What to do?

[Ber Rabbit]

The part that's always frustrating for me is that she always ASKS me what I think, then pooh poohs it or seemingly puts it down in some day, all the while explaining why her preferred diving is "better". I get really tired of feeling like I'm being talked down to.

As you can see from the posts that were commenting on my diving preference she's not the only one who does it and you're not the only diver that someone does it too. The best course is the one you're choosing, just let it go it's not worth messing up a friendship over. Walter knows I love him dearly, I've never had a chance to meet Diver Dennis and they both feel free to comment about what I like versus what they like. That's the way the world should be, just friendly conversation.
Ber :lilbunny:

 

[WellBelowH2O]

As you can see from the posts that were commenting on my diving preference she's not the only one who does it and you're not the only diver that someone does it too. The best course is the one you're choosing, just let it go it's not worth messing up a friendship over.

I tend to, respectfully, disagree with this... if you don't tell her how you're feeling, or put an end to what she's doing, it's just going to continue to bother you and irritate you when you're with her. Get her to stop doing it... saying something as simple as "why do you always ask me for my opinion and then dismiss it?" or even "hey, we each like to do our own things, but you make me feel like my opinion doesn't matter when you trash what I'm saying when you ask me for it". If this is something that you lose a friendship over, it wasn't much of a friendship to start with.

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

I tend to, respectfully, disagree with this... if you don't tell her how you're feeling, or put an end to what she's doing, it's just going to continue to bother you and irritate you when you're with her. Get her to stop doing it... saying something as simple as "why do you always ask me for my opinion and then dismiss it?" or even "hey, we each like to do our own things, but you make me feel like my opinion doesn't matter when you trash what I'm saying when you ask me for it". If this is something that you lose a friendship over, it wasn't much of a friendship to start with.

Sage advice. I agree with this.

 

[chrispete]

I was lucky to get taught the "slow down" lesson early on. I was hanging at my safety stop after rocketing around some turtle grass beds with 1500 PSI or so still in the can, I was bored and ready to get back on the boat. The instructor who taught my OW was on the trip and popped up giving me the descend signal. I followed him down to about 30 feet right behind the boat to a little rock (maybe 1'x1') where he settled down laying in the sand and pointed to the rock. I thought he was nuts. I layed down on the sand and started actually looking at the rock. I realized that it was teeming with life once I stopped to watch. 40 minutes later we ascended as the last to get back on the boat and had a dive the I thoroughly enjoyed. It was a very valuable lesson and has stayed with me.

You may want to try the same with her.

 

[Lead_carrier]

Personally I prefer cold fresh water and wrecks especially natural ones, warm water and wrecks is a rare treat

Ber :lilbunny:

Can we say Outer Banks of NC?

Seriously Ber Rabbit, you want warm water and wrecks? Come on down. We have both. As far as "natural", I guess a torpedo from a german u-boat could be considered natural in some circles. I haven't been lucky enough to do any of the great lakes wrecks so I can't really compare except, like it or not, we get to keep what we find..

 

[Guba]

Solution...come dive with our group! We always take it slow. I have a scientific backgroud, so I never tire of getting in close (yes, I do stay off the reef with my gear and hands) and seeing what I can find in the way of tiny and unusual. As for your friend, next time she says that she's bored with the "usual dives" (and insinutates that you should be too, as if that makes sense) tell her simply that you never tire of looking for new things in familiar settings. Ask her whether she saw that "splendid toadfish" you saw, or the two different types of eels in the same burrow? Ask her to identify that species of blenny making its home in the white sand or the flounder species in the dark stuff. You might get into REEF, an organization that requests divers to take fish census data and submit it to their database. That will certainly slow down a dive pair! But it's fascinating work and has a great purpose.
In short, if your friend has really diverse interests and is unwilling to accomodate your diving style on an even basis, perhaps you could find dive partners with similar interests and purposes.
By the way, our group is going to Cozumel in June. You are more than welcome to join us.

 

[Ber Rabbit]

I tend to, respectfully, disagree with this... if you don't tell her how you're feeling, or put an end to what she's doing, it's just going to continue to bother you and irritate you when you're with her. Get her to stop doing it... saying something as simple as "why do you always ask me for my opinion and then dismiss it?" or even "hey, we each like to do our own things, but you make me feel like my opinion doesn't matter when you trash what I'm saying when you ask me for it". If this is something that you lose a friendship over, it wasn't much of a friendship to start with.

This works with some people but others are only interested in their part of a conversation and don't want to listen to what others say. Some people ask a lot of questions of their conversation partner and pay attention to the responses others just ramble on not caring what the other person's input might be. They ask your opinion but it's just their way of being polite. Kind of like someone saying "How's it going?" most of the time they don't want a description of your day they expect you to reply with a one or two word answer and move on to what they want to talk about. DiveMe shouldn't be bothered by this and I'm not so sure she would change even if she knew how DM felt. It would be nice if she would but I wouldn't bet on it.

Can we say Outer Banks of NC?

Seriously Ber Rabbit, you want warm water and wrecks? Come on down. We have both. As far as "natural", I guess a torpedo from a german u-boat could be considered natural in some circles. I haven't been lucky enough to do any of the great lakes wrecks so I can't really compare except, like it or not, we get to keep what we find..

One day I may actually make it down there, torpedoed boats are cool Hubby has been there but I never have. I just might show up on your doorstep one day This year is Tobermory again, it's the first vacation site I've been to a second time. I enjoyed it so much last year I had to go back again. That's a first for me!
Ber :lilbunny:

 

[WellBelowH2O]

This works with some people but others are only interested in their part of a conversation and don't want to listen to what others say. Some people ask a lot of questions of their conversation partner and pay attention to the responses others just ramble on not caring what the other person's input might be. They ask your opinion but it's just their way of being polite. Kind of like someone saying "How's it going?" most of the time they don't want a description of your day they expect you to reply with a one or two word answer and move on to what they want to talk about. DiveMe shouldn't be bothered by this and I'm not so sure she would change even if she knew how DM felt. It would be nice if she would but I wouldn't bet on it.

A one-sided friendship isn't the type of friendship that I want. A friend is someone who asks "how's it going" and truly cares about the answer. DiveMe shouldn't have to defer to her partner's wishes without being able to voice her opinion and have it heard. That's not the way to maintain any type of healthy relationship.

Anyway... enjoy the cold water diving! I get to test out my new drysuit this weekend in 38 degree water!

 

[Ber Rabbit]

A one-sided friendship isn't the type of friendship that I want. A friend is someone who asks "how's it going" and truly cares about the answer. DiveMe shouldn't have to defer to her partner's wishes without being able to voice her opinion and have it heard. That's not the way to maintain any type of healthy relationship.

I absolutely agree. I just call 'em like I see 'em based on the information given

Anyway... enjoy the cold water diving! I get to test out my new drysuit this weekend in 38 degree water!

Have a great time!
Ber :lilbunny:

 

[String]

Must admit i get really bored of reef too. After a week on the florida keys i was screaming out for some wrecks to look at... Wrecks i never get bored of.