If you had your life to live over

[keytofreedom]

I know this might seem like a random question, but hopefully thought-provoking. As I am in mid mid-life crisis, I'd be very interested to know your responses to the question, "If I could go back and live my life over, this is what I'd do differently". I'm even considering writing a book on this subject for teenagers (polling their idols). I promise not to quote you.

 

[Windwalker]

I would not change a thing. My pain has made me the person I am today, for better or for worse. It would not be possible to do everything correct. Making mistakes and learning are key to my development. I constantly look at my life and ask "Am I Happy" I have many things to be happy about, I have loving friends, I have a good house, I have a good job, I have my health. I have interests and money enough to persue them. Sometimes I wish I had more, but that is not what life is all about for me. What I want out of life is happiness, a partner who I can love and trust, and perhaps Children. If those things do not come to be, then it was not ment to be.

I have just recently gone through a very hard breakup with a person I loved more then life. I have had to evaluate this as a learning experience. It hurt more then anything I have ever had to deal with. However, I have learned much about myself from it. For that I am grateful.

I have gone through many self evaluations that have forced me to change who I am, and what I am. I moved to Oregon from Miami because I realized I was on a dead end road. I believe that in any crisis, goals should be set and followed. Its not WHAT you have done, its where are you going, and are you happy with it. Money, companions, property or anything mean NOTHING unless they make you happy.

I go through Mini-crisis all the time, I look back and have said, What if I had done that.. It occurs to me that out of every wrong turn comes a new experience that makes the next few right.

Feeling alone, not knowing if what has been done was right, not knowing what is happening in the future, being scared of death, or Financial problems, and not being in control of life, are just a few things that cloud the water of life. These are all fears that I face, and so far they have not wittled away my zest for life.

I believe that Capt Kirk said it best. "My Pain is what made me WHO I am Today."

No I would not change a thing.


Well, That is probably not the answer you are asking about, but that is my Philosophy on life.

 

[Grajan]

I believe that small decisions - good and bad - have huge but totally unknowable consequences in the future thread of life.

My wonderful partner was tucked away in an Ashram in Western Australia when I met her. I am convinced that, had I made any one of thousands of previous decisions differently I would never have found her.

Some of those decisions were absolute doozers....running away from home / school at 16 and later dropping out of Uni to work as a welder stand out - BUT - they, and all the other totally dumb things I did, turned out to be really good choices in the longer run.

Where do I find myself now as I roll into (through) middle age (I'm 52)?

I am healthy, I have THE perfect life partner - much better than I either expected or deserve, I have had a fascinating 'career' taking me all over the world and allowing me to live on three continents, I now have a job that is creative, challenging and immense fun AND I still get to go on diving trips.

It isn't perfect - nobody's life is - I've had some horrible bits but, as windwalker said so well, that is all part of the puzzle. Would I risk the great stuff to 'fix' some of my many screwups. HELL NO.

I hope that adds something - I enjoyed writing it.

(sorry about disrespecting the - women's views - it was too tempting a topic :um: )

 

[keytofreedom]

Your answers are really fascinating to me. Let me pose this angle: If there was a young person on this planet who really could avoid problems by learning from someone else's experience, is there anything you would advise them to avoid that you did do?

 

[FLArmyBrat]

I only wish I could be content enough to say I wouldn't change a thing. And the one thing I would change has not so much to do with my life as it does my son's.

I mentioned earlier that I had lost a large (no pun intended) amount of weight. I had been big all my life. And although my weight could be attributed to medical problems, I still used that as an excuse to eat anything and anytime I wanted. I never took the "problem" seriously enough and as my son grew up he watched my bad eating habits and now has developed his own. He has seen me reach 378 lbs. and go through 2 major surgeries to "fix" the problem. And now he's caught in the cycle. He is a big kid. And I know what he's going through.

So, if I could change anything it would be that I would have seriously worked on my issues LONG before my son was at an age to watch me and let the bad habits catch on with him.

