Question about men only dive trips
- Thread starter squidgy
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pennypue
Contributor
squidgy:
New husband?
I'm with Merlin.....I need to understand the cost situation. I think you mean (as a VERY good wife) that you can't afford for the boyz to all go alone, THEN for a second trip where BOTH the husbands and the wives go. Am I correct?
If so, FORGET THE BOYZ. The second trip is a chick only trip. And make sure you take one token male with you. Tell your husbands 'he's needed'. Let 'em wonder.
StSomewhere
Contributor
I could see this guy being freed up for *lots* of guys-only dive trips if only he gets to to on an exotic, once in a lifetime dive trip like Galapagos, Cocos Island, etc.
if only he gets to to on an exotic, once in a lifetime dive trip like Galapagos, Cocos Island, etc.squidgy:
Is that what he told you....LOL. "Men's only" things are when men go and do things they agree to keep a secret. That doesn't necessarily mean there are no women....just no women they know.....
OK, just kidding.... If it's really a goal of yours then plan to go with the diver wives and have your own holiday at the same time but on another dive charter..... You're entitled to equal treatment so ask for it.
Remember, the first rule of negotiation is to ask for what you want, not for what you think the other party wants to give you.
And if there's still a budget issue then next year he stays home and you go.
R..
StSomewhere
Contributor
The first rule is to ask for more than you want. Gives you a little slack to compromise with.Diver0001:
Even_Stephen
Registered
Perspective of a happily married 45-year old man who is fast approaching his 10th anniversery:
1. Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, then you need to get that situation square whether this trip happens or not.
2. There is something wrong with what you are saying about finances. If it costs, say, $5,000 for him to go on the Galapagos trip and $10,000 if you both go, then why won't it end up costing the same total if you go on a women-only trip the week after he gets back?
3. Is it possible that you either can't get a women-only trip together for the Galopagos or else there is some other reason you don't want to do so? If that is the case, then he needs to go with you. Either along with the other men or else he skips the men's trip and goes just with you.
4. Is it possible that he's looking for a reason not to go on this trip with the boys? Maybe he would rather go with you.
5. Is it possible that you are doing things that make him want to get away from you?
6. Is it possible that you don't really want to go but you don't want him to either for financial or other reasons?
Personally, I'm not into "male bonding", but I do go visit my out-of-town best friend on occasion and I sometimes go on a gambling trip with my brother. Wife goes on girls' night out occasionally and went to a spa with a girlfriend once. We just really like doing stuff together. My wife gives me all the space I want, but I never take it.
And another thing: Let me just tell you that it doesn't take a men's trip out of town to give husbands an occasion to cheat. If he's going to cheat, he's already doing it.
Whatever happens, if he goes, it's not fair to pout, use mind games on him, withold sex, etc. If you don't want him to go, tell him and have a dang good reason for it.
1. Either you trust him or you don't. If you don't, then you need to get that situation square whether this trip happens or not.
2. There is something wrong with what you are saying about finances. If it costs, say, $5,000 for him to go on the Galapagos trip and $10,000 if you both go, then why won't it end up costing the same total if you go on a women-only trip the week after he gets back?
3. Is it possible that you either can't get a women-only trip together for the Galopagos or else there is some other reason you don't want to do so? If that is the case, then he needs to go with you. Either along with the other men or else he skips the men's trip and goes just with you.
4. Is it possible that he's looking for a reason not to go on this trip with the boys? Maybe he would rather go with you.
5. Is it possible that you are doing things that make him want to get away from you?
6. Is it possible that you don't really want to go but you don't want him to either for financial or other reasons?
Personally, I'm not into "male bonding", but I do go visit my out-of-town best friend on occasion and I sometimes go on a gambling trip with my brother. Wife goes on girls' night out occasionally and went to a spa with a girlfriend once. We just really like doing stuff together. My wife gives me all the space I want, but I never take it.
And another thing: Let me just tell you that it doesn't take a men's trip out of town to give husbands an occasion to cheat. If he's going to cheat, he's already doing it.
Whatever happens, if he goes, it's not fair to pout, use mind games on him, withold sex, etc. If you don't want him to go, tell him and have a dang good reason for it.
kywash,
what is "chuffed" ?
regards,
what is "chuffed" ?
regards,
StSomewhere
Contributor
From the English to American Dictionarysmokey braden:
chuffed adj. Someone who describes themselves as being chuffed is generally happy with life. You can also get away with saying you are unchuffed or dischuffed if something gets your back up. Make sure you only use this word in the correct tense and familiarise yourself with the meaning of the word chuff too.
chuff v. To chuff is to fart. Entirely seperate to the word chuffed so use with care.
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I think it's really rather simple ... if you really want to go you need to tell him so. Men aren't very good about reading a woman's intent ... expecially the woman he's married to. And if you're saying "really, it's OK" ... he's gonna take you at your word.
Men and women tend to look at things like this differently ... although it's a generalization, most men wouldn't see anything wrong with leaving their S.O. home on a trip like this, while most women would read a lot more into it than just the intent of the outing. He could be blissfully thinking what a great gal you are for letting him go without you, while at the same time you've got a growing resentment thinking that he doesn't want to take you along. Trust me ... the genders don't look at the same things the same way. You can't wait for him to figure it out ... be honest with yourself, then be open about it with him.
If you're not cool with him going without you, tell him so. Don't wait for him to figure it out. He may not do that until after he gets back and perceives that his home life is feeling a bit chilly ...
... Bob (Grateful Diver)
Men and women tend to look at things like this differently ... although it's a generalization, most men wouldn't see anything wrong with leaving their S.O. home on a trip like this, while most women would read a lot more into it than just the intent of the outing. He could be blissfully thinking what a great gal you are for letting him go without you, while at the same time you've got a growing resentment thinking that he doesn't want to take you along. Trust me ... the genders don't look at the same things the same way. You can't wait for him to figure it out ... be honest with yourself, then be open about it with him.
If you're not cool with him going without you, tell him so. Don't wait for him to figure it out. He may not do that until after he gets back and perceives that his home life is feeling a bit chilly ...
... Bob (Grateful Diver)
jepuskar:DrBill, as much as you love the ladies, you need to pay attention to what they have to say from time to time. She mentioned in her post that they can't afford for her to go later on.
I read her post as saying THEY couldn't afford to go later with the wives, meaning that she and her husband couldn't both go later... not that they couldn't afford to go individually. After all, she's talking about wanting to join them on this trip so I assumed there was enough $$$ for each of them to go once.
Yes, I love the ladies... but these are all diving wives and I draw the line with married women. I have to show some respect, after all (even if I don't get none myself!).
Diver0001- I don't see a "men's only" trip as suggesting their intention to do things they won't tell their wives about. Maybe that's because I don't do "men's only" stuff. After all, the Galapagos is NOT Las Vegas! OK, so they drink a little too much (on a dive trip?) and smoke a cigar or two (on a dive trip?). It's not like they're engaging in the sex slave business as one can do in Thailand (IF they were so inclined).
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