Bullied under water

[gcarter]

While the roles of victim and aggressor have no need to be persons of different sexes; they usually are. Asserting that this type of behavior flows evenly in both directions may make us feel better but its not true.

IMO, this thread belongs where the OP wants it. That said, I'll play devils advocate.

One reason to place this discussion on the women's forum, is to increase the likelihood that it will get thoughtful and helpful responses. Many women have recent experience in dealing with unwanted physical attention. I know many men think they have this experience, but most often they've simply seen someone touch their gear; and are feeling VIOLATED.

There are a few too many macho insights in this thread that aren't really helpful. They amount to 1) Bully back or escalate this cluster (stupid and you might want to stop using that low-T gel); 2) If someone did that too my wife (we get it, you're a big strong man who will take care of your woman); or 3) Don't be bullied (sadly I couldn't find the steaming turd icon).

Sorry to the awesome guys who posted great responses. And those of you with first hand experience on the bullied side of things. You all are just the exception that proves the rule today.

---------- Post added January 6th, 2014 at 08:31 PM ----------



If you are being aggressive back...then you are being aggressive.

This is not, IMO, a women's issue. You are making an unwarranted assumption that this type of bullying only takes place between people of opposite sex.

 

[AfterDark]

I agree female bullys are the worst. Because all bullys are cowards but a male bully you stand up to them and its over with female bullys you can not be aggressive back or it appears your the one being agressive

That's why one needs non-violent, creative ways to "discourage" bullies. Example: post dive on the boat the bully leaves their gear to go to the head. Take as much of the gear as possible and throw it over the side. The second dive will be a pleasant one!

 

[DaleC]

I just reread the OP and was reminded of a show I saw on TV called Whale Wars, in which a group of eco "warriors" get on a boat and bully Japanese whalers. Seems the behavior is justified if one believes enough in the cause. Perhaps the BIL has watched as well and wants to get some street cred.

What's his stance like above water on environmental issues?

 

[James R]

Without reading every post here, this is my 2 PSI:

1) Tritonette (OP) - leave the conch shells and everything else alone! Take only pictures, leave only bubbles. It's clear you have a habit of taking shells and whatever else you feel like. Stop being selfish...leave them for others to see.

Hawaii Division of Aquatic Resources (HDAR) admonishes people not to pick up or touch any shells; anything disturbed must be returned to its original place, according to HDAR rules.


2) There is zero reason for him, or anyone else, to put his hands on you in any way. This is also called assault, and can be prosecuted. It is very far from OK.

3) Those of you suggesting she escalate the situation with violence need to wake up. Those suggestions are ridiculous and would most certainly make the situation worse.

 

[divin'dog]

That's why one needs non-violent, creative ways to "discourage" bullies. Example: post dive on the boat the bully leaves their gear to go to the head. Take as much of the gear as possible and throw it over the side. The second dive will be a pleasant one!

I don't think I could throw someone's gear overboard... but if you want to get mean, secretly take his mask or hood then go to the head. Pee in it. Put it back. Just don't get caught...

One of the best stories I had heard was of a colleague who got even with someone as they traded pranks... He put a raw clam in the guy's hub cap (old MG) then forgot about it until the guy said he was going to spend the weekend tearing down the walls of his garage because something died and he had to find it... He told the guy what he had done before anything got torn apart.

 

[ballast]

"Look but don't touch" is the rule I always follow when diving. There is usually no need to ever touch or disturb the marine life. It's just good diving karma. Sounds like your brother in law has difficulty conveying this philosophy in a calm, non-confrontational manner. In other words, he's a jerk.

 

[wtcreaux]

I have seen at least one other poster (James R) state this - what he did is "assault" and can be prosecuted. And you have it on tape......

Does he ever touch you on land (some jurisdictions may not extend to the water, check with state Game Wardens ??)? If so, file charges.

The saying "Permitting it is Promoting it" comes to mind........(NOT placing blame, but when he got away with it the first time, he found his target).

Life is too dang short to spend it with rectal orifices.....file charges, move one, and enjoy life. Who knows, maybe your sister will file charges too??

 

[iamrushman]

it's a large ocean.....stay away from dangerous animals.

 

[AfterDark]

I don't think I could throw someone's gear overboard... but if you want to get mean, secretly take his mask or hood then go to the head. Pee in it. Put it back. Just don't get caught...

One of the best stories I had heard was of a colleague who got even with someone as they traded pranks... He put a raw clam in the guy's hub cap (old MG) then forgot about it until the guy said he was going to spend the weekend tearing down the walls of his garage because something died and he had to find it... He told the guy what he had done before anything got torn apart.

Anything you do that the bully doesn't know about (peeing in mask) is useless. We ain't talking pranks here, this A-hole needs to be discouraged. The op isn't going to do anything violent or it would have happened already. Things like removing his mask when he grabs her or throwing his gear overboard sends the message F-off very clearly.

 

[DandyDon]

It's sad to see how many suggest retaliation here. I'd rather stop a problem than escalate it to war.