How to handle non diving husband who is being difficult....

[ladyfishdvr]

It's about control and keeping every thing the same.... It's NOT about money... It's NOT about time.... It's NOT about you.... IT's about HIM..... In skydiving we call it a "skydiving induced divorce" ....

The only way to deal with this is to say..... I LOVE " YOU ".... I WANT " YOU " ..... But you must let me be "ME"..... Just as I have let you be "YOU" all these years.... Diving makes me " HAPPY ".... Just like fishing makes you happy..... Don't you want the love of your life, your wife of 22 yrs 'HAPPY' ?????

Jim.....

I will have to try this out tonight...

 

[Superlyte27]

I've found that men have a different perspective of life when they are getting more mouth hugs.

 

[redacted]

Have you considered taking up fishing with him? Not to replace scuba but so you would be making a step at meeting him on some common grounds.

 

[oldschoolto]

I will have to try this out tonight...

This is a happy talk..... Don't confront.... Good luck.....

Jim....

---------- Post added May 17th, 2013 at 09:47 AM ----------

Have you considered taking up fishing with him? Not to replace scuba but so you would be making a step at meeting him on some common grounds.

She wants to swim with the fish.... Silly....

Jim...

 

[ladyfishdvr]

Have you considered taking up fishing with him? Not to replace scuba but so you would be making a step at meeting him on some common grounds.

I used to fish with him all the time. Then I had an injury to my right hand that prohibits me from holding a fishing rod for more than an hour before I am in excruciating pain. He fishes all day, from his boat. Not much point in taking the boat out for an hour since its a drive to get anywhere.

I do tell him about the fish I see!!!

 

[Pullmyfinger]

It's about control and keeping every thing the same.... It's NOT about money... It's NOT about time.... It's NOT about you.... IT's about HIM..... In skydiving we call it a "skydiving induced divorce" ....

The only way to deal with this is to say..... I LOVE " YOU ".... I WANT " YOU " ..... But you must let me be "ME"..... Just as I have let you be "YOU" all these years.... Diving makes me " HAPPY ".... Just like fishing makes you happy..... Don't you want the love of your life, your wife of 22 yrs 'HAPPY' ?????

Jim.....

I had a Diving/Deploy to Afghanistan induced divorce. It's funny how life works out sometimes.

 

[dlofting]

I used to like catching fish until I took up diving and they all became my buddies.

 

[dfx]

I used to fish with him all the time. Then I had an injury to my right hand that prohibits me from holding a fishing rod for more than an hour before I am in excruciating pain. He fishes all day, from his boat. Not much point in taking the boat out for an hour since its a drive to get anywhere.

I do tell him about the fish I see!!!

Maybe combine the two and take up spearfishing? :tongue:

 

[Wineaux]

What stands out to me is your comment about how you don't like the stress you get when you stand up for your self and the suggestion from a friend to take a class to get you out of the house. Armchair psychiatrist here but it seems that your husband is used to you being home and not having much life outside of him. The fact you even need to stand up for yourself seems to imply that he is used to and likes/prefers that dynamic. You taking up diving has given you an interest outside him and since you are making decisions and purchases you are establishing some independence. His comment about diving tearing you apart really means he is worried you may see that the dynamic you have been living may not be the one you want to keep living while he clearly has no interest in it changing.

I like the suggestion of counseling. This isn't about diving. It is about you re establishing yourself as an independent individual and the growing pains your relationship will go through as the new dynamic tries to stabilize.

 

[Aguablanco1]

Virtually all men have some insecurities, especially me, and apparently your husband. We generally have a very difficult time expressing those insecurities and eventually do so in a manner that is, to say the least, sometimes unflattering. While in FL I would invite him on the boat as a snorkeler, this may show him exactly why you like diving. I am one of the luckiest guys in the world, my wife loves all of my adventure sports as much as I do. We whitewater raft and she would never miss a 21 day Grand Canyon trip any more than I would. When I was a rock climber she took the basic course to have some knowledge. After a bad Discover Scuba experience, which she really liked, I bought us both diving lessons. I expected that I would be doing this only because she wanted to do it and that I would really not like it very much. And now I am in Divemaster training heading to Instructor. With some patient guidance he may see the light and understand that different hobbies aren't necessarily a bad thing, or he may actually see the fun and adventure involved and want to try it himself.
RichH