I just read my wife's response on here, and I agree with her that it's entirely possible that you can work through this, but you will have to work at it as we did. Things go so well now I hardly remember those times, but now that I think back, it was pretty frustrating for both of us for a while, and there was a lot of bickering and general bad vibes. In our case, I think we're both lucky that we are able to express ourselves freely, get things off our chests, and then move on without resentment. Usually. Like I said it was pretty rough there for a while.
Several things happened that made things easier. First, I finally got it that I was making things worse by making her feel that I was undermining her. I wasn't doing it intentionally, or even aware of doing it, but every little sigh or rolling of the eyes was like a stab in the back to her. I made a considerable effort to change my behavior, and it paid off. Second, we talked about our problem, and both worked together to find solutions. This one actually came first, but I put the other one first because I think it's more important. We both worked really hard to keep a positive attitude, and not let ourselves descend into another argument. Third, with time, more dives, and a lot of work on skills, we both became more proficient divers. At first it seemed like I had a lot more dives than she; now it seems like I only have some more dives. We dive a lot, so that didn't take that long; she's only been diving 6 months. When she started diving, she wanted to practice skills more than any other buddy I've ever had, so we both got more proficient pretty quickly. And that helped both of our confindence, and that made it easier to relax and enjoy the dive.
You mentioned your wife will "just float away in the current without trying to stop herself". In my opinion, that's what you're supposed to do! It's never a good idea to fight the current; the current is way stronger than you. However, you can be smarter than the current, and use it by knowing when to go with it. I dive in currents, but I put a lot of mental effort into avoiding physical effort. As for how this relates to diving with my wife, well, I guess I must have a lot more drag than she does, because we've been on dives where I'm finning full speed trying to stay in one spot, and I look over, and she's hovering there, practically motionless, wondering what the heck is wrong with me. I don't know what the heck is going on there, but I try to avoid those situations.
As for your wife getting disoriented and wandering off. That's bad. All I can say for that one is just keep trying, in a positive and supportive way, to emphasize the importance of situational awareness and buddy skills. Good luck to both of us on that one, my friend. Actually, this is also something that has improved a lot with more experience, to the point where it's not really a big deal anymore, just a little annoying sometimes.
Now, about your anxiety about her safety. The good news is I know for a fact you can get over this because I have. I think what really helped was that we spent so much time working on skills, like air sharing, ascents, etc. That was effort that paid off in spades.
Talk freely, don't hold grudges, work on your skills, be patient. You can do it!
