Hi wishihadgills,
There surely is such a thing as "dive boat etiquette."
Here is a humourous but very informative treatment of the matter from a past issue of "Rodale's Scuba Diving":
"our primer on proper boat diving etiquette, from scuba's foremost purveyor of propriety, enemy of ill manners and curse of the coarse.
Dear Crabby
Photography by Mark Lawrence; hair and makeup by Donnamarie
Gentle Reader,
As we all know, divers are more enlightened and civilized than those terrestrial troglodytes of our species. Yet, unfortunately there are swimming amoung us the boorish and buoyancy challenged; the dolts down below.
Nowhere are courtesy and decorum more important than the confines of a dive boat, and so on, to help the hopelessly gauche, I've collected these letters from divers, all dealing with dive boat etiquette. Read 'em and reap.
- Crabigale Van Burfish
(as imparted to Bob Friel)
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Dear Crabby,
Dive boats are often accused of running on "island time" when on many occasions, it's the divers themselves who cause a boat to fall behind schedule. Any anti-tardy tips?
Ollie Ferguson
VP of Dive Operations
UNEXSO, Grand Bahama
Dear Ollie,
"Fashionably late" is fine for a summer soiree but has no place where captains, crews and other divers are kept stewing at the dock. Divers should always:
Show up at the appointed time--at least 30 minutes before departure.
Remember to bring C-cards and a log book.
Know how much weight they need.
Know what rental gear they need.
Make sure tanks are full--whether their own or rentals. Fill private tanks the day before the dive.
Already have water and snacks--10 minutes before departure is not the time for a munchie mission.
Go through an equipment checklist while there is still time to get rental gear.
Ensure that all gear, private and rental, is in working order before the boat leaves the dock.
Set up their first tank before the boat starts moving.
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Dear Crabby,
Some divers seem to forget that dive boats actually move and that any gear not properly secured will fall and break: break other people's gear, break other people's body parts or even break the boat. We find divers being especially careless with weight belts.
Capt. Spencer Slate
Atlantis Dive Center
Key Largo, FL
Dear Capt. Slate,
Maybe the feeling of weightlessness under water makes divers forget about gravity ... or maybe they've hit the deck one too many times themselves. Either way, you and I know that any piece of gear placed above the deck and not secured will quickly find its way down to said deck--hard.
Every dive boat afloat has some procedure to secure tanks (usually bungee cords). Use it and never leave a tank unattended or unsecured.
Anything you value--land cameras, cell phones, sunglasses, small children--should be carried in protective cases and secured from both falling and exposure to salt water.
Weight belts belong only around your waist, on the deck beneath your seat or in a crate meant to hold them. Don't even think about putting them on top of a bench, engine cover or camera table.
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Dear Crabby,
I've fallen and I can't get up!
Helpless in Hoboken
Dear Helpless,
You've probably tripped over a thoughtless diver's gear. Most divers keep their equipment carefully stowed while aboard, but others spread around so many hoses, straps, belts, masks and rubber suits that it looks like an explosion at a fetish factory. For those take-up-too-much-space cadets:
On most dive boats, your personal space is a section of bench two tanks wide--plenty of room for all your basic gear.
Your BC and regulator should be set up on a tank as soon as you board.
Your mask should be either attached to your BC or in a protective case in your dive bag.
Your fins should be together, adjusted properly and accessible under your seat.
Small items: knives, lights, wreck reels, etc. should stay in your dive bag until you're ready to suit up.
Dive bags go under the seat and out of the way.
Exposure suits can stay in your dive bag, be secured to the top of your tank or be used as a seat cushion until needed.
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Dear Crabby,
We all know that when you screech, people listen. Sometimes it's not so easy for divemasters when they give their briefing--divers fiddle with gear or just kind of glaze over. Can you remind your readers how important it is for them to pay attention?
John Clamp and Capt. "Nemo" Thompson
Southern Cross Club, Little Cayman
Gentlemen,
You bring up Crabby's No. 1 rule of dive boat etiquette: Listen to the divemaster's briefing! I know all you world travelers are used to making origami gophers out of airsick bags while flight attendants give their safety spiel on water landings. But on a dive boat, you're paying to hit the water, so listen up and learn:
How to get on and off the boat.
Where the safety equipment lives.
Where to stow snacks and dry clothes.
How long a drive time till dive time.
What to expect on the dives.
A review of boat diving and buddy diving procedures.
Fishing and wildlife regulations.
How to work the marine head.
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Dear Crabby,
I recently did my first boat trip--loved it, except ... Down below in the cabin there was a small door that led to a dank, dark, fetid space. Was that the entrance to Hell?
Sissy Bidet
Flushing Meadows
Dear Sissy,
Just about. It sounds like you came perilously close to a marine head: the infernal contraption carried aboard boats for human waste treatment--a nightmare of valves and pumps designed to clog before leaving the factory and usually foul enough to keep Dear Crabby in a hover.
If you don't know--don't go! Always ask one of the crew how to operate the head. There are several designs, each calling for different flushing procedures.
Standard vulgar briefing: "Nothing goes in a marine head that you haven't eaten first."
Don't go into the head if you are seasick. You will get worse, much worse, and you'll start a chain reaction that will turn the boat into a floating cookie factory.
Always leave the head clean for the next victim.
Go before you leave the dock.
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Dear Crab Lady,
What's wid dese underwooder photographers? Camera crap all over da place, dey think dey own the whole boat or what? What's up wid that?
