"Good Buddy" or "Dive Natzi" ??????

[iztok]

And please let us know how it went. Some of us would like to know

 

[DiveMom1]

Humm...
I may be off base (there's always a first time) but perhaps your husband needs more of a challenge and a less controlling dive environment than you can provide for him.
Maybe he wants to be a race horse but finds himself hitched to a plough team? I know as a husband and father (who loves his family) there are times when I want to get out there and run. If I had to go at the pace and comfort level of the wife and kids all the time I would crack. I do things with them but often feel like I am sleepwalking - my skill, fitness and risk acceptance level is far beyond theirs. I am a happy camper because we have both "us time" and "me time" if you know what I mean.

Don't take what I'm saying the wrong way Divemom, there really isn't an excuse for his poor behavior to date and I'm not being dismissive. Unsafe is unsafe. I'm just suggesting another way to look at the situation. Some men (and women too I suppose) need more stimulus than the nice safe family outing can provide. Perhaps if he was given the outlet to push himself, maybe with other more risk attracted divers, he might sow those wild oats and calm down with you and the kids. He might also take direction better from those hardcore divers too as they are doing the dives he is reaching for instead of from his wife who is doing the dives he is running from?

Just a thought, it might (or might not) apply.

No OFFENCE at all taken Dale. I do agree that ONCE HE REALLY GETS EXPERIENCE as a diver he will need a challenge much of the time.. just his nature [also our oldest sons nature]. My issue is with him having less than 35 dives and 7 or more of those solo. He has no "training" for any kind of emergency situation and carries no redundant resources.

If ever the saying "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU DON'T KNOW" relavent.. this is it. Tonight I was telling him I was thinking about getting him a pony to sling on his BC for Christmas. His rely was "What the h*ll do I need with a baby sea horse? Wouldn't it die in my BCpocket anyway?"

VERY SCARRRRRRRRRY!!!!!!!

 

[Jax]

Pardon my bluntness, but are all your (his!) affairs in order? Will, Living Will, Durable / Medical Power of Attorney?

 

[I Dive]

Last weekend I was talking with a Dive Con about our oldest starting OW in a couple of weeks. I asked if buddy/hubby and I could audit the class. He wanted to know why so I explained my hubby had been resort certified in 2 days and had no clue about the "buddy system" about "pre Dive" checks or any kind of self or buddy assistance.

He asked if I had any specifics.. and I explained sever instances where these had been an issue on a dive and could have been much more serious if we hadn't immediatly aborted the dive.

He asked what I expected as a buddy and from a buddy... Well, first and foremost was to be there to precheck equipment, dive plan, communication, emergency procedures.. etc.

He told me that I just wanted to "spoil all the fun of diving" ????

When I told him my buddy/hubby generally took off as soon as we were in the water he called me a dive natzi!! Asking what I expected "What, do you expect him to be in sight on the whole dive!!!" When I responded "YES" he was downright nasty saying that was selfish and evil and he was glad I wasn't his buddy!

Am I waaaaaaaaaaaay off base here? I realize most of my buddy habits were learned from a scientific research team.. but ... does staying within line of viz make me a controling natzi dive buddy???

This has been bugging the heck out of me.. and of course my hubby ate it up! Now he feels justified only making sure we are in the same ocean!

Go back to that shop, find the manager or owner, and tell them you were going to use the shop to train your kid but now you will not. When they ask why, tell them this story. I'm hoping the only braindead moron in that shop is this particular DiveCon and that someone else on staff has a functioning brain. But, then again, nothing surprises me any longer...

 

[DiveMom1]

Sorry it took so long for me to update you all. I have been hunting [and researching] another dive shop. Something I take much more seriously now!

I have talked to the owner of the "other" dive shop and presented him a letter in person. It is still up in the air as to wether or not I'll be reimbursed for the classes.. but I have kids in a new program.

Update when I recieve his responce. I asked to have a responce in writing within 30 days.

