
the second piece of string ties himself into a bow, unravels his ends a bit and says "then you better serve me two beers then please"
The Barman shouts angrily, didnt you hear me? I said we dont serve string here, youre a piece of string arent you.
The second piece of string says: "Nope, Im a frayed knot"

 

[skywalk234]

Great Stuff