Non-diver spouse??!!

[akscuba]

Ouch. This is quite a problem--I'm happy to say I can't relate, at least as far as diving goes (S.O. LOVES diving and we got into it together), but I've been part of my fair share of disagreements over how to share time when interests differ.

She doesn't like diving and you don't want to hang out on the cruise and drink--have you talked to her about a compromise? Is there a cruise the two of you can go on together where you can still dive while she hangs out with her friends? Maybe you won't be able to go on many live-aboard dive trips, but you could take cruises to places with really interesting things going on above ground too! She could shop in the morning while you dive? Or maybe you could dive some days, and take other days off to do something with her like take in the above water sights? I love the fishies, but there are places that have cool things to see above ground too

Another trick you can try--get into underwater photography, take GORGEOUS photos, and show them to her. She may not like the water, but I'm sure she'll want to share your interest with you--find a way to share it with her that *doesn't* involve her getting into a wetsuit and maybe she'll be more understanding of your passion!

Good luck!

 

[Tanker299]

This is how I deal with it....I go diving, come home and get the evil eye and silent treatment. It passes eventually...then repeat process the next time.

Oh, my [insert favorite Diety here] !!!!

It's not just me, whew :11:

But wait, there's more ...

Me: I should go diving more often
SO: Yes, you should, it would be good to go out and enjoy what you like doing
Me: Yes, I have already planned a trip to [somewhere local] this weekend
SO: Oh? You already planned a trip?
Me: Yes, I figured since you had plans this weekend I would just go and ...
SO: Hmmmmm, fine!

Fast forward to the night before the dive:

Me: OK, I'l all ready to go
SO: Listen, I was wondering, why don't we do something together this weekend?
Me: Uh? But ...
SO: You "always" go diving ...
Me:

 

[Lancelot]

It seems to me that your diving experiences have only existed for a few months... and she is already giving you a hard time about it? If she does not want to dive then fine. When she wants YOU to not dive then I start to say hmmm... Are you diving so much that you are failing to live up with family commitments? With such a short diving career it seems doubtful to me. You will need to truly be the judge of that question. I would also have a problem with "booze cruise" friends who are 30 or younger. That just seems a little too unstable of a situation for my taste. I don't believe for one second that a spouse has to dive just because I do... but at the same time I would definitely feel very let down if my spouse wanted me to give up diving just because they don't want to do it. Is your wife going down this road? What are your thoughts?

Lance

I've just recently gotten the diving bug, certified as of July 30th of 2006 and have 29 dives in so far. My deepest to date is the Oriskany at 135fsw. All I read about and think is when and where can I dive next. I fortunate that I work at home doing my custom woodworking and daytrading and am able to do my passion atm. I make decent money and as of late spend it mostly on diving.

But the wife isn't a diver nor will she ever be, she hates the water and things under the water. But lately my diving has gotten in her way it seems. I just returned from a 2 week vacation from Florida diving the Oriskany and a cple other wrecks off of Clearwater and am now going on a cruise Oct 1st. I'm diving 3 of the 4 island we spot at including PR from which we depart. She wants to do booze cruises and crap I could care less about and the normal crowd we cruise with isn't going this trip. Basically it's all her younger friends (30 and below) that are going. Party guys of which I really dont want to do, I'd rather dive.

So my question is how do most of you handle a non-diving spouse? Or justify your diving time? For me, it kinda bothers me, but not going into a whole lot of crap I would rather dive the half day then meet up with them later. For me I would rather see something unique than just spend the day drinking and miss a whole lot of wonderful sights U/W.

Edited: I quess it's a basic scuba question.....

 

[rhyz]

To word this carefully Lancelot....she is right in line with her younger friends in the party mode, more than enough each weekday, hence the problems. It hasn't been an issue on my weekend dives because I'm only gone for a day......but after a couple of chats and my single vacations to dives things have changed. Her outlook is "well your off here and there partying". LOL But we all know as divers...drink and diving dont mix so I dont party on my dive vacations......or atleast not when I have a dive then next day. But on the other hand she has been to HI, 3 cruises, and Aruba twice without me. Whatever...you got time...go.

And yes it is a short career so far, only 2 months, but once I got that reg in my mouth and was u/w in the pool for the 1st time...I was hit. No looking back...this is me. And the way things have been and are going.....I'd be prefectly happy on an island by myself helping others to find the same passion I have for this sport with no regrets.

 

[rhyz]

Oh, my [insert favorite Diety here] !!!!

It's not just me, whew :11:

But wait, there's more ...

