Non-diver spouse??!!

[mislav]

I say get your priorities straight. Divorce the drunk, and go diving!

Or give her one last chance to change her mind about diving: tell her no booze beats nitrogen narcosis!

 

[k4man]

My spouse does not dive and has no desire to. We have been married for 13 yrs and the first ten years I only dived 1 or 2 times each year. The problem now has more to do with family (two small kids) time. What time I have left during the week is mostly devoted to them. I try to schedule diving ahead of time so that they know when I will be gone. Even then it is difficult. It is sometimes hard for someone who does not dive to understand why we all like to dive so much.
One big concern my wife has is my safety and I try to ensure her not to worry because I dive safely.
Giving her and the family vacation time in trade for some of my own has worked also. I t just makes it more difficult to plan vacations.

I'm feeling your pain, Buckeye buddy!!

 

[David K]

So my question is how do most of you handle a non-diving spouse?

Edited: I quess it's a basic scuba question.....

My X behaved the same way…..I’m sure going to miss her….NOT!

Oct 7th is the 1st anniversary of my new life…..to celebrate I’ll get laid & going diving!

David K

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Funny ... I divorced my wife, and now we're each other's favorite dive buddy.

A few weeks back we were returning from a dive trip in British Columbia. Crossing the border, the Customs guy looked at our passports, looked at us and asked "How do you two know each other?"

I told him we used to be married.

He looked at me kind've funny and asked "And what are you now?"

To which I replied "Getting along" ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[fire_diver]

... what "rhyz" was asking was how do you deal with a non-diving spouse. Some others added their own stories and light hearted banter about their own intricacies in dealing with it.
I don't think that anyone is advocating you leave your wife/husband just because she/he doesn't like diving, even the ones who suggested that as an alternative, it was said tongue-in-cheek, I'm sure you all saw that.

While some of you fine folks are to be commended for having such harmonious arrangements, some of us do not have that and it just takes a little bit more to get things done; that doesn't mean "diving or her/him". :no

Instead of giving up on diving just because she doesn't approve 100% of the time, even though I bang my head sometimes, we still come to a compromise. That's what a relationship is all about, whether you agree all the time about everything or you disagree all the time.

Yes, he ASKED about dealing with a non-diving spouse. Lots of us have them. But he also revealed a relationship inbalance that goes far beyond his love of diving. A marriage is a job that both partners have to work at. If one of the partners only cares about getting drunk, then there's a real problem. The fact that she wants him to get drunk with her, isn't "spending quality time together." It's seeking aproval of the self destructive behavior by forcing the other to join.

I'm not going to say that they should get divorced. I'm not going to say that the OP should, or should not give up diving to spend more time with wife. I will say that if only one side is making the sacrifices to save the relationship, it is eventually doomed to failure. I can't predict the future. I think there needs to be some counseling involved here. This marriage could last, and I hope it does.

FD

 

[mirrocraft]

tell your wife that your doc. said its good for your back to dive my doc. said its the best thing i can do of my back if she cares shell let you and support you

 

[tlawler]

I say get your priorities straight. Divorce the drunk, and go diving!

LOL...Now that's a woman that doesn't mince words.

 

[k4man]

Come on guys, say it aint so! What ever happened to communication and respect in a relationship?

I've got nothing against gifts and for the record, I do love getting flowers, but when in a relationship I wouldn't expect to be "paid" everytime he wanted to do something without me. Actually it's best if he has interests of his own.

A relationship needs a lotof give and take, but from both sides. Not one giving and the othertaking. Yes sacrifice is important in a relationship, but as far as I'm concerned nothing nor nobody is worth sacrificing yourself for.

No wonder I'm single :shakehead

I have been married for 20 years now (to the SAME woman ). As a NEVER TO BE DIVER, she has called diving "throwing money in the ocean" and has also suggested that she spend the same amount for whatever as I do for diving. I'm not sure if this is a jealousy thing or just a financial issue. It is difficult for her to spend over $20 on a pair of tennis shoes, however, if that gives you the picture. She would rather -- in her mind -- buy a cheap-o $5 pair that hurts her feet, gives her no support and a back ache than pair $40-50 or so for a decent pair. While her "thriftiness" is helping with my scuba purchases it is still an issue.

Yes, love you dear :10: but find your own hobby if you don't want to join mine!!!

 

[coach_izzy]

I've just recently gotten the diving bug, certified as of July 30th of 2006 and have 29 dives in so far. My deepest to date is the Oriskany at 135fsw. All I read about and think is when and where can I dive next. I fortunate that I work at home doing my custom woodworking and daytrading and am able to do my passion atm. I make decent money and as of late spend it mostly on diving.

But the wife isn't a diver nor will she ever be, she hates the water and things under the water. But lately my diving has gotten in her way it seems. I just returned from a 2 week vacation from Florida diving the Oriskany and a cple other wrecks off of Clearwater and am now going on a cruise Oct 1st. I'm diving 3 of the 4 island we spot at including PR from which we depart. She wants to do booze cruises and crap I could care less about and the normal crowd we cruise with isn't going this trip. Basically it's all her younger friends (30 and below) that are going. Party guys of which I really dont want to do, I'd rather dive.

So my question is how do most of you handle a non-diving spouse? Or justify your diving time? For me, it kinda bothers me, but not going into a whole lot of crap I would rather dive the half day then meet up with them later. For me I would rather see something unique than just spend the day drinking and miss a whole lot of wonderful sights U/W.

Edited: I quess it's a basic scuba question.....

After reading your question, the replies, and checking out your profile, I'm surprised nobody else has recommended you to start diving locally. New Jersey has some of the best diving in the world. Most of the wrecks have history (as in they were not put in there intentionally) and the more familiar you get with the area, the more you can start harvesting the riches of the ocean. Bugs, Scallops, mussels, etc. you name it.

Keep in mind that diving in our backyard requires gear that you may not have had the need to use before. Pony bottles, wreck reels, knives and cutters, lift bags, and such, are not optional pieces of gear. They're critical in New Jersey diving, as are the skills to use them properly. The training required to learn them will make you a better diver.

You can also try joining the local dive clubs. You will find plenty of leads in instruction and point you in the right direction to help you discover the local diving.

Yeah, I'm married to a non-diver as well. I found the local diving to help bring a good balance. I get to dive, but I still get home early enough to rinse the gear end enjoy a night out with the wife.

Give the local diving a shot, there's still plenty of time left in the season. If you really love diving that much, you will appreciate what we have so close to us. Good luck!

 

[Cacia]

Great advice Izzy.

Bob, you must have some novel perspectives on this by now. Just goes to show that good dive buddies are hard to come across.