Wife will not let me dive without a dive master..
- Thread starter Mscdex
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OP
Mscdex
Contributor
Other than taking a class, is it possible to find a DM who would go with us? Is it a common practice to request one from a dive shop?
CT Sean
Contributor
Out of curiousity, do you are your wife dive together without a DM? If so why does she think your safe with her but not with other "normal" OW divers?
OP
Mscdex
Contributor
The only times we have dived are with groups which included 3 DMs
So, you are married. When you agree to spend your life with someone you agree to compromise: especially when it comes to issues of time, safety, and money. Candidly, any/all three of those issues could be in play here. I'd ask your wife, why she doesn't want you to dive without a DM, and try and and reach some sort of agreement for the future. Candidly. it is possible that she is correct and you are not ready (despite OW cert) to dive without a DM. I would remind my fellow-posters that she is in a better position to assess your skills/capacity than anyone on this board. It is also possible that she doesn't want you running off with your friends every weekend without her and she figures adding more cost into the equation will ensure she maintains some couples time with you. Or maybe she is just risk averse and loves you and can't bear the thought of something bad happening to you....so she is encouraging you to be extra careful. Maybe she just thinks your friends are flakes that won't be there for you in an emergency. The possibilities are almost endless.
Unfortunately, the only person who can answer those questions is your wife. You won't find any meaningul insight from this board. And while you don't have to let her dictate whether you dive (I wouldn't), I encourage you to talk it through and try to compromise so you can enjoy diving and she doesn't have to experience anxiety about your safety. Good luck and happy diving.
Unfortunately, the only person who can answer those questions is your wife. You won't find any meaningul insight from this board. And while you don't have to let her dictate whether you dive (I wouldn't), I encourage you to talk it through and try to compromise so you can enjoy diving and she doesn't have to experience anxiety about your safety. Good luck and happy diving.
When somebody draws a line like that, it's because they are scared. Something about you diving is speaking to some kind of anxiety she holds -- whether it's related to water or her own subjective imagination of diving, or whether it's related to behavior in you that she has seen in the past is something only you can know. I remember, about a year after I took up diving with my favorite dive buddy, having his wife say to me, "I'm so glad you and Kirk are diving together. In the past, he used to dive with unsafe buddies. Now I know he is being safe.". Even as a non-diver, his wife had identified behaviors that worried her, and she was relieved when those went away.
You can just ignore her, of course. You can lie to her as well. But both courses completely invalidate her right to worry about you and to express that worry, even if she isn't expressing it in the most constructive way at present. You need to acknowledge her concern and, if possible, find out exactly WHAT she is worried about, so that you can craft a strategy that will give both of you what you want. If she is worried about depth, reassure her you will stay shallow. If she's worried about your buddies, try to figure out what qualifications in a buddy would make her feel secure (other than being a pro who you have to pay to dive with you). Maybe it would help to have her come along with you to a dive site, and get a chance to meet and talk to the people with whom you dive?
There are occasions when one partner has such a deep-rooted, irrational fear of something that there is no compromise. I have a friend who CANNOT accompany us on our Mexico trips, because his wife is terrified of Mexico as a country. In those cases, you have to choose, but recognize that invalidating your spouse's fears may have a price.
You can just ignore her, of course. You can lie to her as well. But both courses completely invalidate her right to worry about you and to express that worry, even if she isn't expressing it in the most constructive way at present. You need to acknowledge her concern and, if possible, find out exactly WHAT she is worried about, so that you can craft a strategy that will give both of you what you want. If she is worried about depth, reassure her you will stay shallow. If she's worried about your buddies, try to figure out what qualifications in a buddy would make her feel secure (other than being a pro who you have to pay to dive with you). Maybe it would help to have her come along with you to a dive site, and get a chance to meet and talk to the people with whom you dive?
There are occasions when one partner has such a deep-rooted, irrational fear of something that there is no compromise. I have a friend who CANNOT accompany us on our Mexico trips, because his wife is terrified of Mexico as a country. In those cases, you have to choose, but recognize that invalidating your spouse's fears may have a price.
Mustard Dave
Contributor
Is there a club nearby where you can meet and dive with experienced divers?
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