Funny things heard on the dive boat

So a few weeks ago during the surface interval I heard a couple of tourist diver talking to each other and their conversation went something like this:
Her (looking down at her console): “Do you know how to read one of these computers? What’s these tick marks running up the side of the computer mean?”
Him(Was looking at his gages): Looks quickly at hers, back to his, back to hers and then finally back to his. Thinks for a moment and says “I don’t know, but it’s 84 degrees.”
Me: Made mental note and moved to another part of the boat.
I know many of you have seen/heard things far funnier and I wanted to hear about them. If you have a good “Funny things heard on the dive boat” please share.

I am sure heard far more than once "Where do I throw up" 10 people in unison "Over the back of the boat"

I don't about heard, but visually this one is at the top of my list...

Diving with a dive operator out of Moorehead City on one of those boats that carry 20 divers. There are those two guys. One is this big guy, not fat, but just big and he dive buddy who is physically half his size who is on two canes. He clearly has something wrong with his legs. Turns out they are down from NY. They are both Polish (not significant). They have a heavy accent, which made their recount of some NY **** Sub all that harder to understand.

Getting ready for the dive and the disabled fellow had positioned himself next to one of the exits. He has his double tanks, his slung pony, his Manta Green Force lights and his scooter. Didn't wear fins, just used his scooter.

We get the green light and he just rolls in. His buddy then jumps in after him.

We were on the Aeolus. I think I was on the stern section port side and I hear this humming coming at me. I look up and the guy with the scooter was making a bee line straight for. He stops right in front of me. Using his hand, both of them, he makes the field goal symbol for 'big fish' (I don't know what the actual hand signal is for that).

Apparently he didn't properly shut off his scooter and it takes off with him attached.

It yanked him straight at the wreck. Fortunately there was an open doorway or he would have crashed straight into the wreck. He just disappeared. A second later I see his buddy come of the top of the wreck. I point into the hole, the door, he give me the okay, turns on his light and then he too disappears into the wreck. All as if this was a normal day of diving for him.

Passenger: "Ooh, I need to swap my computer out for the second dive!"

Crew member: "Uh, why's that?"

Passenger: "There's something wrong with this one, so I always swap it out for my other one. Whenever I do two dives in a row with it it starts beeping like crazy when I ascend from the second dive."

My favorite so far was: "Anybody have a wrench?" from a guy who had mounted his tank backwards and couldn't figure out why the hoses didn't come out in the right places.

Terry

Search function...

http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/basic-scuba-discussions/228336-funniest-diving-quotes-you-have-heard.html

Apparently he didn't properly shut off his scooter and it takes off with him attached.

Click to expand...

that's pretty funny.

diving without fins just because you have a scooter is not really safe though. I mean what if the scooter fails?

one boat you had to put on a roster who your dive buddy was.....

one guy put on there "Jesus". (meaning he was diving solo).


The Dive Master goes through the list and does a name call, finally calling out Jesus and no one answers, then goes "ok... who put Jesus down as their dive partner and where is he?"

mike_s:

that's pretty funny.

diving without fins just because you have a scooter is not really safe though. I mean what if the scooter fails?

Click to expand...

He couldn't walk so I imagine fins weren't much used to him. Anyway that is what his buddy was for. This guy was big enough that he could have easily picked up his buddy in full gear, scooter and all, and carried him out of the water. Big guy.

I've got a video of that dive. I should put it on youtube. There is one clip in it where you can hear the scooter coming and Steph (the videographer) turns her head, and video, just to catch him on video turning at the last minute.

This was also the same dive that while that I thought the boat blew up. I was making my way down the anchor line and I hear this massive explosion. I probably blew 500psi. I'm expecting to look up and see the boat or a blown SCUBA tank falling down. Nothing. Continue down and get on the wreck. All of a sudden the DM come flying by me with his spear gun pointing straight ahead as he was chasing a pompano or something. Then an even bigger explosion. The DM was using a bang stick, legal in NC. Scared the crap out of me. Fortunately I was diving wet.

Forgot about this one...

"What do you mean the anchor line isn't tied off to the boat?" As we watch the 300ft of rope, attached to the 10ft of chain, and the anchor disappear below the surface.