I am having 'issues' with my spouse over wanting to continue scuba diving (long)

[Hallmac]

I would offer the following advice. Join the local dive club. Take him to the club dives every other month. Let him meet the gang and see how much fun there is and how much he forgets about work and other issues (make sure you slip this in after the dive). Allow him to select what you two do on the opposite months. Let the dive club members and the dive leaders work on him.

This will allow you to keep from putting pressure on him and becoming the bad guy, give him consistant low pressure nudge to try the sport, and allow you to enjoy your new found world. When he finds out what a great group of people are involved in this sport I bet you find him chosing the dive weekends in just a few months.

Don't give it up!

Hallmac

 

[JeffAustin]

I've been married for 23 years. My wife and I do not share mutual interests when it comes to sports. My advise: don't try, force, or drag along your spouse to do something you love to do. It puts too much stress on both of you! A better solution might be to make sure your husband sees that you place your family before your other interests. It might be hard to do when you are so excited about diving, but it is important to do. The reason people we love act this way is they feel threatened, not as important as our "new love". Believe me, I speak from experience. Do something your spouse wants to do first, then go diving! Don't expend all your energy on your interests, leaving the dregs for family. That just doesn't work. Good luck!!

 

[slydoh]

victoriawtx,

Darlin, in my opinion you owe your man. You planned a vacation together and then skipped out on him. Not good. The fact that he "supported" your certification should show how much he cares for you.

If I were in his shoes.. I would have booked another room for myself and enjoyed MY vacation. "See ya at home. Maybe". Plus I'd be VERY reluctant to plan another vacation that might involve a similar situation. "Let’s go skiing next year".

Think about it. You won. He sacrificed. What have you done to show him that you appreciate his actions and will in the future. It's obviously a touchy situation right now and it seems that you are rubbing salt into his wounds. Show him how much it meant to you and I'll bet he will support your new hobby.

Of course what do I know? I'm single.

Oh and congrats on your certification. Be safe and have fun.

Simon

 

[waterpik]

My husband has had his cert since 1984 and I only recently became certified. I too have tons of trouble with equalization. Like you husband I was to afraid of not being able to clear my ears. We would always snorkel on vacation which I love. I finally went to a local ENT that was also a diver and had my ears checked. He saw no reason for not diving. I gave it a try and was able to clear. It takes me about 5-10 min to get down to 40 feet but with lots of patience(on his part) it can be done. My problem is so bad that I am literally in tears by the time we land when I am on a plane. That is until I discovered" earplanes" . What a life saver. The only way he will ever know is if he gives it a try. Suggest he take the OW course and see. If he can clear in the first 10 feet he'll probably have it made. I would first have his ears checked to make sure there is no medical reason for his equalization problems.

Good luck. We enjoy diving together so much. It has really strengthened our marriage.

 

[snuggle]

hmm has it occured that maybe he just doesnt want to dive?why should he take an ow course?diving isnt something thats for everyone nor should it be pushed upon someone just because that person has a spouse that dives or wants to dive..i really thing that the bigger picture here has been missed big time..i dont know her spouse but this thread seems to be bent on making him out to be the bad guy..when hes not...im just wondering how he would really feel if this was being talked about on here without his knowledge..i dont think he would be very happy thats for sure..its bad enough that he is angry that you took the course on your familly vacation and left him and the baby to themselves..life is too short.....

 

[snuggle]

forgot to mention to slydo..in one of herthreads she says that her husband supports her..so i think there are other isssues here besides diving..

 

[slydoh]

snuggle once bubbled...
forgot to mention to slydo..in one of herthreads she says that her husband supports her..so i think there are other isssues here besides diving..

Hey snuggle.

The reason I quoted supported was that while he didn't try to stop her from doing it he is clearly not that happy about it. She also mentioned that he isn't responding well to all her talk on the subject. I wouldn't call that truly supportive. Of course I've been known to go on and on and on and I'm sure I've made a few people tired of hearing about it. Maybe he just needs a break from the scuba talk. After all it's not his passion.

I do agree that it probably isn't the diving that bothered him. More likely it's the fact that he was left alone on what he thought would be romantic shared experience. Now he may fear that this is a sign of things to come.

All I was trying to say was that if she wants to continue diving regularly she will need his support (child care etc.). One way to do that is to recognize that he is supportive, appreciate that fact, and to maintain boundaries.

Simon

 

[PnL]

Isn't it funny how topics on these boards evolve on their own?

Since posting her thread Vicotria hasn't been actively involved in what has been said in four pages - yet this discussion is going strong without really knowing any more details than the initial post. I know these are all opinions and a healthy discussion - this was just a curious observation.

Paul

 

[TimIng]

ScubaKims once bubbled...
Isn't it funny how topics on these boards evolve on their own?

Since posting her thread Vicotria hasn't been actively involved in what has been said in four pages - yet this discussion is going strong without really knowing any more details than the initial post. I know these are all opinions and a healthy discussion - this was just a curious observation.

Paul

Well spotted that man.

Here's another observation: Ever watched the Simpsons and realised by the time the episode is over the ending often bears no resemblence to the story at the begining? It's the same for forums (fora?).

This forum is one of the few where the discussion tends to stay on-track but elsewhere, after the first page or two the topic goes way off, often branching into some very wierd places.

Cheers

Tim

 

[art.chick]

I know many women divers who have husbands who cannot dive. One has a husband with a perforated ear drum, another has a bad heart, another just plain prefers to dive with other men. I tried to dive with my husband when we were first married. It was bad chemistry. We are still married but I dive with my buddies, he dives with his. There are spouses who come along & hang out on the beach till it is time to fire up the grill. They participate in a more limited capacity. Pregnant wives often either snorkel or beachmaster. I have seen partners on boats who just hang out on the deck & in the galley taking photos & having fun getting peaceful on the water.

Just tell him you are going to take the class & invite him to join. It is true that lots of people who think they have trouble clearing their ears do fine when an instructor works them thru the process. Some husbands cannot stand tht their wives can outdo them at something. There are a lot of skills in diving & if you are good at something, he is sure to be good at something else. I am a good navigator & my husband acknowledges that. He is good at the ascents & descents, timing stops well. I think you will also be able to find good qaulity used gear for a fraction of the cost of new. That is how we did it! Shops also have annual sales in the late winter to unload models that are being phased out to make room for the new stuff. It can be done!