Me: I should go diving more often
SO: Yes, you should, it would be good to go out and enjoy what you like doing
Me: Yes, I have already planned a trip to [somewhere local] this weekend
SO: Oh? You already planned a trip?
Me: Yes, I figured since you had plans this weekend I would just go and ...
SO: Hmmmmm, fine!

Fast forward to the night before the dive:

Me: OK, I'l all ready to go
SO: Listen, I was wondering, why don't we do something together this weekend?
Me: Uh? But ...
SO: You "always" go diving ...
Me:

LOL I feel your pain....

 

[Oyster Diver]

Tanker299 I've had almost the same conversation except I asked to go MONTHS in advance and then hours before I leave she wants me to cancel. This happens for EVERY dive. AAHHHHHHH! I had a dive scheduled for last monday that was cancelled due to poor vis. My wife got the message and I swear her feet didn't touch the floor for five hours she was so happy I wasn't going.

Anyway, since my wife doesnt dive (and hates that I do), I try to do dives during the week so I dont take as much time away from her. The added benefit to this is I dont fight beach traffic driving to the beach. I know it doesnt help you for the cruise, but living in New Jersey you have a lot of dive boats to choose from and you could probably do lots of midweek dives and be home before your wife. It is a different kind of diving and the season is almost over, but it is something to consider.

Best of luck and if you find a solution (other than divorce) please let me know.

 

[Divmstr223]

My favorite line (really not my favorite) is "Must be nice to live the bachelor life".

Mind you, I get out to go diving like once every 2-3 months anymore if I'm lucky. ugh!!

 

[AZ Desert Diver]

I'm in the same boat! It is rough sometimes, but what I do is she her on her own vacation and then I go diving! Just like today, I booked her for a Cleveland Browns vs. Steelers football game. She got a really nice hotel, airfair and game tickets, so what did I do...I booked next week in Key Largo for 9 day with nothing but diving! Sometimes you just have to send them out on there own and there is nothing wrong with that.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

My fiance does not dive but loves to be around divers. She goes with me on most every trip unless it's too cold or the boat is too small for her wheelchair. She encourages my diving and has supported it all the way. She has been having some medical difficulties lately and I've cancelled out on some pool sessions and one trip to the lake to be with her. Yet she did not say one negative thing when I went to brockville the next weekend on a trip I'd planned months in advance. This weekend will probably be her last weekend at the lake for this year unless we have a really warm weekend next month or even into november. I'll get more dives in but out of respect for her they'll be day trips instead of for the whole weekend. What does she get out of this? Well besides shiny things made out of silver and diamonds on a fairly regualar basis to the point where she's asked me to stop because she's afraid they'll get lost or stolen, she get s the following. To spend time with some of the nicest people in the world, who geuninely care about us, treat her like a queen, and make sure there is always somebody with her when I'm under even if it's just to BS. To have a whole weekend away with me and our friends joking, laughing, traveling, and being crazy. I work all week and she is more or less stuck at home unless her aide takes her shopping or something. She has the computer and her mom and family but when the weekend comes or I'm on day shift she's ready to get out of the house. Neither of us nor our friends drink during these times. Oh a couple of em may have a beer or two or glass of wine at the end of the day but if it were to get to the point where they were getting drunk we'd leave or they'd be asked to. As you said drinking and diving don't mix. Plus I see too many people who seem to have an allergic reaction to booze. They break out in "stupid". I prefer not to be around it or them because once it starts you can't fix stupid. My second wife liked to drink. To the point where it came time to make a choice. My sanity or her. I left and have never been happier. I don't worry about coming home to little miss nice or God-freaking-zilla with an attitude. I don't have to tiptoe because somebody's sick and puking or got a headache that is made worse by the sound of my breathing. Towards the end it got kinda fun to drop a pot or a handful of silverware when emptying the dishwasher. I also did not like the "friends" who thought there was something wrong with me for not getting sheetfaced at every function. This thread has brought back alot of stuff. Sorry for the ramble. Short version, IMO, for every person that does not like diving or being around divers, there is someone who does. I just happened to find a great one. I hope all of you can be as blessed because it has nothing to do with luck. Mine has never been that good. This is a gift.

 

[RJP]

Edited: I quess it's a basic scuba question.....

Dude, you do NOT have a scuba problem. Scuba is a symptom of a whole different problem altogether.

Seriously.

You say "it's not like I'm missing quality time with her" while you're away.

If the time you are missing would NOT have been "quality time" then you've got a whole different issue going on, and it has nothing to do with diving. Figure it out, lest you become a Non-spouse diver!