Laurel

 

[OHDiver]

keytofreedom once bubbled...
Your answers are really fascinating to me. Let me pose this angle: If there was a young person on this planet who really could avoid problems by learning from someone else's experience, is there anything you would advise them to avoid that you did do?

Yes...

My advise would be to NOT give your entire being up to another out of love...

Learn to love yourself... Do for yourself... Don't play the martyr role in life... Even if you believe in your heart that doing so is what makes you such a special person... You will have so much more to offer in the end if you first find yourself, learn who you are and what makes you happy & proud ...

Only then can truly give your ALL to the ones you love...

And, if and when that question comes up in the future, you will know the answer... Because you will have found it long before it was asked... Don't wait until it is asked before looking...

ity:

 

[diverbrian]

OHDiver puts any advice that I would give to someone younger into words that I can neither add or subtract from.

That having been said... What would I do differently? I am where I was intended to be. I made mistakes (many of them). Hopefully, I learned from most of them. Like Windwalker and Grajan, the results of those mistakes make me the person that I am today.

I can't live in the past as I can't undo the things that I have done for good or bad. I don't know what the future will bring and much of it is out of my control. I have a beautiful day today and that is what counts. I would like to say that I have regrets. Even the things that I have done wrong have had good effects. So, I can't say as if I would have done anything differently.

 

[cdiver2]

This is what I would tell anyone. Into every life a little rain must fall, it is unrealistic to expect everything to be rosy all the time. But after the rain comes the sun, no problem continues the rest of your life so if you have a problem deal with it then move into the sun.

 

[keytofreedom]

OHDiver, I knew from your response that you were a woman even before I looked at your profile. It's been my experience that men don't give their entire beings over to love relationships. Maybe I'm wrong. And maybe it's a generational thing, but men our age were taught, and most women weren't, that who they are is what they do, where they succeed, etc. Women were taught they were as good as the man they caught. It was a subliminal message, but it was there all the same.

My answer to the question re:teaching young people could have been plucked right out of your mouth. I wish I had spent less time worrying about who I was dating, what people thought of me, etc. and spent more time thinking about what I thought of me, what I wanted to accomplish. I wish I had gone as far as I could go with my education. I wish I had gotten to know myself first, as you said, before I carried on so about wanting to know so much about some man. Don't get me wrong. I love men! They are wonderful creatures. I just wish I had waited to love me first. If young girls would only get that message, they could save themselves a lot of heartache.

And, there are the practical things I wish I had not ever done. If I'd never smoked that first cigarette, I'd never had struggled so hard to quit. There aren't too many things I regret doing as a young person that alcohol wasn't a factor in. I wish I'd been kinder and more respectful to my parents. I wish I hadn't been caught up in the drug craze of the 60's/70's/80's. There's no telling how many years of my life I've whacked off the end.

I'm starting to realize now that life is precious. I guess that's what mid-life crisis is all about. That's how I've found myself involved in scuba. I don't want to ask myself this question in twenty years and have my answer be, "I wish I'd learned to scuba!".

Please keep giving me your feedback. I can't get enough.

 

[diverbrian]

I tried to give a strong willed woman everything, but thankfully I was raised that I have to look at what I do and not who I am with. It still took longer than I would have liked to recover from the close call from someone who nearly owned me mind, body, and soul. I then found out that I wasn't a person anymore, rather an extension of her.

Men do feel these things. I happened to have other responsibilities that kept me grounded. You are correct that OH Diver's response is almost exclusive to a woman, not in that she feels that way. It is in that she has the courage to express it. That is something that took me 30+ years and much pain to learn to do. My responses are more typical of a male. I roll the dice and try to do the right thing. Sometimes it is the wrong thing, but that is being human.

I wish that I had learned to care about myself as well, instead of always doing for others and being a doormat. But, I am still learning that lesson. I am making new friends that don't expect me to be a doormat. So, I am still where I am intended to be. And now I know why those "annoying adults" told me this stuff when I was growing.