Post your funny/clean jokes here...

[mike_s]

Two Engines
A large two engine train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half-power. Further on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill. The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement: "Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that this is a train and not a plane."

 

[kittyjg]

Three hard-of-hearing friends were golfing.
One said "Sure is windy."
The next one said "No, I think it's Thursday."
The last one said, "so am I, let's head to the bar."

 

[SteveDiver]

A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded
>>above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have
>>TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will
grant you one wish."
>>The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
>>over anytime I want." The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic. think
>>of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports
>>required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it
>>would take!
>>It
>>will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is

>>hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more
>>time and think of something that would honor and gl! orify me."
>>
>>The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I

>>wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside,
>>what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries,
>>what she means when she says nothing is wrong, and how

>>I can make a woman truly happy."
>>
>>The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

 

[greengullypony]

2 men were marooned on an ice-berg
1st man says "yipee were saved"!
2nd man says "how do you know"?
1st man replies "here comes the TITANIC"

 

[SteveDiver]

A DOG'S DIARY:
> Dogs Diary

>7 am - Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
>8 am - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
>9 am - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
>Noon - Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
>2 pm - Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
>3 pm - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
>4 pm - Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
>6 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Mom! My favorite!
>7 pm - Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favorite!
>8 pm - Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
>9 pm - Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favorite!
>11 pm - Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favorite!
>
>
>A CAT'S DIARY:
>
>Day 183 of my captivity. My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre
>little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
>forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope
>of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture.
>Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today I tried to kill my captors
>by weaving around their feet while they were walking. I almost succeeded
>- must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and
>repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on
>their favorite chair - must try this on their bed.
>
>I decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt
>to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear in
>their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little
>cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of
>gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
>event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More
>important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of
>inducing "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my
>advantage.
>
>I'm convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches.The
>dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is
>obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an
>informant and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my
>every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety
>is assured. But I can wait; it is only a matter of time.

 

[SteveDiver]

This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious. Once you find
him - it's embarrassing, and you think, Why didn't I see him immediately?

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3
seconds, your right half of your brain is better developed than most
people.

If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, your right half of
the brain is developed normally. If you find the man between 1 minute and 3
minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you
need to eat more protein. If you have not found the man after 3 minutes,the
advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of
the brain stronger!!!

And, yes, the man is really there!!! HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU????

 

[Fish_Whisperer]

HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU????

About twenty seconds.

 

[Fly N Dive]

about 2 seconds after the pic finished loading

 

[stiebs]

I gave up after a minute. Then I had my morning coffee. And then I saw him straight away. What does that say about my brain?

 

[chip104]

"knock knock"

"who's there"

"Interrupting cow"

"Interrupting cow w-"

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

^^^ Guaranteed to make even the most tight assed people laugh at a party.