Rescue vs Self-Reliant

[Nemrod]

Following, loosely albeit, the Rule of Thirds, the "pony" should be 1/3 of the main gas supply. The logic is that since you are reserving 1/3 for emergency use, 1/3 out and down and 1/3 back and up, then a pony of 1/3 of the main gas supply should be adequate. Since you cannot always exactly match 1/3 of the main supply with off the shelf cylinders, do not get anal, just get close. So for me since I dive a 63 main tank often for solo beach/shore dives planned for 60ish feet maximum depth or less, a 19 pony is plenty. For an 80, I will let you wrestle with what is closer to 1/3 and adequate, if I am going deep I would choose a 30 and if it is just a long, shallow(er) dive, a 19 is fine.

Shhhh, do not tell my solo instructor (I had my fingles crossed behind my back when I sore to Scouts Honor I would always carry a pony when solo), above 60 feet, I do not need a stink'n pony because I free dive that deep, the surface is my redundancy.

Rescue, sounds good, couple that with some first aid courses as many have suggested, a useful course. Now this solo thing, first, in Florida, good luck finding anyone who will honor the cert. Then, I have to say, solo is not something you learn in a canned course. Water confidence comes from experience, fitness and strong skill swimming ability and good skill sets. Get those things first, then, if you must, then take the solo course.

Your husband needs to stay closer to you. As much as I am about solo diving, if I am buddy diving, I am buddy diving. Or if the dive is guided I tell my wife to stay with the guide and I orbit her and him/her as I seek photo opportunities but I always have my eye on her. The distance I am comfortable leaving her depends on viz and the trust I have in the guide/DM. But I never take my eye off of her even if she thinks I do, I see her. I might assign her to a friend who I trust as her buddy. But if you are buddy diving, you should buddy dive.

N

 

[lowviz]

...//... But if you are buddy diving, you should buddy dive.

Sounds to me like that is the whole point, she is trying -he isn't...

 

[Storker]

The question is, what's hurting you about all this? Is it...

1.) Fear that you are only trained to buddy dive, and are in inordinate danger diving without tight buddy procedure?

2.) Fear that you 'owe' your buddy (however negligent he is) a 'duty of care,' and that his buddy negligence makes him high risk to die and you will live with self-imposed guilt that you 'should have done more.'

3.) Do you feel conscientiously bound to honor social norms - if you've been taught only buddy diving is acceptable, and only if done right, then 'doing it wrong' bothers you (some people have issues with breaking rules because they're rules).

"Fear"? Quite a bit of armchair psychologist work here.

What about:

4.) Irritation and frustration over the fact that after you have made an appointment to buddy dive, your buddy doesn't live up to the standards and procedures you have agreed on and repeatedly violates the 'plan your dive, dive your plan' practice.


I don't dive solo. It's not for me, I prefer a decent buddy (somewhat closer to your category 4 buddy than your category 3 buddy). I don't carry redundant gas, so my buddy's gas is my backup gas. I'm also aware that I'm a member of a demographic with an above-average risk of cardiovascular diseases (middle aged male), so in a worst case, my buddy can bring my dead body to the surface, bringing some closure to the ones I inadvertently leave behind. I definitely wouldn't call it "fear". To me this is sound risk assessment and a diving practice in concordance with my risk assessment and risk acceptance. I would - like the OP - be quite pi$$ed off if my buddy took off like she describes, not out of "fear", but because it wouldn't be 'plan your dive, dive your plan'. Plan and execute a solo dive, or a 'same day, same ocean' "buddy" dive, fine. Just find another "buddy", because that kind of diving isn't my cup of tea. Plan a buddy dive and take off solo? There's a big chance we won't dive together again. If it did happen more than once, I'd be seriously pi$$ed off, and you'd probably get to know it in no uncertain terms.

Does an attitude like this indicate a "fear" of "inordinate danger"?

 

[uncfnp]

Who the Hell leaves a 40 at home?! I'm always excited when I can sling a 40 rather than an 80...managing a 40 is basically the same weight as anything else (30, 19, whatever), whereas slinging an 80 (or 3-4 of them) is just no damn fun.

And that's fine for you but we are not talking about tech diving here or likely a diver of "manly" proportions. While I agree that a 40 and a 13 slung properly feels much the same underwater, on land the differences can be significant. I just can't see a reason to manhandle a larger, heavier tank on a crowded South Florida boat just to dive in the 60 to 100 range.

And if the OP is on a tech route, being familiar with 40s will help her when it comes to deco bottles.

