Funny diving stories for the book I should write....

[TSandM]

We were on the deck of a dive boat in the British Virgin Islands, getting ready for our first dive of the trip, and Peter is desperately trying to struggle into his wetsuit, and is complaining that it's shrunk or something -- so, of course, we are razzing him about the whole "shrinking wetsuit" concept, when somebody finally realized that the suit he was trying so hard to put on was MINE.

As fairly novice cave divers, we had done a dive into Upper Orange Grove in Florida. On the way out, I managed to birds-nest my reel (one of the only times that's ever happened to me) and I could not for the life of me get it solved where I was, so I exited the cave by wrapping the line around the entire reel assembly as I went. We got out into the large open water basin at Catfish Sink, and Peter had the bright idea that we would spend some time in the shallows fixing the reel. So he took the end of the line, and began wrapping it between his hand and his elbow, the way you would roll up a rope . . . which worked great, until it slipped off his elbow. The next thing we knew, we had a hundred feet or so of bright yellow cave line floating loose around us. Needless to say, that was a MUCH bigger mess to clean up than the jammed reel would have been!

 

[MMM]

Rescue training is probably a rich source of material. When I was doing my rescue training and was performing the exercise of bringing an unconscious diver to shore, as I dragged my poor instructor up the beach (who has about 75 pounds or so on me), a group of people came rushing over to assist me. He did a "Lazarus" shouting "Don't help her." It got a laugh from everyone around us.

This just made my day .

There was once when my sister, 12 years old at the time, was doing her PADI Rescue Diver test. Being used to wearing integrated weights, she took off the instructors BCD without taking off his weights... It was interesting to say the least...

I was doing the PADI Rescue Diver test with my dad and we had to do a search pattern to find a "lost and unconscious" diver, our instructor. After about 5 minuets, we found him. As we swam to "rescue" him a large group of around 12 swam by and stopped (must have been doing their OW test). We almost took the wrong person up...

 

[fishi]

Here's a bunch
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/ba...36-funniest-diving-quotes-you-have-heard.html

 

[nimoh]

when I did my rescue certification, I dragged the DM out on my back, part way up the beach, thinking to myself holy crap is this guy heavy. Before I got too far, the instructor ended the exercise informing me that the victim's gear was still on.

 

[raftingtigger]

I brought a neoprene (7mm) drysuit to work with me so my co-worker could try it on. Well it was a little tight... We spent the next 5 minutes trying to take it off with my co-worker hanging on for dear life to the chair/walls/counter (the chair had wheels ) and me pulling on the boots. I think we spent more time laughing hysterically than we did on budging the suit.

 

[Harro10]

This is only tangentially dive related.
My (then) sixteen year old son attended a rather strict high school. He had to give a twenty minute lecture to his class on any topic so he choose scuba diving. He decided to give the lecture while completely geared up to add some dramatic (and comic) effect. He arranged with the teacher to be allowed to leave the classroom and go to the restroom down the hall to gear up prior to his demonstration. He geared up in the bathroom and exited into the supposedly empty hallway in full gear - fins, wetsuit, regs, mask and tank just as the extremely straight laced and strict school principal happened to be going by. The principal commanded him to stop. He then stared at my son for about five seconds and then said "I'm not even going to ask" and turned around and kept on walking.

 

[Christi]

I am sitting in the office one day and one of our divers walks in with her camera. She tells me,

Diver: "Pedro said that you are the camera expert on staff, so you could probably help me out with this."

Me: "sure, what do you need help with?"

Diver: "Well, as soon as I got down, the display went blank and the camera quit working."

Me: "I said, let me look at it" - so she hands me the camera and the first thing I do is open the battery and card compartment. There was water and already some corrosion going on.

Me: "It looks like your camera flooded. Which housing do you have and did you bring it wioth you? Did you see any water in the housing during the dive or when you removed the camera from the housing.?"

Diver: Looked at me as if I had 3 heads and 1000% serious said "What's a housing?"

I buried my head in my hands and said, "You're not kidding are you?"

She said "no" as she shook her head and looked at me with blank eyes

I pulled the housing I have for rental cameras off the shelf and said, "it looks similar to this, they make them for certain cameras so that you can dive with them and submerge them in water without damaging the camera."

She went into a FIT saying "DAMMIT, THEY TOLD ME it was good to 100 feet" - I can't believe they lied to me!!!!"

I said, well yes, the cameras are also rated to a certain depth due to the pressure changes, but that is with a housing - not the camera alone. And BTW, who is THEY?"

She said: "The guy at Circuit City who sold me the damned piece of crap." (obviously before CC went under)

It didn't get any better after that - she then could not understand why I couldn't recover the pictures she had taken off of the card - she accepted the fact that the camera was toast at that point after being submerged at pressure for TWO dives - but she could not wrap her mind around the fact that there WERE NO pictures to recover because she had not taken any pictures because the camera stopped working almost immediately!!!!!

Talk about an airhead! THe next day, Pedro asked me if she had come to talk to me and had I fixed her camera - he had a smirk on his face. I looked at him and said "WHY didn't you warn me of that one?" hahaha

He ust started laughing! He said, I was trying to be nice to her on the boat, but I couldn't stop laughing when I saw that she had the camera with no housing and didn't understand why it didn't work - so I just sent her to you jefaq?"

To this day, we joke about it and he briefs the divers with cameras to make sure their camera is in the housing! hahahahaa

 

[Mike]

This is only tangentially dive related.
My (then) sixteen year old son attended a rather strict high school. He had to give a twenty minute lecture to his class on any topic so he choose scuba diving. He decided to give the lecture while completely geared up to add some dramatic (and comic) effect. He arranged with the teacher to be allowed to leave the classroom and go to the restroom down the hall to gear up prior to his demonstration. He geared up in the bathroom and exited into the supposedly empty hallway in full gear - fins, wetsuit, regs, mask and tank just as the extremely straight laced and strict school principal happened to be going by. The principal commanded him to stop. He then stared at my son for about five seconds and then said "I'm not even going to ask" and turned around and kept on walking.

I was waiting for you to say your kid in full scuba gear being met by the principal as he was coming out of the bathroom told the principal "Don't go in there"

 

[briankinley2004]

Montezumas revenge at 60ft is no fun and yes it happened while diving with BlueXTSea. I don't think anyone knew what was going on until they got back to the room and I had the bathroom door bolted. Divemaster asked my wife "whats going on" when I bailed off the boat as soon as we hit the pier. She didn't know i just said "give me the room key here's the tip money". Will be the last time I say "mas tomates por favor" at the omlette station right before being served. There is alot more to this story but I don't even know if I can tell it all here.

 

[mstevens]

Montezumas revenge at 60ft is no fun

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