You'll die if...

[jupitermermaid]

You'll die if your spouse or significant other wants new dive gear they can't afford and you have a life insurance policy with him/her named as a beneficiary. You'll probably die as an "accident" while scuba diving, so your 'bereaved' loved one can also sue the charter boat/resort for pain and suffering caused by your untimely death.

 

[sambolino44]

You'll die if you don't get off that dang Scubaboard! Or, actually, it usually comes out more like, "I'm going to kill you if you don't turn off that @#$% computer!"

 

[Brewski]

You'll die if your spouse ever finds your hidden credit card account reserrved for diving equipment

 

[Guba]

I'll die if I have to wait until March to dive!
(No, I can't afford a drysuit)
(No, I don't have a high tolerance for cold water)
(No, I can't afford to jet off to Cozumel)
(No, there are NOT lots of close, warm lakes--and I live 8 hours from a coast)

My only saving grace is in the form of a few springs that might possibly sorta kinda scratch the dive itch until warmer weather and water happen next spring. In the meantime, SB and its many interesting folks will have to do!

 

[batmanusa]

You will surely die, if you touch a techies kit without permission.

 

[Scubastud16]

You will surely die, if you touch a techies kit without permission.

You'll (in general) will die if you touch MY kit without permission! I carry several "multipurpose" knives

 

[divinginn]

you will die if you dont carry a big honkin 35 watt hid cannister light.

 

[rockjock3]

You'll die if you carry several multipurpose knives

K, here are some more

You'll die if

--you touch a techies kit
--you touch a techies tank valves as he is walking to the side
--you try and help a techie back on the boat by grabbing his manifold
--you take a techies deco bottles off their staging line (I can get to the surface, stab you and
get back down in less than five minutes if I have to)
--drop a techies deco bottle into the abyss because you thought you failed to read the
first "you'll die if" rule above
--you try to do helicoptor turns and frog kick with split fins
--you get tangled in your smb line when you are shooting it from 200fsw
--you get tangled in your buddies smb line "accidently" when he shoots it from 200fsw
(hmmm) that guy might have failed one of the previous rules-muahahahaha
--you run out of air at 200fsw diving solo
--forget to switch to your travel gas at the right depth
--mix your own gas
--O2 clean your own tanks
--smoke while your mixing your own gas

 

[Parysa]

what about the banana boat sunscreen lotion that we have here in australia?!

...you leave that banana off the dive boat.

All I know is that I've been informed by my boyfriend that I will die if I bring a banana on a dive boat, and so will everyone else on said dive boat. In addition, if I somehow manage to survive the now ill-fated dive boat and there are other survivors, I'll be horribly murdered in retribution.

 

[Gombessa]

Funny, I've heard the banana-on-a-diveboat thing too...didn't know it was a thing.