My husband & I just relocated to South Florida. To be honest, I HATE diving with him as he has no buddy skills what-so-ever. On our last night dive, I was trying to follow his light but lost him quite a few times. I'm tired of playing catch-me-if-you-can. I've discussed this with him to the point of nausea over the past 4 years. I'm extremely frustrated, especially now that we are living in a dive destination as I can only imagine it's going to get worse.
I think there're meaningful issues packed into that blurb that are worth unpacking. The great buddy debate is often had on Scuba Board, because there are a range of views on personal vs. interpersonal responsibility, risk tolerance and estimation, and perceived needs to adhere to commercial norms. Some expectation you have has been frustrated, leaving you angry, bitter and sick to your stomach over it. Let's take a quick look at that.
From what I've seen, buddy expectations (which vary according to training, individual personality, the dive conditions at hand and experience) seem to fall into rough groups:
1.) Dedicated Solo Diver; trained, goes diving alone.
2.) Same Day, Same Ocean - 2 guys enter together but don't pay much attention to each other. A pair of independent photographers are the stereotype.
1.) & 2.) are apt to be seasoned divers, not OW newbies.
3.) General Vicinity Buddies - can work okay in aquarium-like conditions (e.g.: Bonaire). These guys might be 20 feet apart looking at different stuff on the reef, but they look for and at each other occasionally, one is the nominal leader' and they will signal each other gas remaining and conduct the dive together. This 'loose' form of buddy diving is fine for some, but draws derisive criticism from others, and is a bad choice for harsher conditions like low-viz diving. Guide led group dives where everybody follows the guide are comparable to this style.
4.) 'Tight Buddy Technique - jumping to more of an extreme, this pair dives more 'in sync,' perhaps not straying much more than arm's length from each other. No helicoptering (one buddy higher in the water column, harder for the other to see), either could reach the other within a few seconds, either is likely to notice a problem in the other quickly, etc...
5.) GUE/DIR Team Diving - if it's the way I've seen described in some of TS&M's posts, I imagine it's racketed up another level. I'm gonna skip it here.
When conditions are quite good, amongst casual (often but not always vacation) divers, I suspect 3.) is very common. 4.) Is what I see advocated on Scuba Board, except by the self-reliant/solo crowd (and some of them advocate it, if buddy diving is the plan).
If you take a diver who's got 4.) expectations and drop her in the water with a 3.) diver, you're got a recipe for conflict.
The question is, what's hurting you about all this? Is it...
1.) Fear that you are only trained to buddy dive, and are in inordinate danger diving without tight buddy procedure?
2.) Fear that you 'owe' your buddy (however negligent he is) a 'duty of care,' and that his buddy negligence makes him high risk to die and you will live with self-imposed guilt that you 'should have done more.'
3.) Do you feel conscientiously bound to honor social norms - if you've been taught only buddy diving is acceptable, and only if done right, then 'doing it wrong' bothers you (some people have issues with breaking rules because they're rules).
Richard.
