This is turning into more of a marriage counseling session than a diving advice thread. It sure sounds like you have some issues that have nothing to do with diving that need some serious resolution, and I suspect that deep down inside you really know that and want someone to tell you that.
I have been married for 34 years. We have had our not so fine moments, as all have, but it is a happy marriage that is not going to end in the foreseeable future. Perhaps a discussion of how we deal with the diving problem will illustrate.
My wife and are are lucky in that we do most things together. We both play golf, for example, and she likes it more than I do. We rarely play separately.
Diving is another issue. A series of ruptured eardrums (illnesses) in earlier years make her afraid to even try diving. She does, however, enjoy vacationing in places where there is diving--like Cozumel, the Caymans, etc. She snorkels. When we plan vacations, she is willing to go to such places. This is something of a compromise, because she is pretty eager to go to Germany and other such locales not famous for Manta Rays. In return, I don't make it a true dive vacation. I get in plenty of diving, but I make sure we have plenty of non-diving time together. I will also make sure we take a vacation real soon to a place she really wants to vist more than I, a place with no diving.
Sometimes the willingness to compromise has surprise benefits. My wife handled the travel arrangments when we visited the Australia/New Zealand area, and to my surprise she scheduled four nights on a liveabooard on the barrier reef. It was a gift to me. Well, she had a great time! The snorkeling 60 miles off the coast of Australia is the best she had ever experienced, and the trip was a highlight for her as well as me. You never know.
OK, so that's cool, but it's easy. Here is where we have issues that are no so easy.
I am currently working in a job that allows me a lot of flexibility in time. She does not. Consequently, I have had some opportunities for individual dive trips. I went to Thailand for two weeks last year. I leave for nearly three weeks to Yap and Chuuk in a couple of weeks. These trips were not made lightly. We talked it over at great length. We realized that when she retires (maybe next year), things will be different. When I had an opportunity to go with friends to a Dive Mecca like Yap/Chuuk while she was working, it seemed like an ideal time to do it--let's face it, she would not want to go on that trip. So she was very giving on that one, and I am doing my best to make sure that I give in return.
The other problem is my instructing. Living in Colorado, I can't just grab my tanks and head for the beach. The little instructing I do helps fulfill my dive needs, but it does irritate her when I am in the pool working on a weekend when she wants to do something else--like play golf. I have to be aware of that, and try to make reasonable compromises.
So that's what it is all about. We are not perfect at this, but she realizes I really like diving, and she tries to do what she can to accommodate those needs. I realize that she has other needs and desires and I try to accommodate them. Neither one of us tries to push our agenda on the other to the extent that we cross the line.
From what you have written, I am not sure your marriage has that understanding. I think that is what you need to work on.
Also remember the immortal words of Dave Barry:
"There is a fine line between hobby and insanity."
I have been married for 34 years. We have had our not so fine moments, as all have, but it is a happy marriage that is not going to end in the foreseeable future. Perhaps a discussion of how we deal with the diving problem will illustrate.
My wife and are are lucky in that we do most things together. We both play golf, for example, and she likes it more than I do. We rarely play separately.
Diving is another issue. A series of ruptured eardrums (illnesses) in earlier years make her afraid to even try diving. She does, however, enjoy vacationing in places where there is diving--like Cozumel, the Caymans, etc. She snorkels. When we plan vacations, she is willing to go to such places. This is something of a compromise, because she is pretty eager to go to Germany and other such locales not famous for Manta Rays. In return, I don't make it a true dive vacation. I get in plenty of diving, but I make sure we have plenty of non-diving time together. I will also make sure we take a vacation real soon to a place she really wants to vist more than I, a place with no diving.
Sometimes the willingness to compromise has surprise benefits. My wife handled the travel arrangments when we visited the Australia/New Zealand area, and to my surprise she scheduled four nights on a liveabooard on the barrier reef. It was a gift to me. Well, she had a great time! The snorkeling 60 miles off the coast of Australia is the best she had ever experienced, and the trip was a highlight for her as well as me. You never know.
OK, so that's cool, but it's easy. Here is where we have issues that are no so easy.
I am currently working in a job that allows me a lot of flexibility in time. She does not. Consequently, I have had some opportunities for individual dive trips. I went to Thailand for two weeks last year. I leave for nearly three weeks to Yap and Chuuk in a couple of weeks. These trips were not made lightly. We talked it over at great length. We realized that when she retires (maybe next year), things will be different. When I had an opportunity to go with friends to a Dive Mecca like Yap/Chuuk while she was working, it seemed like an ideal time to do it--let's face it, she would not want to go on that trip. So she was very giving on that one, and I am doing my best to make sure that I give in return.
The other problem is my instructing. Living in Colorado, I can't just grab my tanks and head for the beach. The little instructing I do helps fulfill my dive needs, but it does irritate her when I am in the pool working on a weekend when she wants to do something else--like play golf. I have to be aware of that, and try to make reasonable compromises.
So that's what it is all about. We are not perfect at this, but she realizes I really like diving, and she tries to do what she can to accommodate those needs. I realize that she has other needs and desires and I try to accommodate them. Neither one of us tries to push our agenda on the other to the extent that we cross the line.
From what you have written, I am not sure your marriage has that understanding. I think that is what you need to work on.
Also remember the immortal words of Dave Barry:
"There is a fine line between hobby and insanity."
I would say there is a hole in your marriage that needs to be fixed, and if you dont someone will. " I know been there" divorce is not an option here you love her then fight. If you have a problem with the drinking tell her. Maybe you can cut back on the diving and try something that she enjoys to. Now dont give up on your dreams of diving just cut back. Find a half way point that you guys can meet in the middle. Now if she wont talk find a good counselor that will be the middle man as it were. Just sit a talk dont get mad or give up tell how you feel and let her talk and listen. Just my $1.25 hang in there 