Izzy Droolin
Philly
Dear Izzy,
Your eloquent query posits a compelling issue. Photography/videography is an ever more popular activity for divers and, although they don't own the whole boat, practitioners do invest thousands of dollars in delicate, water-phobic equipment. Proper etiquette calls for all parties to respect one another's space and property.
Photographers:
Pack equipment in hard cases you can work out of, i.e., Pelican-type cases, coolers or milk crates.
Photo gear should be kept in the designated area (camera table, forward deck, below) if provided, or beneath your seat and out of the way of other divers.
Camera gear should be set up before the boat leaves the dock and then put back into the protective cases to prevent damage from falling dive gear and falling divers.
The divemaster's "Dive!" command is the wrong time to ask around for a crew member to hand you your camera. Ask at the briefing and specify which end to hold if you don't want some Neanderthal to innocently unscrew your 15mm before handing it into the water.
At the ladder after the dive, seasoned photographers (those who've had floods and scratched domes) ask the divemaster handling their camera to place it on the camera table or on the deck--not into the rinse bucket. Collect the camera ASAP and rinse it yourself by hand.
Change film quickly and replace gear into hard cases safely away from drips.
Take pictures of other divers and send them the shots.
Other divers:
If there is a camera area, don't use it for making sandwiches, changing diapers or as a convenient spot to store open cans of cola, suntan lotion or your wet laundry.
If the boat has a camera rinse bucket don't use it to wash scuba gear or, God forbid, your wetsuit.
Cameras are most vulnerable when open to change film. Shaking yourself dry like a soggy sheepdog will not be appreciated at this time.
If there is a pro photographer on board and you hope to get pictured in a magazine, do not wave at the camera.
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Dear Crabby,
What is the correct protocol when a large group of divers is trying to get back up on the boat at the same time?
Wendy Myturn
Monterey
Dear Wendy,
As much as Dear Crabby likes to lounge on the ladder blowing out her sinuses and letting bubbles from the divers below float up and tickle her fancy, I must say that it is not proper dive boat etiquette.
On anchored boats:
Ascend to the safety line and inflate your BC enough to float comfortably at the surface.
If another diver is on the ladder, hang on the line until it's your turn.
Do not take your fins off on the float line unless you want to entertain the boat crew.
Keep your regulator in, your fins on and your mask in place while you get a stable grip on the ladder. Ascend à la dive briefing.
On drifting boats:
Ascend in buddy teams or groups. Get buoyant on the surface.
Stay together and wait for the boat. Don't try to swim to it.
While awaiting your turn to board, stay close and drift with the boat. Be alert in case the captain needs to maneuver, and pay attention to the divemaster.
Approach the ladder only when given the OK--and then do it quickly.
On any boat:
Never approach the ladder until the diver in front of you is off the platform and can't fall back onto your head.
Graciously thank whoever helped haul your butt up the ladder.
Quickly clear the platform so those behind you can ascend.
Collect your fins if they are not still in your hands.
Carefully shuffle to your spot on the bench, sit and remove your tank, stow all gear out of the way.
Blow your nose.
Help other divers.
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Dear Crabby,
Aaaaaaah!
Stuck in Truk
Dear Stuck,
Good point! Spearguns should never, ever be loaded, strung, sprung or charged on a dive boat. Great Wet Hunters should swim far away from the boat and away from other divers before setting up their fishka-bobber. And remember, spearguns don't shoot people--morons do.
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Dear Crabby,
Heeeere's Johnny!
Nick L. Sun
Somewhere At Sea
Dear Nick,
Put down the ax. You're just experiencing Dear Crabby's Principle of Confined Contraction: All live-aboard boats shrink at a rate of five feet per day--twice that rate if there's an insurance salesman on board. Live-aboard trips are the diving world's truest test of civilization: good groups have the experience of their lives, bad groups make Lord of the Flies look like "Romper Room." A few hints:
All relationships should be crash-tested before signing on as cabin mates.
Learn to share and play well with others.
Be noise-conscious: On a live-aboard, everyone can hear you scream.
Cross purposes = crossed swords: Most people take live-aboards for the intensive diving. If you want one or two dives a day and a party all night, stay at a land-based resort.
After four or five dives a day, people are tired--late-night clog dancing on the sundeck is a capital offense.
Do not monopolize the stereo or VCR.
Diving doesn't count as showering.
When someone is reading a book you can assume they want to be left alone; when they brandish mace, you can be sure.
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Dear Crabby,
Could you please remind your readers just how hard live-aboard crews work for their guests and how, along with a safe and exciting diving vacation, they provide all the services and amenities of a restaurant and hotel. Too many divers forget to take care of the staff that has taken care of them all week.
Capt. Tom Guarino
Sea Fever Diving Cruises
Miami Beach
Dear Capt. Tom,
Deep divers, shallow pockets? Say it isn't so! OK deadbeats, listen up: Resorts all over the world now add up to 15 percent on top of your bill to cover service and gratuities. Guess what a live-aboard is? Right, a floating dive resort. How much would you tip on land for 21 meals, seven nights maid service (which includes cleaning the heads) and having a personal valet help you dress and carry your gear about 25 times? Dear Crabby suggests you tip 10 to 15 percent of the boat fee to the crew. Set the cash aside when you book the cruise so it won't seem like such a hit at the end. This goes for day boats too!"
Hope this getsyou started.
DocVikingo