Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[GrumpyOldGuy]

I like the response I get when someone ask is the water cold when I am standing in my wetsuit....

I answer, not once I pee. I either get a chuckle or a very disturbed stare.

 

[CrackedConch]

Reminds me of the Third type of diver. We've all heard of the first two: Those who pee in their wetsuits and those who lie about it. The third type is a little strange: In order to get warm, they get closer to you when you pee in your wetsuit...

I like the response I get when someone ask is the water cold when I am standing in my wetsuit....

I answer, not once I pee. I either get a chuckle or a very disturbed stare.

 

[CrackedConch]

And...if you see the Divemaster or Instructor holding their second stage up out of the water while floating on the surface...it means they are 'going'...

 

[Atom]

Instead of BCD, Weights, Releases, Air, Final Ok for pre-dive safety check, another acronym for BWRAF is: Blond Women Really Are Fun (or Brunette)

Bangkok Women Really Are Fellas

or

Bruce Willis Ruins/Rules All Films

 

[Big G]

The good old days: When diving was dangerous and sex was safe.

a favorite diving quote, from The Deep:

Nick Nolte: There's treasure down there. I know. I've gotta look.

Jacqueline Bisset: You're so blind! You wouldn't see it if it was in front of you!

Nick Nolte: I feel things so I do them! That's the way I am!

Jacqueline Bisset: And you wind up with T-shirts!

Sounds like my wife looking in my closet.

Even better because Nick was wearing a T-shirt from a Mt. Everest expedition when she said that to him.

 

[jaymal]

Bangkok Women Really Are Fellas

or

Bruce Willis Ruins/Rules All Films

My favorite is: Because We Really Aren't Fish.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

(newbie drysuit diver) ... "This suit was a lot easier to get into when I tried it on".
(me) ... "The relief zipper's supposed to go in the front".


(different drysuit diver) ... "I don't know why I always cork like that".
(me, reaching over to crank open the dump valve) ... "I think I know what your problem is"
(air comes whistling out of the suit)
(diver) ... "How'd you figure that out?"?
(me) ... "You weren't barrel-chested when we started the dive".

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[CrackedConch]

We're going on a deep, night, wreck penetration dive with a buoyant ascent finish...

 

[BelchFire]

Overheard while gearing up next to an open water class this past weekend...

"We're going deeper than we did in the pool, so you'll need to use more weight."

Max
DSAT 198186

 

[stingray70]

Diving with a group of friends, one of the dive buddies had a new computer. He signaled one buddy over to look at his computer. The buddy signaled to go up. He shook his head no. He signaled to me to look at his computer. It was flashing "NO DIVE" over and over again. I signaled him to go up. Again he refused. When we were back aboard the boat, we learned he had not read the instruction manual, which pretty clearly stated he had missed a mandatory deco stop the dive previous, so the computer was in "NO DIVE" mode for the next 24 hours. Realizing that meant he would miss the special dive the next day, he complained that the computer had to be wrong, because he had dove the same profile as the rest of us. Bet hechecks his computer manual if he ever gets a new computer - luckily he didn't get bent.