I hope its ok for men to post here as I have only read just a few threads. Ive seen this thread pop up occasionally and took a stab here or there to read, but usually always backed away as labeling women as co-dependent is not my cup of tea.
While I would love to know I always felt needed its not what Im looking for in a companion. Oddly enough with me is quite the opposite. The women of my choice would be one who I know could support herself, my children etc. just as well in my absence should something happen to me. Too often in life I feel spouses have fallen dependent upon males and is sometimes left with bitter realities of life afterweards. I hold the same values when I pick my dive companions.
How does this have anything to do with diving? Allot actually. I dive recreational, technical and oftentimes solo and feel Im a competent diver to meet my own needs. True Im overweight, aging, need a tug here and there on my dry suit, but for the most part I feel comfortable with taking care of things myself. I expect the same with my dive companions; I guess this is from being independent of any form of umbrella for the last 20 years. Im divorced now, and until I find the one where the gut tells me to make a move, will continue to live life alone my choice.
As a child growing up on our family farm, it was expected of me to greet family and guest with a firm handshake, and a sir or maam, anything less was simply unacceptable. Growing up, till the very day I placed my mom in the ground did I witness my dad and grandfather alike before he passed by showing respect to the females gender. Never was a time did my dad not first open the car door for my mom, or leave the house first w/o a greeting / going kiss. Dare I as a child, or teenager enter or leave my home w/o taking the time to give acknowledgement to my mother.
My purpose to this story is to convey my upbringing on how to respect the female companions I would later be associated with in life with. To this very day for family, friends, and occasionally if Im lucky a date do I take the time to walk the steps of my father and first open the door, or pull the chair for the ladies. Does this mean I think they are not capable of sitting their toosh down w/o my help? Not even close its a matter of having respect period!
My lifestyle carries over to my diving. We are taught from day one of our first open water class to be a good diving buddy. True are some of the remarks that many men are quick to act for a pretty gal appearing as if she needed help and many more who dont. I guess Ive even done it on several occasions myself where I failed to offer the same amount of courtesy to my male buddies. I guess sometimes youre just on your own. However for the most part I try to accommodate both as much as I can without overstepping and making them feel lesser of a person than I am.
Now, on the other hand, I do feel bad sometimes when I see divers fumbling around with dive gear, or struggling to complete the simplest task. Perhaps they are just having a bad day, or are using unfamiliar dive gear either ways sometimes Im reluctant to jump right in. Why? Well for one I want to know again; like my statement above that my partner is able to take somewhat care of themselves in a time of my absence if needed. How would they handle an emergency underwater if something were to happen to me? Would my emergency cause twice the problems by them not being able to mitigate the emergency for themselves? I use an example of a recent cave death as tragic as it may be of one diver who experienced a catastrophic emergency ending in a drowning deep in cave territory. I want to know 100% w/o hesitation that my dive buddy is completely competent to exit if needed with having to leave me behind in a timely a safe manner as to not cause further loss of life.
Now I kind of have to side step here for a moment. As many technical divers have experienced, while trying to achieve my goals have acquired rather a large amount of dive gear. To date Im embarrassingly gotten several thousand dollars of hard-earned money invested which I care not see damaged by a inexperienced diver who has not been taught proper gear techniques. Im very-very anal retentive about how my gear is treated. So with that said, sometimes I do tend to offer more assistance to some than others. I suppose its just what kind of mood Im in for the day, but for the more experienced crowd, I expect to only have to point to where I have the gear stored, and when the dive is completed not having to worry about policing the gear I loaned them. By then Im usually hot, tired, exhausted from carrying stages, scooters, deco cylinders etc. and really not interested in going behind to clean their mess. I would expect any diver using my gear to prep, use, clean and store every piece of my gear as if it is their own. While Im always there for my buddies, I dont wish to have to hold their hand every step of the way. When you need training wheels I will be there for you every step, but when you have been winged from the bosoms, its time to act accordingly male and female alike!
My whole point in this book between running 911 calls tonight is to say to please dont be offended if I offer to you my help. Perhaps I see your being tasked loaded in a way to cause you to be stressed to the point where I see a safety issue. I will always ask first, and then act accordingly if needed. If its not a safety issue, I may suggest and alternative way or just let you learn the tricks by the seat of your pants. It could be that I just want to make your dive more enjoyable by helping to assist you in lifting the 90lb set of doubles from the ground level Lord knows my 100lb set kicks my tail. Diving is meant to be fun, and when we take the fun element out of it, people start to get hurt.
In closing I will always strive to be a good diving companion to help my female buddies out. Sometimes I may act too fatherish, but in the end it is because I want OUR dives to be carried out safely, and for all involved to surface and say to themselves damn what a great dive that was.
Safe diving,
Kenny