 

[DandyDon]

Update when I recieve his responce. I asked to have a responce in writing within 30 days.

I guess you are more reasonable that I. I would have requested by return mail. I think I would have talked with him in person first, tho. Anyway, good luck.

 

[Bonairetrip]

Going aginst the grain, is it possible the DCS was just being a wise acre?

I see three possible interpretations:
a) He is a total (and dangerous) idiot;
b) He was being sarcastic (and in such an inept way that both you and your husband misunderstood which, being generous, makes the DCS a poor communicator);
c) He misunderstood what you were saying (although what you said seemed very clear to me!)

 

[Bonairetrip]

It seems to me that the husband is an issue that is part scuba related and part personal/marriage counseling related. I will tackle only the diving part.

Given your description, he does not seem like a great candidate for solo diving. How about a gift of a GUE fundamentals class (as was mentioned in post 66)? Perhaps if it was just him, with some very skilled divers, it would help him. (That might also help in that he would not have any incentive to subconciously show off and might be more willing to examine his diving weaknesses.)

 

[Brian Sharpe]

Last weekend I was talking with a Dive Con about our oldest starting OW in a couple of weeks. I asked if buddy/hubby and I could audit the class. He wanted to know why so I explained my hubby had been resort certified in 2 days and had no clue about the "buddy system" about "pre Dive" checks or any kind of self or buddy assistance.

He asked if I had any specifics.. and I explained sever instances where these had been an issue on a dive and could have been much more serious if we hadn't immediatly aborted the dive.

He asked what I expected as a buddy and from a buddy... Well, first and foremost was to be there to precheck equipment, dive plan, communication, emergency procedures.. etc.

He told me that I just wanted to "spoil all the fun of diving" ????

When I told him my buddy/hubby generally took off as soon as we were in the water he called me a dive natzi!! Asking what I expected "What, do you expect him to be in sight on the whole dive!!!" When I responded "YES" he was downright nasty saying that was selfish and evil and he was glad I wasn't his buddy!

Am I waaaaaaaaaaaay off base here? I realize most of my buddy habits were learned from a scientific research team.. but ... does staying within line of viz make me a controling natzi dive buddy???

This has been bugging the heck out of me.. and of course my hubby ate it up! Now he feels justified only making sure we are in the same ocean!

All I can say is that the DiveCon you were speaking to is a complete and utter (sorry for the politically incorrect term) retard.

I've usually considered myself a pretty attentive and aware buddy but had the pleasure (and good luck) to dive with a couple of guys (we were 4 divers in 2 buddy pairs but stayed close together, 1 more experienced diver per pair) this past weekend that exemplified what a good buddy should be.

The 2 more experienced divers were using DIR configurations (long hoses etc.) and we were using more of a typical recreational set up. During the buddy check/dive plan briefing we did equipment checks, air sharing procedures, reviewed hand signals, hose routing etc etc etc - (I can see some of you rolling your eyes at "overkill") - far beyond the cursory BWRAF that we learn in OW.

Long story short I experienced some buoyancy issues near the end of the dive but as a result of their excellent buddy skills and attentiveness the only damage was to my pride.

Unless you're a solo diver you and your buddy are a team - it's that simple.

 

[Surface Interval]

I think enough has been said about the original dive shop, so I'm only going to comment on your buddy situation.

When you and your hubby/buddy dive, maybe you could let him have his deep dive first, possibly becoming a 3rd buddy to a 2person team while you enjoy a slower paced dive with the kids.

Then on his second dive you could him to hang out with you and the kids.

This way he gets his "solo" time to dive how he likes, but he's paying attention to you and the kids emotionally (and physically there) for the second dive.

I'm not sure how this affects you on the first dive though, for example if you also wanted to see what's at 130 feet or so. But you seem like you enjoy just being with the kids in the water.

Maybe you should get him a good camera with housing. That will slow him down