True but it sounds that tech, if even in her future plans, is years away. A smaller bottle will suit her plans perfectly for the foreseeable future, will still provide her with a convenient choice for her rec dives even after she goes tech, could serve as an O2 bottle if she chooses, or would have good resale value. A win win all around.

The technique to sling a bottle and the procedures for dealing with said bottle are largely irrelevant of tank size. A smaller bottle will still give her good experience with slinging a tank.

 

[flots am]

And that's fine for you but we are not talking about tech diving here or likely a diver of "manly" proportions. While I agree that a 40 and a 13 slung properly feels much the same underwater, on land the differences can be significant. I just can't see a reason to manhandle a larger, heavier tank on a crowded South Florida boat just to dive in the 60 to 100 range.

The other difference is that on a rec dive, a 40 is likely to get left home as "too much stuff to bring", while a 19 generally makes it on to the boat.

flots.

 

[Nemrod]

Sounds to me like that is the whole point, she is trying -he isn't...

Nontheless in any relationship worth keeping there has to be an avenue of communication and for whatever reason that is not happening. There is another side to this, his! These guys need to work this out because it seems deeper than a simple dive plan gone wrong. Maybe they need to find different buddies and friends who can more similarly match each dive buddies interests.


N

 

[lowviz]

...//... Maybe they need to find different buddies and friends who can more similarly match each dive buddies interests.

Yes, and on that note it is often quite amusing to see just who the adrenaline junkies are.

 

[drrich2]

Storker:

"Fear"? Quite a bit of armchair psychologist work here.

No so much. I'm not presuming to know what the underlying causative issue is, but she herself said she's already sick to her stomach, and has argued with him to the point of nausea. So something's bothering her, big time, and it stands to reason the concern is rooted in some kind of fear. Could be a legitimate one! I'd like to know what it is.

What about:

4.) Irritation and frustration over the fact that after you have made an appointment to buddy dive, your buddy doesn't live up to the standards and procedures you have agreed on and repeatedly violates the 'plan your dive, dive your plan' practice.

But what's the root of the irritation and frustration? Is it a demand for rigid adherence to rules/agreements, a need to the dive to follow a rigid plan, fear of a gear malfunction leaving one out of gas with no buddy backup functionally at hand, and so forth. It's a given he's probably not following through with proper buddy procedure as she expects it. But that then is bothering her a lot for some reason(s). The why would be interesting. Is she scared for herself, for him, or for both?

I don't dive solo. It's not for me, I prefer a decent buddy (somewhat closer to your category 4 buddy than your category 3 buddy).

And here's where individual differences in worldview weigh in. You're more serious about the buddy system than average. He's less. She's probably somewhere in the middle, I'm guessing.

I'm also aware that I'm a member of a demographic with an above-average risk of cardiovascular diseases (middle aged male), so in a worst case, my buddy can bring my dead body to the surface, bringing some closure to the ones I inadvertently leave behind. I definitely wouldn't call it "fear". To me this is sound risk assessment and a diving practice in concordance with my risk assessment and risk acceptance. I would - like the OP - be quite pi$$ed off if my buddy took off like she describes, not out of "fear", but because it wouldn't be 'plan your dive, dive your plan'. Plan and execute a solo dive, or a 'same day, same ocean' "buddy" dive, fine. Just find another "buddy", because that kind of diving isn't my cup of tea. Plan a buddy dive and take off solo? There's a big chance we won't dive together again. If it did happen more than once, I'd be seriously pi$$ed off, and you'd probably get to know it in no uncertain terms.

Does an attitude like this indicate a "fear" of "inordinate danger"?

Sounds like fear is a loaded term for you, or you prefer to use it more conservatively than I am in this instance. Would 'concern' work better for you? When someone is physically ill due to psychological distress over a conflict, I think the term 'fear' is legitimate to use. It's not an insult, not does it imply a person is over-reacting. Some fears are legit.

Whether the danger is inordinate or not is a personal decision you make.

 

[SMAE]

"Fear"? Quite a bit of armchair psychologist work here.

What about:

4.)

Irritation and frustration over the fact that after you have made an appointment to buddy dive, your buddy doesn't live up to the standards and procedures you have agreed on and repeatedly violates the 'plan your dive, dive your plan' practice.

Exactly! Any perceived fear would come from my own inability to be self-reliant underwater. You can only depend on a buddy who is close enough to assist and capable of doing so in an emergency situation.

 

[lowviz]

...//... Exactly! Any perceived fear would come from my own inability to be self-reliant underwater. ...

Did you mean to say "safe"?

-yes, I'm teasing a bit. Only because I share that feeling. I'm not too big on trusting dive buds...