Dear Dork Divers Advice Column – Ask us your questions

[Teamcasa]

Dear DD,

I have purple fins and a purple wetsuit, but the fins are more of a plum color, while the wetsuit is more of an amethyst...the tones don't quite match. Purple is my favorite color. Do you think the fish will mind?

Dear Gigi,

Its sounds like the perfect combination. All you need now is a red wing for contrast and blue mask and snorkel. With this combination most of the fish will be quite happy to swim with you.

Dave
DDHF

 

[diverdan214]

Certainly! This is why most divers carry a knife! For impromptu, field-expedient brain surgeries, tracheotomies, and veinous cut-downs.

The best way to begin is by saying, This hurts me more than it hurts you...

Sadly doing this underwater it only sounds like 'glurble'

 

[MaconBubbles]

Dear fellow Dork Divers,

I bought a retractor for my computer, but it was too small because when I got in the water with it, my computer pulled all of the line out. I then bought a bigger retractor with a lock to try it again next time. I hate to waste equipment. Any ideas for the old retractor?

 

[BHB ScubaTroll]

Dear fellow Dork Divers,

I bought a retractor for my computer, but it was too small because when I got in the water with it, my computer pulled all of the line out. I then bought a bigger retractor with a lock to try it again next time. I hate to waste equipment. Any ideas for the old retractor?

Hi Stephi, and thanks for your question. Retractors are multi-functional and not just in the diving world.

The oldest known retractor was from ancient Egypt. It was seen in the Egyptian community as a way to keep young children near their parents (wouldn't want them lost in some pyramid scheme, now would you).

Recent additions include keeping the bf or hubby near by. A retractor can be used much like a leash, but without the bulky sequins that adorn those modern monstrosities. If you have a large wallet, you can attach one end of the retractor to your belt and the other to the wallet. If someone were attempting to pick your pocket, you would be alerted immediately.

All of this is, of course, dependent on the color of your snorkel... And, that color would be?

 

[MaconBubbles]

All of this is, of course, dependent on the color of your snorkel... And, that color would be?

Ummm...let me go look and get back to you.

 

[BHB ScubaTroll]

Ummm...let me go look and get back to you.

People, please! One of the most important things to know is the color of your snorkel... It could save your life!

Not what the color is at depth, mind you, but the color on the surface. One day you will be in an AOW course, and the instructor will ask you to write this down on your tablet at 102'. If you are Narc'd, it will be important to know these things by heart!

 

[BobbyWombat]

Dear fellow Dork Divers,

I bought a retractor for my computer, but it was too small because when I got in the water with it, my computer pulled all of the line out. I then bought a bigger retractor with a lock to try it again next time. I hate to waste equipment. Any ideas for the old retractor?

Stephi,

You have not wasted equipment...in fact you need to buy an additional retractor. Run from each knee to your BC. This will greatly assist you in learning the bicycle kick.

 

[MaconBubbles]

Stephi,

You have not wasted equipment...in fact you need to buy an additional retractor. Run from each knee to your BC. This will greatly assist you in learning the bicycle kick.

That's a great idea! Also, I thought I might attach it to my buddy to maintain proper buddy awareness!

 

[Diver Dennis]

Dear Dork Divers,

I am developing a Buddy Retractor so I never get separated again. I'm thinking aircraft cable here and if there is a problem you just hit the Super Retract button and your buddy is right beside you!

Can I expect your endorsement?

 

[BHB ScubaTroll]

Dear Dork Divers,

I am developing a Buddy Retractor so I never get separated again. I'm thinking aircraft cable here and if there is a problem you just hit the Super Retract button and your buddy is right beside you!

Can I expect your endorsement?

Absolutely... unless it exceeds the PADI maximum ascent rate of 1000' per min.